Cerberus Reviews

The Boys #15

2008-02-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

God-fucking-damn-it. Just when you want a comic to be all above board and shallow, they get all deep on ya. Some times a cigar is just a cigar and other times it’s a big brown cock for others to suck at. Ask me every day and I’ll tell ya The Boys is jus that. But, all dick jokes aside, the Boys #15 ventures into character driven territory that is anything but virgin for Garth Ennis.
We’ve endured poised post-commie trips, caped offenses, hamsters where they shouldn’t be and females violent as they come (or cum if you count little Nina) but this latest issue is trying to build some depth into what is the shallow end of the pool so far. The Boys have been nothing but a head-bashing, ball-smashing, nut –busting good time up till this point. Now Garth Ennis has seen fit to add character depth to what once were somewhat two dimensional characters. Not that I have a problem with that. I love what has been done to this point. Ennis has done his best to poke, prod, and cajole all of the major comic publishers into lather. It’s his lets-see-if-we-can-piss-everyone-off-at-once-ness that has me coming back every month to read the new issues.
This week we pick up a new story line with the same characters several months older. While poking fun at everyone who has written a new story arc, and everyone who ever will, Ennis tries to bend this new story into something no one saw coming. A meeting of the lesser minds one might say, without giving anything away that is.
This review is short, I know, but so much goes into this issue its hard to review without giving anything away. The best I can do is to allude what happens without being too clever at it.
Now on a different note I gotta say the female is my all time favorite character. If this women existed in real life I’d have already married her by now or at least devoted my miserable drunken life to her world aspirations. The back sneak-peak cover confirms this and makes me giggle uncontrollably. For those of you who need a refresher read The Boys issues 1-3 over again.

Overall rating: Starscreem. Ennis is taking this comic places others are too afraid to think of.

Feature Review: Uncanny X-men #495

2008-02-11T07:05:00.000-08:00

Much like the rather infamous Spidey reboot, the X-men have taken a dramatic turn to shake things up. Cyke has proclaimed "there are no X-men," and that may be true in one sense--if the X-men stands for "Xavier's students" then perhaps they are really gone. Westchester is obliterated, even more so than usual. Professor X is dead, disappeared, gone or a skrull. And the original members have hit the road for some much needed time off before the inevitable return of an X-team, if not the X-men.

This issue has a real old school feel, a Kirby or Claremont vibe where the X-men were taking endless vacations in between bouts with Magneto and the Brotherhood. The X-men back then were real horndogs, chasing skirts every which way, and eventually these romantic pursuits would get put on the back burner due to some new unexpected menace. That's where this issue differs. In the olden days you just couldn't write an issue without some sort of baddie making an appearance and either kicking ass or getting his handed to him. Not so here. Something odd happens towards the end, but nobody more ominous than Tony Stark has a cameo.

About that, finally we get something regarding the Initiative and the X-men. Since they were kind of shut out of the Civil War, Marvel never really had to deal with the X-men being registered or not. Perhaps Professor X's inclusion on the Illuminati allowed him to keep his students out of bounds. But since Xavier is out of play and the school's out for Summer (sshoooooool's out for-EVAH!) guess that's why the Tin Man finally comes a'calling. His interaction with Scott is the highlight of the issue. It doesn't last long but it is impeccably drawn by Choi. Iron Man (he's armored up and looking more and more like Samus Aran (read = bad-fucking-ass) floats in above the rubble of the institute and looks every bit the immensely pwerful figure he is. There's also a world weary look on his face, its subtle but Choi has it there nonetheless, and he keeps repeating himself, almost like he HAS to say what he's saying rather than meaning what he's saying. Scott is cocky and yes, a little bit whiny. He rebuffs Tony, at one point quipping "what, we have to get registered for being born now?" But Scott forgets a lot of others didn't ask for what they have and they still registered. Their powers may not extend right down to their DNA, but they are there.

After this confrontation Cyke takes the good woman to the Savage Land for a holiday. Most of the issue takes place here, and I finally am coming to terms with Emma and Scott as a couple. I can see how it works now, or at least I am starting to. And its not (just) the sex although I've got to say that the amount of skin portrayed in this issue outnumbers the total depicted in the last 50 issues of everything else I've recently read. Its not a bad thing to come up with an excuse to have Emma in a skimpy bikini and have this be her formal wear for the duration of the issue. There are at least three separate instances where the two are waking up and clothed only in covers and even then only partially. That too wouldn't have happened in your father's (i.e. Kirby and Claremont's) X-men. Looks like the shirt chasing has been replaced by rampant sex. Oh Cyke, you're all grown up.

As you might imagine, Choi + Oback + softcore X-porn = some unbelievably good art. I'd have to say that Cyke might be the one coming off the best, I sweat the guy has at least 4 more abs than a normal person and has apparently lost or burned all of his shirts. Maybe i'm just used to seeing Emma slutting it up all over the place, and Scott sticks out but maybe not as he clearly puts Ka-Zar's physique to shame. And of course there is the 'normal' Emma and then there is the Choi-nearly-naked Emma and I... I just lost track of what I was going to say.

Other Choi-creations were tip of the hat quality. His Nightcrawler in image inducer mode is the perfect mix of Eurotrash dandy with just a hint of gay (its the moustasche--its gotta be the Jeff Kent moustache). Colossus looks more like an Abercrombie and Fitch model (who sketchs, Peter sketchs?) and Logan is his typical dirt dog self--on that last score I've seen better. The three (wild and CRAZY) guys are doing a little euro-trek and some comedy ensues when Kurt's image inducer gets hacked. Meanwhile Warren has gone to San Fran to rendezvous with some others and finds something odd.

Yet this issue as previously stated is more about Cyclops getting his bearings. I stated earlier that I am beginning to understand why Scott and Emma are a couple. About that--I can see why she is with him. She clearly loves the guy, its kinda sweet actually, the Ice Princess having a soft spot for a guy who she would clearly hate in the past, a powerful if not the most powerful X-man alive. And its sort of an old-fashioned girl hanging on the guy's arm style of attachment, which again is so enjoyably not what you'd expect from a woman who could easily destroy Cyclops from the mind out. But Cyclops's love in return is a bit more complicated 9as you'd expect from captain broody). I can't escape the idea that he is just passing time with her. Sure, they make-out often enough, and there's all of the sex, but he rarely has anything really romantic to say to her. Is this the comic equivalent to a one-night stand?

At the very least what this issue has done was deepen my interest in the future of this couple, much less the X-men as a team. because the team will be back, or rather the teams (X-force, X-factor, the Young X-men, and yes some sort of high profile big gun 'uncanny' team). But here you get something you rarely get in team issues where 22 pages just doesn't allow for much depth. Here you get some honest character development. And too bad if that comes at the expense of Action with a capital A. because we have most of these characters locked down by now. Its really hard to show something new, and damn if Brubaker hasn't accomplished just that. Doesn't hurt that Choi could make the most boring scene captivating either.

Rating: Snake-eyes

mainline that shit

2008-02-06T11:39:00.001-08:00

jonsing big-time for some Fables. it's been far too long...

At every trifle take offense, that always shows great pryde or little sense

2008-02-04T10:24:00.000-08:00

Whedon, you are not my master and right now...
i kind of hate you a little bit.

The New/Old X-men United in Division

2008-02-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

Finished "Messiah Complex" the other day and here are my thoughts on the cross-over and where the X-Universe is heading.

a) I'm saddened that Yost and Kyle are leaving the New X-men and that series is being canceled. That said, I'm sure the fictional inhabitants of that title all just gave a huge sigh of relief. New X-men was sort of a crappy moniker anyhow, after a while nobody is new anymore, but the series was consistently well written and will be missed. I know that a new series will debut called Young X-men, but I'm not sold on it just yet. The kids have been getting more and more attention, playing significant roles in recent events, and will be crucial in revitalizing the X-Universe moving forward.

b) I know Professor X is said to be dead, but i don't buy it. What sounds much better is a guy of his mental caliber waking up and becoming a type of Scarlet Witch style villain, a former hero who has lost their grip on too much power. Could be fun. Didn't really get the whole last panel where Charles disappears while everyone is around him. Was it supposed to be metaphorical?

c) Bishop as a bad guy? fine with me.

d) i think the new Cable series will be a significant upgrade on the old Cable and Deadpool line. I'm not going anywhere near it, but it should be fun. X-factor shouldn't be too worse for wear either.

e) X-force is the series that will get the most readers, and the one I'm least excited about. More wolverine? thats just what we need. I even think some of the lesser players are over exposed, particularly X-23. I realize that Yost and Kyle are going to be on the boards but i just can't get behind the elite force bad-ass angle. That's what we have people like the Punisher for.

f) Mere rumormongering at this point but is the baby X-person a reincarnated Jean Grey?

g) I will continue to read Carey's X-men if only because he moves a mile a minute and i feel like he will be writing this title for 10 more years. Uncanny is tempting because it is Brubaker after all and now he finally has the really good toys (i.e Cyke/Emma/Colossus/Wolverine etc) Plus its coming down to issue #500.

h) If Mr Sinister is really dead I'll eat vegetables for a solid week straight.

i) love love LOVE the scale back of Rogue. Glad she no longer is all virused up and full of lost souls of billions. She was getting way outta hand. And we say goodbye to Mystique--at least for the time being.

j) I get it, this ain't your Father's X-men. Cyke is a tough guy. He ain't no Professor X. Bo-ring. Emma is a bad influence on him. I'm hoping she pulls him totally over to the dark side and we get a Dark X-men line. That or he's a skrull.

k) where the hell is Kitty? Getting nervous here...

anyhow, all told I liked MC, but from what i hear I still need to read AoA to get to a real epic story. We'll see.

Just When You Thought the Arrogance Might End

2008-01-30T05:49:00.001-08:00

Last night Marvel's Editor in chief was on the Colbert Report. I knew he was scheduled to be on thanks to some adverts on one of them there comic news websites. So I was excited to see the man speak, maybe he'd even discuss the Spider-man retcon, get down to brass tacks, etc. Sadly, he went nowhere near Peter Parker. Happily, he reaffirmed my opinion that he is the Marvel universe's most gigantic asshole.

I don't usually get locked up in appearances, but i can't fail to open this discussion with how Joe presented himself to millions of viewers. He was wearing a dark dress shirt with a few too many buttons undone up top. But where you might expect a healthy tuft of man-hair all you got was pale pale skin. Seriously, Beyonce's rack has more hair on it. Of course the lack of hair freaks me out far more than actual hair ever could have. So right off the bat, before he says one word, there's Quesada embracing the appearance of being a totally douche that goes right along with...

talking as if one is a total douche. The mini-interview was an exhustive promo for upcoming marvel projects, which in itself wasn't bad, just kinda tactless. At least he could tried to made it look like the only reason he was on the show wasn't to move product. There was the Cap plug, which admittedly was the easiest to swallow, after all Colbert has Rogers' shield on his trophy wall. And was righteously pissed that he was passed over for Bucky.

Yet the interview concluded with the most egregious part of all. Quesada flattered Colbert by telling him his failed 'real world' presidential bid was still alive and well in the Marvel Universe. He then showed the cover to the first issue of the Brand New Day story-arc, the one with red Spidey with camera in tow, crouching on a wall and more or less visually ignoring the last 20 years of storytelling, but let's not get into that right now. There is a billboard in the background that on my issue reads "Spidey returns!" But on the Colbert report last night Quesada photoshopped in "Colbert in 08'!" But this isn't quite the douchiest part.

Quesada then brought out a series of bumperstickers, each supposedly more impressive than the last. The first was Colbert/Iron man in 08'. Stephen then compared Stark to Romney which made me chuckle. Then the Colbert/Hulk ticket to which Stephen said, "The campaign slogan writes itself, Colbert Smash!" But wait for it, who would be the third and supposedly most impressive running mate? Who is the most important figure in the Marvel universe? Wolverine? Cap? Peter Parker? No. The final bumpersticker?

Colbert/Quesada 08'.

because plugging your companies products is one thing, but letting the American viewing public forget that you are the Dr Doom-esque despot of the fictional landscape you preside over? That would be inexcusable.

Skrull-fucked

2008-01-22T06:28:00.001-08:00

So, given the whole continuity-schmontinuity issues that have arisen after the recent Amazing Spider-Man debacle, who among us has no fears that the impending Marvel Skrull-o-caust won't be a complete clusterfuck? Because seriously, with Spider-Man is just one guy--granted, that guy just had 20 years of his life dry-erased from the universe, and sure this does involve individuals like Harry and MJ, etc, but with Secret Invasion we're talking most of the entire Marvel Universe. If this is not handled with care the blowback might be severe enough that people will be talking about this infamy for years. But I'm an optimist. no really. I am. (how else does one buy 30 some odd issues of Countdown for Christ's sake?) and it's not like i won't be drinking in the whole spectacle come March. It just better be some quality H20.

Sinister Monday #15

2008-01-21T11:58:00.000-08:00

All work and no play, man, all work and no play. But that ends... now. Actually, it ended last week sometime when I caught this horrible cold and took a few days off to recharge. So yeah, work is slowing down so i will have more free time to pour my creative efforts into the inky black void of cyberspace. Who knows, you might be one of whole twos and threes to actually read this blog!

But enough state of the union type things. Life is good. Comics are good. And they should be discussed. Topping off my list of people to talk about is Brian Clevinger. He's a dude i was introduced to in a review of his limited series Atomic Robo. The reviewer mentioned he had a hilarious web-comic called 8-bit Theater which was loosely based around the original Nintendo game Final Fantasy. Not one of those words in the last sentence didn't send tiny thrills up and down my spine. A web-comic featuring characters torn from one of my favorite childhood games? Sold and sold.

8-bit Theater is a bit like Final Fantasy if it was Sealab 2021ed. Characters, settings, and side quests are ripped free of their moorings and exploited in humorous ways. The fact that many of the images are captured directly from the video game itself (thus the 8-bit part of the title) makes it all the more fun. Black Mage, an uber-violent but powerful member of the Light Warriors is merely a cowled robe, a pointy hat and a pair of disembodied eyes floating in between. Yet is absolutely stunning the range of emotions a man whose face you never see can have. Thus i have been reading two or three segments of this epic web-comic which is somewhere in its thousandth episode. Currently I'm in the mid 300s so there is an ocean of fun left in store.

Clevinger's print debut is the aforementioned Atomic Robo. I have scooped up the first three issues of the 6 issue mini and enjoyed every pun. Robo reminds me of the occultish action of Hellboy and nonchalant humor of Nextwave minus the latter's intense fanboy display of comic lore. It is the story of a wise-cracking Robot used to confront all of the unconfrontable oddnesses that afflict the globe from giant ants to mobile ancient monuments full of robot mummies. The jokes are laugh out loud funny (again, haven't had that happen since Nextwave) and there is no intelligence quotient cost of admission. The jokes aren't knowledge based but it is their delivery which impresses. Pauses, absurdities and childish exuberance also help.

So later this week i will definitely be paying a visit to the LCS for the culmination of "Messiah Complex," the middlingation of "Brand New Day" and the almost doesn't suckination of Countdown to Final Crisis. see ya then.

Hey Hey, Ho Ho, That Douchebag Cho has got to Go!

2008-01-02T06:16:00.000-08:00

When I dropped by the old Cerb this morning and lamented how long it was since i last posted the feeling was of genuine sadness. Then I snooped around and saw what exactly I'd last posted on. Mighty Avengers #5. Mighty. Avengers. 5. And then my feelings turned to confusion, despair, rage with just a touch of madness because what is it fucking January and I just yesterday read the SIXTH issue of this 'keynote' Marvel series. Granted, the 6th issue did come out in December, late December, late enough to be left alone in my pull box until after the Christmas Holidays but still. The pace of this series has killed it for me. Cho must actually have one of those ridiculously buxom women he draws hidden away in his apartment to serve as a model for his work and pleasure him any time he wants because nothing else explains the supreme slowness of his work. And to make matters worse, Mighty ends with a not really too hangy cliff-hanger New Avengers dealt with AT LEAST as far back as October. Great Scott get the new artist on the boards mr BENDIS!

cenTramblings #1

2007-11-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since any of the heads have contributed our comic book know-how to old Al's information superhighway. Things did get a bit busy there for a while, but still, we ought not have let you, our adoring public, go so long without those opinions you crave. I mean, how many days have we ruined by depriving some down on their luck web surfer the opportunity for a little levity and profanity by way of ol' RHD's (semi-)drunken ramblings? Well, times be a changing again and we're bring it back...old school.

For my part, I've got a whole jumble of thoughts rollicking around in this wizened noggin, causing me to almost seize up when confronted with the prospect of writing anything down. Imagine the opposite of an aphasia and that might be about what it's been like. Consequently, I've opted to start a new column in which I can pretty much let loose and write in a less orderly manner than I typically prefer, just so as to get it all out there in something approaching a coherent form. Over the next few weeks I'll work most everything out as I give my thoughts on the last few months of comic-ing that has been so woefully under-covered by everyone's favorite three-headed dog. It's gonna be a wild ride, so hold on as you plunge into the depths of cenTrale's mind. (On a related note: I have yet to come up with a title for this new column. I was thinking maybe “cenTrifugal Force” or “cenTrale's Cranial EsCapades” or something. Suggestions are more than welcome.)

Let's begin in a quasi-alphabetical manner with an obsession near and dear to my thrice-shared heart: Aquaman. By now you should all know that the revamped Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis has been canceled. Or maybe you don't know that and this is the first time you've heard about Aquaman or his comic since, well, I last wrote about it back in June. Given how things have gone since – they got worse – you've probably spared yourself quite a bit of pain. Seriously.

I remain flummoxed, though, at how little folks seem to care about this guy, despite his years of existence and the relatively light use that has been made of him. You've got a character that for all intents and purposes does not share a world with the rest of the DC characters: he's under the sea (cue a singing crab) and they're all mucking about on the surface, wandering into one another's cities and generally pissing each other off with mind-wipes, crises of conscience, and universe threatening events. So, yeah, the stakes may seem to be higher for the wider set of DC heroes, yet there exists a shared continuity that is almost always going to be frustrating and imprecise. Aquaman, meanwhile, by virtue of where he spends the majority of his time and the relatively light use of the character is effectively a carte blanche. Do with him as you will and the odds are good that you won't be treading on too many toes. Seriously, the Green Arrow gets more attention than Aquaman, and that was even while Ollie was dead.

But, you know what? My Aquaman history isn't perfect. I know the detailed facts, but have yet to read all of the comics and therefore can't say for sure what the qualified information is: the kind of interactions that took place, the precise relationship between Aquaman and the other heroes, how well he's been written in the past and how consistent that writing has been. I just don't know. What I do know, however, is the recent history, Sword of Atlantis. And I have to say, as a fan of comics and someone who has always had a soft spot in his heart for Aquaman (and Namor...I don't know why I like these characters but clearly I've got some kind of watery fixation...let's not delve too deeply into this one), the treatment of the revamped Aquaman has been atrocious.

The decision to revamp the series with a new name and protagonist and the decision to end it due to poor sales both came out of the same appropriate thought process: giving the series a shot. It's been clear for some time that folks don't really give a crap about this character and the fact that he appears in pop culture as a joke doesn't really help his case any. So, take the concept, tweak it a bit, and allow the book to (forgive me for saying this) sink or swim on its own. Again, there isn't much I disagree with here. Personally, I'd have had no problem had they simply kept things the same with the old Aquaman working to restore the peace and prosperity of the undersea kingdoms in the wake of Atlantis' destruction, but I was also fine with following this new kid as he worked to do the same, but with pretty much no idea of how things were before and what to expect around the next reef or at the end of a current. On top of all that Busiek and Guice were absolutely nailing it, providing a strong narrative and anchoring the characters in Aqua-history while leaving things free and clear to develop in new directions. What they started could, had the numbers held up, have led to easily 60 issues of story before they really needed to adjust things again, maybe reestablish Atlantis or shake up the status quo in some new manner. But the numbers didn't hold up and it became necessary to kill the book. Again, this all follows from the initial premise. The problem is that the lagging numbers had, as far as I'm concerned, little to do with the core concepts behind the book and everything in the world to do with the change in creative team. Maybe the book would have failed anyway, but it sure as hell would not have pissed me off quite so much by the end had Tad Williams and Shawn McManus not graced its pages.

I'll start with McManus because I at least respect him and, in truth, what happened was really nowhere near as much his fault as it was Williams'. It was quite startling to flip through Absolute Sandman Vol. 2 and discover that the artist for the “A Game of You” arc was McManus. Hell, he even drew “Three Septembers and a January” one of my favorite issues in the entire run. The art was perfect throughout and perfectly fit the stories being told. So I say I was startled because I hate (def.: pure, blind, seething rage aroused by the site of the artist's work in a specific context) his work on Aquaman. Everyone just looks deformed. I mentioned in a previous review the elongated jaws and how annoying they are and, well, they remained annoying. Towards the end I still hated the art but could tolerate it enough that I stopped trying to gouge out my eyes upon opening the book. Maybe I got used to it or maybe Tad Williams' scripts broke me. I dunno. Some blame obviously needs to be placed on the colorist as there is no difference between the underwater scenarios and those on dry land, but hey, I've only got so much vitriol to expend. So, yeah, the art sucked and that certainly hurt the book. On the other hand, nothing could have saved it from Tad Williams, so no harm no foul Shawn.

Tad, on the other hand, much like Lucy has some 'splainin' to do. I can only assume he was brought in because of his fantasy/sci-fi credentials. Surely he'd have a good idea of how to keep the sword-and-sorcery vibe going, right? Er, no, not really. Within an issue or two all that was done and over with. In fact, we spent the last couple issues dealing with a conspiracy to destroy much of the world via some pseudo-scientific attack on fault lines that would result in a displaced Atlantean taking control of the population that survived on in the water (a mutagen was going to be introduced to change people and give them a chance at surviving underwater...or something) while none other than Vandal Savage took over the dry land. That's right: Vandal Savage. Just how many plots does this guy have going at once? Could we use some other crazed villain that looks like a caveman instead? It's just that I feel like the character is best when underutilized and he's already been in JSA recently and...I hate you Tad Williams.

But there was a sorcery edge to all of it with a scary conspiracy and the return of Tempest in a much reduced and weakened form that, given the series cancellation, will NOT BE ANSWERED ANYTIME SOON!!! Yeah, that leaves a really good taste in the mouth. Let's alter course so drastically that from one issue to another the whole damn series is all but unrecognizable and then, just for the hell of it, let's throw in a bunch of cameos by the other members of the JLA just so we can have them in a couple of panels not knowing what to make of the dead Aquaman (Oh, I forgot to mention didn't I? They offed the Dweller (the original Aquaman) within two issues.) and just look goofy underwater (not that they looked any different than had they been drawn on land I suppose). Not to mention the fact that the series seemed to be taking aim at removing the surface world from the equation for a while just so as to firmly establish that whole “underwater-epic” thing. Guess Tad didn't get the memo. Back to the action though and now we have Cyborg thrown into the mix along with the Human Flying Fish (a character from back in the day) but let's make sure he's extra goofy so that ridiculous name and premise has no shot of being taken at all seriously, even by the other characters. Finally, we'll use some horrendous dialogue that had to be written deliberately to sound hip though there's no way no one could think that it even got beat up in the same neighborhood by “hip” just so all the readers walk away from each and every issue unable to even hope things could get better. Yeah, let's do that. I almost wonder if Tad didn't deliberately aim at that ice berg...and we're talking Titanic, not that cruise liner down in Antarctica.

I kinda have to stop there or my head might explode and then we wouldn't be much of a Cerberus, now would we? All that said, and I think it's pretty clear that there was no way sales would pick up, especially when someone like me – hooked on the series with the Busiek re-launch – gave deep thought to just dropping it all together before they made the decision for me. It's so annoying more because the series had great potential and in the space of 8 issues it was ruined. Here's hoping there'll be a re-re-launch that involves a tidal wave taking out a bookstore during a Tad Williams event...and no one investigating the cause.

So that's it for round one of the cenTramblings. Yeah, I decided on a name. Your contributions are of course still welcome. I just won't consider them. 'Til next time, I remain yours,

cenTrale

sinister monday #14 (Mighty Avengers #5)

2007-10-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

How's this for something out of the ordinary. One might even describe it as extraordinary. For this week's Sinister Monday column I am going to do what i haven't done in months. Give you, the reader, a full length single comic book review. The image used above should tip you off as to which title I will be reviewing. Also, I never secured any permission to use it so if anyone from Marvel reads this and it gets their panties in a bunch I'll happily remove it--but the way I see it I am providing free advertisement for both your products and website so... yeah, don't be a dick about it.

Mighty Avengers #5
"Storytellers": BENDIS! and Frank Cho (yeah, you read that right, storytellers)
Coloring: Jason Kieth

Well, this issue has been a long time coming. Feels like several months. Moving quickly to the point, and not to put all my cards on the table so soon or anything, but why is it that nearly every comic that is significantly delayed sucks balls? Seriously, this happened a few months back with Kirkman's Walking Dead too. An ocean of time between books and then some haphazard POS with dialogue severely in need of editing and art that looked at best rushed and at worst incomplete. You'd think with all that time they had you'd at least given it a couple of read-throughs. or something. What was truly frustrating about the WD was that a week later another issue followed that was stunning, and then a fortnight or so later yet another which was equally as good. Three issues in a month. It was almost as if the people in charge of creative control were struggling to fix the many problems on the delayed issue and just focused on the stories ahead to the point where Captain Delay finally had to be kicked out the door sucking and screaming before his brothers Above-Averagey and Pretty Damn Finey could be sent on their way too.

Before I go into the specifics of Mighty's many flaws this month, allow me to pick at some "political" douchebaggery that crops up before we even get panel number 1 (and yes I should probably be giving Jon Stewart royalties for using the term "political douchebaggery"). On the opening page featuring the back-story and the equivalent of the Mighty Avengers theme song there is something fishy going on with credits. Now I don't have the first few issues of Mighty to look at as a means of comparison, but here we find no writer or artist singular, merely "Storytellers": BENDIS! and Frank Cho. It's almost like BENDIS! is trying to protect his dear friend's rep, seeing as Cho has a notoriously slow hand and is almost certainly the primary reason behind the delay. When an artist and writer are listed separately then one can single a fella out and bludgeon them to death, if necessary. But when both artist and writer are "storytellers," well, then its much harder to lay the blame *cough cough CHO cough*. Because seriously, BENDIS! writes like a zillion things and meets deadlines with uncanny reliability (I'm looking at you, Ultimate Spider-Man). So it's not his fault. Perhaps part of the blame belongs on the rest of the Marvel U, seeing as New Avengers at one point felt like it was miles behind its Mighty brethren. And then there was the whole Secret Invasion reveal. Maybe Mighty just needed to have its alignment fixed, moving it back on track. But I just don't by it. Because now it feels as if it is the one miles behind that other Avengers title.

Of course, Cho might have been helped out of BENDIS! had actually written any dialogue for this issue. For long stretches of page, sometimes pages, writing takes a back-seat to art. All told there is very little verbiage, especially if you discount the oppressively frequent 'Password Override' warnings that infest the latter pages of the issue like so many of Pym's bees. Yet there is space enough for a few thought bubbles. I've commented favorably on them in the past, but there use here is pure excess. Sometimes the character simply repeats what they have just 'thought' in their dialogue bubble two centimeters away. It's almost like BENDIS! was aware of his extensive use in previous chapters and felt obliged to continue on here. It's needlessly distracting.

Now there are other problems with what might be described as the 'writing' of this issue (if such an individual task exists in this "storytelling" tag-team adventure), like schizophrenic pacing and unclear setting (it's very difficult to locate where specific actions are taking place in both time and space) but much of what is most irritating occurs in the artwork. And for that I'm going to need begin another paragraph. A very very large paragraph.

Cho is quite obviously a master among his peers. His attention to detail is commendable, especially when concerned with the human anatomy. I swear the dude rips out his Gray's Anatomy and thumbs over to the 'Muscle' chapter and painstakingly reproduces every last twitch on his heroes and heroines. I have no problem with this. Nor do i have a problem with his tendency to zoom in on T & A. My problem, initially, is with the inking. No individual inker is listed in the credits so by default I am going to have to level the blame, yet again, on Mr. Cho. There is far too much Chris Ware-ian Power-Puff Girls style thick outlining going on. Everything has a clunky black frame. And this only serves to make delineations on the interior of objects and people darker than they need to be. This all spirals down to the point where strands of hair, on Ares shoulders and back, say, or anywhere really, get much much to thick. I never thought I would say this but i would love to see this issue redrawn by Leinil Yu. Ares, for one, would be a great benefactor from Yu's raw frenzy. Instead Ares just looks like a really hairy suped up version of Jimmy Corrigan. And like Corrigan, I'm now very depressed.

Another huge batch of unpleasantness lay with the coloring. A single colorist is sited here, so Mr. Jason Kieth? It's time for a paddling. The colors are flat and most times too dark. Either one is a bad thing. Combined, each exacerbates the other. Add these defects to the cookie-cutter bold lines of Cho's ink the effect is multiplied further. As a result there is very little depth to anything (save rippling muscle shadows here and there, less here and mostly there on the Sentry's preposterously toned gluts.). The only character this combination of artistic choices seems to work for is Carol Danvers whose already vibrant mix of dark and electric colors isn't hindered any by this issue's failings. Her hair still looks like the additive plastic top a little girl would affix to her genderless lego being in order to designate 'Girl', but I'll let that slide in the face of so much terribleness elsewhere.

Quite simply, female mega-babe-supposed-to-be the-body-of-the-Wasp-but-quite-clearly-isn't Ultron exemplifies everything that is wrong about this comic's visual idiosyncrasies. Ultron is never drawn the same way twice. In the beginning she is fleshy looking, then when battle breaks out she is sheathed in a liquid platinum unitard which conveniently covers up the naughty bits. As the Sentry pounds away on her, Ultron's face is often misshapen, which would be fine, but again those thick black outlines make her look less malleable and more like some sort of zeppelin or amoeba. All surface and no interior (from Cho, go figure) you can practically hear Ultron hissing back to 'full' after being hit and deflated. She's also preposterously muscular and huge, two things that I'm fairly certain Wasp isn't. Janet is a lot of things, a glamour girl, a busty heiress, a victim of the most infamous case of domestic violence in the history of Marvel comics, but she ain't a body builder. If Ultron were truly trying to take the shape it's creator favors most (again, Janet, at least at one time) then why the Flo-Jo legs? Or is this some sort of unholy mix of both the Wasp and Iron Man? We know Tony is in there somewhere (allegedly deceased. riiiiight...) but we are never told anything physical of Tony remains, other than him being some sort of fleshy conduit for Ultron. Again, frustratingly unclear.

I'm going to leave off with some questions and a final verdict i was once sad to hear, and am now strangely happy. One, will this series ever be in sync with New Avengers? If Spider-Woman hauled off Skrullectra to Tony, when does this happen? Before or after he is gender bent? And that whole Symbiote plague... are we ever going to get to that? Okay, questions over. Happy/sad verdict? Cho's out. I wonder if this will be enough to salvage this series. In more ways than one, bring on the New.

Rating: Starscream

sinister monday #14

2007-10-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

Had some time to slowly starve, emaciate and kill while I was downtown t'other day and lo! A comic book shop raises its hoary head. Now, I have my pull-list set up at the LCS in my own hood, so it wasn't like I could just buy everything up and be set for the week's end. No, I could not do that to the store that has been very good to me, the store that helped me acquire the entire Fables run. But I could sink some money into various properties I don't have on my pull list. Like a pair of number 1s released this week from Image.

Suburban Glamour #1 was all like fancy and shit. and full of bright colors and I thought it looked pretty and wanted it and coveted it and it was shiny and it made me think in run-on sentences. The cover alone was a nifty pink and black number with an appropriately fashionable punk-ish young lady enveloped in what appears to be a fine mixture of pixie dust and bizarre hybrid beasties which look like a cross between the men's room symbol and those creepy-ass bears radiohead sometimes uses on their website.

Plot wise there was a lot of angst. A lot of boredom. Seriously, when i was a young man, I wasn't half as bored throughout the entirety of my teens as much as some fictional young men and women appear to be in many contemporary sitcoms, novels, blogs, and hundreds of comic books. In fact, if i had some down time... I'd have spent it reading fucking comic books! Not sitting on a couch with other androgynous dark clothes'd whiny ass bitches. Oh, the slings and arrows of youth! Not old enough to be trusted with any responsibilities but old enough to have all the desires of an adult. blah blah blah. You know how you circumvent that kind of crushing ennui? Do a ton of blow and have a few abortions. Or just grow a pair, wait it out, play a few hours of Halo and get a job.

Sword #1 has a lot more going for it and I'm not just talking about the Luna Brothers. It had some real menace, some real character development (aside-- now that i think about it, SG wasn't so bad after all, just my rejection of the themes... story wise, construction wise, it was strong, almost elegant... one more reason it pisses me off) and some villains that would make you wet your pants. You know, the kind that dispense needless violence and appear to like it. I don't want to discuss the plot very much, suffice it to say a hero is born, er, armed (and re-legged).

I have very mixed feelings about the art work tho. The lines are crisp, it certainly has its own style, but the flat colors make things very Chris Ware-ian, sorta Dan Clowes-ian, and just the connotation of those guys gets a man feeling kinda low. Yet the writing more than makes up for this, and I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Closing out Sinister Monday is this head-scratchingly ridiculous piece of dumbfuckery by the House of Ideas. Okay, here's the deal. You have this mini-series comprising the back pages most of your X-titles. It is supposed to be the lead in to your mega-crossover Messiah Complex. You call it "Endangered Species" and it kinda sucks. How do you ice this kind of crap-cake? Well I'll tell you.

Last week, X-factor #24 contained the 15th chapter of Dr McCoy's uninteresting quest, made all the more uninteresting by the vaguely Heroes-ish but still mega-fucking cool conclusion of Peter David's "isolationist" story thread in the main pages of X-factor. Anyhow, the final page of Endangered Species chapter 15 instructs the reader to check back for the next installment in New X-men #43. Only one problem-- New X-men isn't slated to ship until Halloween. You know what is scheduled to ship one week earlier? X-men #204 with the final chapter 17.

Obviously the Marvel brain-trust will correct this, most likely with pushing back X-men #204, but in either case, way to fucking go. If this has any effect on delaying "Messiah Complex" I'm'a gonna start seeing Scott Summers style red. you know, assuming he's not asphyxiated and floating out in deep space.

Okay, vitriol.... expended. see ya next week.

TGIC #6

2007-10-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a while and I gotta say...it's grrrreat to be back!!! Seriously, I'm so jazzed right now that I can't tell if it's 'cause I'm back annunciating growls here on ye olde worlde wide webe or from all of the caffeine I've added to my diet ever since the siren cut out about half of my calories. Apparently there are starving children in Africa and the goal is for me to lose the equivalent of one off of my central quarters. The key is to only consume souls that have committed carnal sins, and not snacking on those besmirched by the less serious but higher in fatty acid sins of omission. It's gonna be weird, though, with beer-bellied RHD and lithely gaunt LeftD on either side, my protrudings kinda balanced the whole houndish bod out...Oh well.

I must say that I really am super-pumped to be back here laying my thang down and rapping about whatever comic-booky goodness comes to mind in a vernacular so crusty that after this next phrase, I'm'a have no choice but to drop it like it is, well, hot. Anyways, on to the comics!!!

Lots has been afoot since I last checked in and yet not a whole lot has changed. I mean, sure, Spider-Man apparently has only got “One More Day,” some mutant has got a “Messiah Complex,” New Gods are dropping left and right, Green Lanterns are getting their collective Corps keister handed to them, and the Phalanx are rewriting the cosmic code of the Marvel Universe. Yet, you know what they say: the more things change, the greater the quantity of damage Tad Williams does to old cenTrale's already fragile psyche. It's not like the problems that plagued the Big Two back when I was still semi-regularly enlightening your dark and beleaguered lives have gone away: Morrison is still writing super-awkward Batman stories that kinda leave ya scratching your head with your front paw; Countdown marches inexorably onwards to an event that had better be damned good if it wants to have any hope of redeeming itself; zombies pop up at random and not at all appropriate moments (and, yes, there is a time and place and, therefore, an appropriate moment for the appearance of zombies); and did I mention that Aquaman continues to really, really, really suck?

There is a bright side to a hold-the-line, maintain-the-status-quo approach, and that is the high quality we continue to see in several series. Casanova remains bizarre but wonderful (and dare I say a review may be on the horizon?). Criminal is just a ridiculously solid comic with wonderfully solid storytelling and art that – very, very quietly – keeps the reader coming back for more and more. X-Factor reminds us each and every month that Peter David really is that good and every event has far more material worthy of mining and exploration than ever sees the light of day. So many others come to mind (Scalped, DMZ, Fables, Nova, etc.), but the two that continually rock my world are The Spirit and Immortal Iron Fist. I mean, sweet Orpheus, how can you not have either of these two titles on your pull list. Brubaker and Fraction are simply laying it down (any martial arts fight that ends with the winner calling for his victory wenches has me at “wench”) old school and with Cooke pushing The Spirit more fully into the kind of social interrogation for which Eisner's run was so well-loved and respected? Whoa, Nelly.

I'm'a leave it at that and I will be back next week for a little more of that something something that keeps you sane on Friday. 'Til then, howl on...and we'll get RHD back soon.

3. Sentence. Howls. (October 10, 2007)

2007-10-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

Captain America #30
Writer: Brubs
Pencils: Epting and Perkins

I've always enjoyed the art on Cap with the following proviso--it reminds me two much of Lark, and thus Maleev. The gritty photo-realistic stuff is fine and I really shouldn't have a problem with it other than the derivativeness but there it is anyway. Having said that the pencils/inking/coloring of Natasha (Black Widow) is outstanding and if comic book crushes existed... *sigh*.
Rating: Gimli

New X-men #42
Writer: Yost and Kyle (a.k.a. the sadistic child torturers)
Pencils: Young and Perkins (yes, same dude as Cap)

This series is consistently entertaining. The kids are alright (after a trip to Hell no less). Its also nice to see them messing around with the more established characters because seriously, I'm pretty sure every possible interaction between Beast/Logan/Cyke/Colossus/etc has already been done, and the only way you are going see honest to goodness growth from the old guard is give them something new to try and deal with/take care of/fail to protect and allow to get horribly maimed.
Rating: Snake-eyes

World War Hulk #4
Writer: Pak
Pencils: Romita Jr.

Lest i forget let me lead this by saying there is nothing wrong with the art, in fact it is so good that in places it masks just how sorry and weak the plot has become. I hatehatehate reviewers who whine about how in issue 'x' "nothing happens." having said that I hated it when in WWH #4, nothing fucking happened.
Rating: Starscream

Avengers: the Initiative #6
Writer: Dan Slott
Art (yes all of it): Steve Uy

I must say I really like Marvel's younger set, from Runaways to the above referenced X-kiddies to these here grunts in the Initiative. The 'surprise' ending here kinda falls flat and can be guessed in advance by anyone paying moderate attention) kinda drags this chapter down but the artwork in its anime-esque simplicity is underwhelmingly good. Good enough to make me want to search for more work of Uy, if that is an real last name (yes, i'm an ugly american and like my last names vanilla, like, um, er... brubaker, BENDIS!, and kirkman).
Rating: Gimli

X-men #203
Writer: Whorebag McCarey
Artists: Ramos and (big fucking surprise) Perkins.

More. Of. The Same.
Rating: Lando

Countdown(s) #31-29
Writers: DC's JV team
Artists: various and sundry

Well, the writing isn't nearly as bad as most reviews would suggest. What we get doesn't seem very important, or crucial, or sometimes even interesting, but it doesn't appear to be the writers fault as I'm sure they have an outline that tells them what has to be accomplished by when and where. Its not their fault Countdown has become something, okay, everything of an afterthought but i still soldier on, relentlessly flushing money down the crapper in hopes that finally, some week, something will make all this drudgery worthwhile. *not holding breath*
Rating: Lando

52 v3 (TP)
Writers: DC's Varsity squad
Artists: too many to mention.

I flat-out love this series and am kinda bummed i missed out on reading them in real time. So odd, so well written, often funny, never dull, all good things, no? And I still get another volume in November... yeah!
Rating: Voltron

Sinister Monday #13

2007-10-08T06:43:00.001-07:00

From the adjacent hall you can hear a broom sweeping. The smell of disinfectant and moth-balls hangs in the air. Sheets have been slipped from various pieces of furniture and the lights have been turned on. Nice to be back at the Ole Cerberus stomping grounds. Sinister Monday is back up and running after a long, unplanned holiday. I'd like to say that much has changed in comics over the past few months but I can't. You know how comic-book time works. A few months equals a few days, a few weeks if things are really motoring, a few hours if you are, say, the Mighty Avengers.

Examples? Well, aside from that disparaging throwaway line about Carol and the Initiative's Republican Guard...

In Kirkman's Walking Dead we are zombie-shambling forward to the big battle between Home Sweet Prison and the boys from Woodbury. There's already been some fatalities, but please, this is Kirkman we're talking about here. I'm surprised people don't die doing their laundry or clipping their nails.

Scene: Alice (or Ashley, or A-Something, some anonymous girlname, I really can't tell them apart which is sometimes the point in WD, i.e. these people are just regular people, not heroes, just faces in a crowd... that faces an even bigger crowd of ravenous undead) is standing in front of a sink, nail-clipper poised ominously in one hand. Inexplicable light gleams off the cutting edge. She holds up her fingers before her face and wiggles them.

"Been a long time...," she mumbles. And with the first clip she breaks the skin. Blood starts gushing out, EvilDead style, spraying the walls, soaking her orange jumpsuit.

"I'm starting to feel faint... no, hey, that's odd, every cell of my body hurts ridiculously bad. Its like I'm dying or something. or perhaps changing into something other than dead or alive..." 'A' says, dropping the clippers, blood stoppering up to a trickle. Her eyes go cloudy, she begins to gag and groan. She stumbles out of the bathroom.
And cut.

Seriously, i'm really excited about the next few issues of WD. I think the avenues this holy war will open up will significantly enhance the story-line. Specifically if the Prison is breached in such a way that prevents it from being adequately repaired, and our boys and girls need to hit the road once more.

In New Avengers we had alot more "well let's try and prove a couple more times that each of us is not a Skrull." Yet this led to a really neat sequence where Doc Strange's enchantment shows that Echo very much wants to Daredevil, Clint Barton truly is Captain America (or at least a version of Cap), Luke Cage shoulda never swapped out his afro and Spidey is just plain miserable.

Speaking of Peter... One More Day is challenging Back in Black for slowest plot-line in the Marvel U. Aunt May is dying. Peter has no money. MJ is being alienated. Everyone is out to get Spider-Man. All of this serious drama and yet... no drama. All we get is a Kingpin beatdown (which I'll admit, was cool as hell) and alot of whiny woe-is-me, look-what-I-hath-cast-down-upon-my-loved-ones! bs. With great power comes great... ah put a cork in it. Save that for Tobey Macguire.

Beast's quest in "Endangered Species" limps forward. Its, um, supposed to be hopeless, right? Is that why it moves so slow? To show us how little ground we're making up? In this corner, Dark Beast. He's like Beast only with no moral compass. And in this corner there's the real McCoy (hehe, couldn't resist). And boy should the sparks fly having them working together. Sparks? hello, sparks? anyone seen any sparks?

I have a slew of further comics that I haven't read that I will be catching up on this week. Among them World War Hulk, Uncanny X-man, The Justice League, Cap, etc. If you are looking for a less Marvel-centric point of view, well, wake up my sleeping brothers, RHD and El CenTrale. I was at the LCS the other day with them and boy howdy, do they have Indies and DCs and Skekzies to spare. Thats all for now...

leftD

perty pic-a-ture.

2007-10-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

doesn't this just make you go all squishy inside (in a good way)?
James GENIUS.

52 Things I've Enjoyed Reading in the First 3 Trades of DC's Infamous Weekly Comics Series

2007-10-03T08:39:00.001-07:00

52. The Emerald Head of Ekron.
51. a DC comic where Batman doesn't play a major or even significant subsidiary role.
50. J. G. Jones's covers. Absolutely stunning.
49. Kathy Kane-- nothing like an inexplicably hot red-head lesbian dark knight.
48. The fact that unlike Countdown, there is a collection of tight stories following several different heroes/groups that you can count on moving along steadily every issue or so and that you are invested in because (unlike Countdown) they are like, um, well-written and stuff.
47. Pretty much every scene on Oolong Island (hello, mad-scientists from around the world, collected and given an infinite checking account?)
46. The just plain weird shit that consistently happens. I'm looking at you Grant Morrison.
45. The roller-coaster ride that is following Booster Gold.
44. The depth of knowledge this series has given me about the DC Universe. Seriously, the writers must have read every issue ever on every character ever written ever.
43. Egg Fu. hehe.
42. The fact that I have listed 10 things before even referring to Black Adam in the slightest.
41. the fact that Black Adam is one bad mother.
40. Watching Black Adam finally fall in love and start a family (this is going to work out so well! Um, right the Hulk?)
39. Those gruesome and totally awesome (sorry for unleashing my inner fan-boy) depictions of the latter 3 Four Horsemen. They would give my nightmares nightmares.
38. Pretty much every scene Animal Man is in.
37. Speaking of, the fact that there is that whole rad space opera story-line with Animal Man, Adam Strange, Lobo, and Starfire.
36. the title "Rain of the Supermen"
35. the fact that even though there is no Joker, we still get an honest to goodness Big Bad in Luthor and his...
34. Infinity, Inc. Yeah, just Luthor being totally altruistic. right. sure. nothing evil about it.
33. The bad-ass noir stylings of the Question.
32. the fact that i can go 20 items deep before even mentioning the plight of Elongated Man.
31. Speaking of Dibny, that one moment where he's defiantly busting up what he thinks is a hoax resurrection of his wife and he realizes it would have worked.
30. More floating heads, i.e. the helmet of Dr Fate as Dibny's personal guide.
29. Sobek. a talking, sheepish giant crocodile.
28. the group of Chinese superheroes whose complicated and drawn-out names I cannot remember but who are all freaking great.
27. The sheer number of characters in the cast and the fact that it never feels overwhelming or cheap (ahem, unlike Countdown). the reader understands when a character is a side character and doesn't feel worried when his/her part is limited, likewise readers are encouraged to read ferociously close to anything having to do with the bigguns.
26. Black Adam totally rips a guy in half in the third issue.
25. Not really big on the John Henry Irons/Natasha plot-line but the family-esque drama is definitely needed a) to off-set some of the bigger, global and galactic story-lines...
24. b) to run parallel (and echo) to the family-esque drama of the Black Adam Family. You see, evil and good are really the same, silly folks and their pride...
23. Aquaman cameo! bearded, lost, left for dead!
22. Lobo's new 'faith.'
21. the return of the metal men!
20. the whole conception of Skeets and his HAL-like uber-evilness.
19. Rip Hunter.
18. Renee Montoya's very gritty, not quite 'realistic' story-line (this is a comic book after all) but a less cape-y plot that grounds all the silliness transpiring elsewhere.
17. Adam Strange's crinkly empty eye-sockets.
16. the (unlike Marvel) complete gender balancing act. There are so many important women involved in this series, very refreshing.
15. the everyman program being a subtle and very funny (if unintentional) giant fuck you to Marvel's paranoid registration and concurrent civil war. Marvel: hey, the people of our world fear and hate strange capes and tights, let's make them all into paid goons and have the really cool characters fight this law and go underground. DC: we understand that everyone in our world thinks that superheroes are totally fucking awesome and that everyone would want to be one if possible.
14. no Superman, no Wonder Woman, no Bat. And this was supposed to be a bad thing?
13. the fact i'm still a full quarter left in the tank and I'm this happy.
12. World War 3 right around the corner.
11. that (unlike Countdown) this series doesn't force connections with every other DC property operating at the same time. (or if it did, that the story's in this collection function totally on their own and stand up just fine).
10. the truly epic, globe trotting feel of several stories. You really get a sense of the DC globe and all of the many strange places, e.g. Nanda Parbat, Atlantis, etc.
09. All the things going on 'off camera.' name-dropping, letting the reader fill in gaps, all of it works.
08. Osiris's brief but poignant relationship with the Teen Titans.
07. The sheer love and broken-ness of Elongated Man's struggle.
06. The Specter's cameo in said struggle.
05. The whole mystery and reveal of Supernova's identity.
04. all the cool 'easter eggs' in Rip Hunter's lab detailing all of the neat things cooking in DC's future, now, present.
03. so. much. evil. seriously. makes heroes really feel like people up against an impossible task.
02. Good guy's who are good guys. fuck that batman noise. yeah, they are well rounded and sometimes do bad things and get confused, etc, but these guys (Animal Man, Elongated Man, etc) are heroes through and through, you want to root for them forever.
01. that (unlike Countdown) its not Countdown.

Why I Hate Warren Ellis

2007-08-04T17:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here's the deal. I loved Desolation Jones and would gladly give up my left ball to have a new issue any time soon. The problem with that, besides the fact I'm attached to my left ball, is that Warren Ellis is a fucking douche bag.

Maybe I should back up a little.

About six months ago I picked up the latest issue of Desolation Jones from the comic book store. This issue was the beginning of a second arc and I was eager to purchase it. A month passes and I'm back at my crack house/comic shop and all I see for sale is the month old issue I've already purchased. Not one to overreact I just assume that the series puts out new issues every other month. That's fine. It's a good comic and Ellis is a busy guy what with that whole paying the bills and writing everything under the sun thing he has going on.

So I wait. Next month I go in and still no Desolation Jones. In an attempt to see if maybe I was early or possibly late in getting the next/last issue I go up to my hallowed comic monger and ask "So is the new Desolation Jones out?"

The rotund comic keeper replies "No, not yet and I don't know when the new one is due out but it should be soon, that issue on the shelves is old."

Agreed. It was old. Two months old now. Not one to lose all hope at the first sign of resistance I have since gone back to my Ye Olde Comic Shoppe once a month to no avail each and every time. At this point they know me. I come in, look at the stacks, pick my prizes, saddle up the register and the first thing I can see is the "I have no idea about Desolation Jones, please stop asking me, give up already" look. I ask anyway and get the aforementioned response.

Maybe the publisher decided to drop the comic because it wasn't getting good reviews. Maybe Ellis is too busy with the big titles he is doing for the big names, the cash cows that pay the rent and buy his weight in caffeine and deep-fried (the two major food groups). Those are the things I told myself.

Well, the first isn't true: the series got great reviews and had a lot of good press from everyone; sales were solid and fans were happy. Now the second I could believe true. In fact, I did believe that to be the case. I feverishly believed that was the case... until last week.

Happily I went to the comic shop, money in hand, dreams in my soulless heart, looking for my fix of four colors. Greedily did I paw through the stacks of pulp papers, dejected once again that Desolation Jones, while still on the shelves, has yet to receive a new issue. That's when IT happened, that definable moment where in my mind IT was solidified. Warren Ellis is a fucking douche bag.

Those wonderful folks at Avatar brought this revelation to me in the form of not one but two new comics by none other that Warren Ellis: Doctor Sleepless and Black Summer.

That mother fucker. All this time he could have been working on Desolation Jones and he's out there being so fucking ADD that he starts two new series. He didn't even have the courtesy of just canceling Desolation Jones. I feel like the wife he has been cheating on over and over again with different women, always expecting him to come back to me and promise never to stray. All I end up getting is a burning sensation when I pee and a wicked case of the clap.

Just in case you didn't get the point of this post Warren Ellis is a fucking douche bag.

Oh, and keep a lookout for my reviews of both Doctor Sleepless and Black Summer.

Sinister Monday #12

2007-07-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

Lemme say this before I get to the comix thing. Because people bitch about the weather so damn much this needs to be said and said loudly. I am currently living through the most beautiful Summer I have ever seen. Seriously. Gorgeous. Rarely over 80 degrees. Seldomly lower than 70. Once or twice over 85. Sunny and breezy and not even humid all that much. Top it off with some pretty dazzling Thunderstorms, always in the early/late evening when I've already gotten home and you got yourself one helluva Summer.

There now. Can't say that all I do is bitch about the weather. Moving on.

Picked up some good stuff at the LCS today. Got me some Avengers: Initiative, Avengers: Mighty, Walking Dead, Spidey, etc. Gonna be good. Already tore through the Kirkman and may post later in the week about it in a feature (it's over-due, trust me) so I will stay coy about it now, but dude. it was pretty fine.

Got my solicits for October and may sign up for DC's infinite halloween thingie, sounds like a blast. Thats where all of Arkhum's residents take turns trying to scare each other with stories every year. Got some interesting names penning stories this time around, David Arquette being the oddest and most "hmmm that could be good or really, really bad." Also definitely going to get me some Messiah Complex because apparently I am a complete X-man whore. Seriously. Never knew it before, never thought that this is where I would be, not too long ago I was content with my Dark Knight and my Sandman and my Fables. But now I'm like that one cheerleader from your high-school varsity team who nobody knows how she got on the team because she's not particularly athletic but certianly turns heads and ends up sleeping with the entire football team. The football team this time being Cyclops, Beast, Gambit, Cannonball, Wolverine, Iceman, and Jamie Madrox.

Keep sweeping through the Indies and Undies and never really find anything to shout about. Sure there's your hellboys and WDs and 603 titles penned by Ellis, Ennis, and Carey, but nothing has tickled my fancy in a great while. With the other hounds lording it up over Buffy and the complete Brian Wood comicography, its slim pickens. So yeah, anybody got any recommendations I'm all ears.

So cenTrale's old 7th tier of Hell chum is selling off his comics and I'm interested in taking a gander. Should be some good stuff. I wonder when that day will arrive for me. When I make the inevitable sale that everyone seems to make. When assets are liquidated, comics are sworn off for a year or so, maybe 2, then you walk in on a lark and pick up an issue of your favorite character and you are right back where you started, the cycle is complete. There's no escape, there's a reason we're Hellhounds. Its downright easy to drop by and walk through our gates, we're not guarding the way in, not that persistently that is. But try and get yourself out... good luck to ya.

Next Monday I will be on the road with the Siren so there may be a delay or a lack of something sinister altogether. Well, most of the drive will be through Ohio and Indiana so scratch that, there will be plenty of sinister things but they will be more of the mundane persuasion, like grown men wearing sweatpants outside of the confines of their home and towns small enough to survive solely around a single gas stations that double as a grocery store, movie rental shop, gossip fount, ice cream stand, apothecary, funeral home, and bingo parlor. *shudder*

Laters.

Captain America #28

2007-07-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

Captain America #28

Writer: Brubaker
Artists: Epting & Perkins
Colorist: D'Amata

Spoilers Ahead. Please be aware that events in the past 4 issues of Captain America will be discussed below.

It takes a talent to keep a comic series alive and kicking after you've gunned down the titular character. With 'Steve Rogers & Friends' now just '& Friends,' readers could very easily be expected to bail on Captain America. Yet in spite of this, Brubaker's absolute mastery of the spy-thriller/espionage genre leaves me anxious for more each and every issue. And it's not like I'm a huge fan of the Falcon or Bucky or any of the myriad folks so crucial to the life of this story. One can easily forget that Cap's death was just chapter 1 of the story arc "Death of a Dream." Just as that title resonates and begins to suggest far more than the death of just one man (a.k.a 'a dream' instead of 'a hero'), Brubaker allows a very singular and powerful event reverberate down into all of the hollows of the Marvel Universe.

Captain America #28 is a fractured issue composed of an almost bewildering number of these reverberations. Split up into 9 brief mini-stories, the reader is constantly shuffled back and forth between arcs featuring the Winter Soldier, the Falcon, Tony Stark, Sharon Carter, and two antagonists, Doc Faustus and Sin. I suppose my only complaint is a quite purposeful lack of focus as the reader is never satisfied with just a few pages of material on each character. Yet I understand the reasoning behind such a disjointed approach, and for me that nullifies the disorientation. The world, as these characters know it, has been irrevocably shattered. The broken quality of the narrative is exacerbated by the generous amount of 'screen time' given to 'extras.' Brubaker is fond of giving the reader the thoughts of the average joe on the street (or bar stool as the case may be) and on a story arc like this one it's even more important. With Cap's death filtering down to each and every human of the Marvel Universe its easy to forget that there are more than just capes and hoods feeling the effects.

The Falcon/Winter Soldier dichotomy is really starting to pay off. As the latter character presses on toward his ultimate goal of killing off all those responsible for Cap's assassination (which includes, for the time being, Iron Man and the Red Skull), the Falcon is doing what he can to actually prevent the death of Steve Roger's self-proclaimed best friend. These two are going to come to blows soon enough and with Sharon Carter, the woman who delivered the fatal shot to Captain America (under mind control or not) teamed up with the Falcon, who knows what will happen if Bucky ever finds out who pulled the final trigger.

The only mini-story that seems to fall flat (1 outta 9 ain't bad) is the Professor X cameo. I realize that this is the proverbial coffin nail on Crossbones' part of this story but all of the Xavier style interrogation seemed excessive in a storyline as gritty and 'realistic' and 'noirish' as this one. Though it was interesting to see the interpersonal relationship between Tony and Charles, I had almost forgotten that they are both on the Illuminati, and while one can see that the two respect each other's abilities, a real friendship here is notably absent. Here's how the verbal exchange woulda gone down if Chuck and Tony weren't such detached Masters of the Universe:

Tony: "So, ole Crossbones' memory banks are a blank slate, eh?"

Chuck: "Yeah, that sumbitch got tore up inside."

Tony: "Well, you did what you could..."

Chuck: "Say, you wanna go grab a beer?" (says this while 'encouraging' a particular answer)

Tony: "Well I do now!" (Both of them hold their stomachs and laugh gleefully while Crossbones' head lolls back and forth, mentally destroyed)

~end scene~

Back to our regularly scheduled review...
The cover girl, Sin, steals some scenes and gives the dark issue its brief points of comic relief. Maybe I just have a thing for red-heads but it also gives the issue some much needed comicbook kick-ass babery. Nothing like a Jovovich like psychopath in a red-leather corset to, er, spice things up a bit. As the Red Skull's daughter and a woman soon to have a huge target on her freckled head, i foresee some hard times for the girl in the near future, but for now she's shooting first and, well, not really asking any questions so much as slithering into ridiculously tight-fitting uniforms.

The two biggest revelations of the issue involve the hunter and the hunted. We get some more inner-monologue from Bucky and while he isn't halting his quest to put a bullet in Tony, we can finally tell that he actually realizes this whole thing really isn't completely Tony's fault, and begins to try and figure out where the Red Skull fits in behind all this, crime detective style. Meanwhile Tony, after his above referenced meeting with Xavier, gets a rather disturbing letter. It appears Cap isn't through 'acting' in his own series after all. A friend of Matt Murdock's is holding a letter to be delivered to, and only to, Tony Stark in the event of Steve Roger's death. Apparently it was composed during the Civil War while Cap was having rather poignant thoughts of not making it out of that war alive. The whole "Dead Letter Department" min-story is a complete teaser as we never find out what it actually says. All we get is Tony's mumbled "Damn it Steve..." However, the whole letter sequence does arrive just after a purposefully planted segment where Tony is dismissing a S.H.I.E.L.D. soldier who has nominated himself to be Cap's replacement. Does this letter have anything to do with legacy I wonder?

As I said before, just as suspenseful as your Bourne Identity style spy thriller, Captain America leaves me wanting more each and every time. Rating: Snake-eyes, since you really can't be expected to maintain a Voltron each and every issue, especially when the last Voltron happens to be the death of Captain America.

Sinister Monday #11

2007-07-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

and just barely. as i write this its 11.12pm. damn close to being a sinister tuesday. Alas.

say it with me brothers...

Three!

(budda budda budda)

Sentence!!

(budda budda budda budda)

Howls!!!
*deafening cheer*

Justice Society of America #7
Johns scribing, Eagleton scratching.
What it means to be family. Legacy. More of the same?
Rating: Gimli

X-Factor #21
Writer: Peter David
Interesting how a guy who can multiply himself at will gets so damn lonely. Enter the Isolationist and host of mo' money, mo' problems (mo' babies?). Layla's acting all freaky too.
Rating: Gimli

World War Hulk #2
Pak and Romita Jr.
Hulk is getting the shaft every which way. If people only came up to him honestly instead of all this disingenuous postering and tricksterism. Maybe Mr Fantastic IS a Skrull.
Rating: Starscream.

New X-men #40
Kyle and Yost (a.k.a. the grim reapers of childrens)
Once again i go in kinda sorta hoping this would suck (okay not really but whatevs) and once again this series comes out, if not quite at the tip-top, then right there near the summit of a healthy buy pile. I think the new x-men must be a blast to write seeing as you can use familiar archetypes, framing, and toys but these still are your own creations and characters are still so malleable... you can kill them or spin them in any which way. The use of Colossus sister is a perfect example--girl's bad news.
rating: Snake-eyes.

Justice League of America #11
Brad Meltzer: writer
Gene Ha: artist
A House of Leaves style comicbook experiment. I've seen things like this go bad in a hurry. Good thing this one shines on and on.
Rating: Voltron (you have to see it to believe it. Also, you'll either love it or hate it, one of those)

The Order #1
Matt Fraction and Barry Kitson
Like the new x-men, here are some brand new toys. Mixed results, though they do get points for 'killing' off so many newbies right in the first issue. Sorta like the balls Lost had when it still thought killing Jack off in the first episode was a good idea.
Rating: Gimli (but unlike Lost, this likely won't get by on charm, hype, good luck, and plain old hot-shit writing)

Madman Atomic Comics #3
Mike Allred. Mike Allred all the time.
This is a comicbook dressed up like philosophy. Never wanted to read Preacher/100 Bullets/the Punisher/Scalped so much in my life. A visual experiment every bit as much adventurous as JLA #11 (perhaps more so) but much less successful--hmmm maybe its because the latter actually had a plot.
rating: Starscream

Three-Sentence Howl: cenTrale #3

2007-07-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

Well, good ol' RHD had to go ahead and fix some beefy mixings for LeftD, yours truly, the respective Sirens and assorted other demonic entities. Consequently, it behooved me to fill in on this occasion. Not that y'all mind an excess of cenTraley goodness; we all know it's what you crave. So feast like my fellow heads and I did during the siege of Troy, that "real war" as Ares recently described it in the pages of Mighty Avengers. Hades, everything has seemed so paltry since...

Fantastic Four #547

Writer: Dwayne McDuffie

Artist: Paul Pelletier

I can't help but think, every single time I reflect back on Hank Pym's comment about why everyone hates Reed Richards, that maybe LeftD is right and Pym is the Skrull in the “Infiltration's” cap. Yeah, so Richards is disgustingly smart, Panther gets shit done, Torch acts like a frat boy and Storm is not to be messed with under any circumstances, particularly those that deal with her features. Funny how this actually feels like a family, eh?

Ranking: Snake-eyes 'cause something is up someone's sleeve and I'm sure better is to come.

Nova #4

Writer: Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning

Artist: Sean Chen & Scott Hanna

It really is rather fascinating the difference between Richard Ryder all-powered up and Ryder otherwise: in the latter, his design is kinda straightforward and, in the former, he's got this really weird neck. This is not to say that I dislike either design, it's just that I do find the neck a touch distracting. On the other hand, this whole series and its Galactic ('cause they do deserve the capitalization) counterparts do a phenomenal job of placing the various quandaries facing the post-Civil War Earth in a fascinating context.

Ranking: Snake-eyes as it's good, but I feel like a couple of pieces to the puzzle were lost deliberately.

Runaways #27

Writer: Joss Whedon

Artist: Michael Ryan

Joss knows teenage rebellion via some seriously weird transformations. Joss also knows how to take material he himself did not originate and take it to a different place (i.e., Astonishing X-Men). Somehow, this lil' trip to the past with the Runaways crew has yet to completely convince me that Joss knows the Runaways.

Ranking: Gimli given that Whedon rarely disappoints, even more so when it comes to teenage superheroics.

Sub-Mariner #2

Writer: Matt Cherniss & Peter Johnson

Artist: Phil Briones

Why oh why do people continue to mess with Namor? Seriously, we know he's an Atlantean and, by default, is baseline stronger than we are, not to mention he's an Atlantean mutant, so who the hell knows what he can and cannot do? Oh, and he's an arrogant prick that would not hesitate to rip out the tongue alongside of the offending eye; so why fuck with this man?

Ranking: Gimli as it's only just starting to rev up but has a bit to go before it kicks out of el idle.

X-Factor #21

Writer: Peter David

Artist: Pablo Raimondi

You should be reading this comic. Really. Sooner or later everything important in Marvel will be traceable, in the best sense possible, back to this book.

Ranking: Snake-eyes because I'm really not kidding and this is only going to get better and not in that Aquaman sort of getting better 'cause Peter David ain't leaving anytime soon and if he does we might have a hostage situation on our hands.

Sinister Monday #10

2007-07-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

There's good news and then there's bad news. What's that? You want to hear the bad news first? Such a noble little stoic you are. Well... the bad news is that for the first time in almost 2 months, I failed to visit the LCS. So no new comics for me. I was expecting a tidy little haul, too. But the good news is that this week's release will be just as robust, that on Wednesday (or thereabouts) I will drop by and oh the splendor and glory of purchasing 12+ issues at once! It shall be great. It will smell like victory.

In the comic void this past week I stuffed an ocean of music. The pitchfork music festival, a gogol bordello show last night, a brand new Pelican cd... but y'all could give a care, I know. You came here to read about fancy pictures and word-bubbles, about capes and WHAM!s and 'graphic narrative art.' I'll try and oblige.

The last few days I've been re-reading the House of M. Several points to make:

1. Really like Coipel's art. Makes a man think about purchasing Thor, if another more devious and 'Godly' hound didn't beat me to it. But share and share alike I spose. Coipel's art is crisp and functional, not as painstakingly real as a Cassaday or a McNiven (whose Thing + Invisible Woman desktop wallpaper adorns the PC of my new desk at work) but in the process more comicbooky. Vive la France! (er, Coipel's french)

2. BENDIS! loves himself some epics. I know him best through the various Avengers lines and for the upcoming Skrullsploitation saga. But back in the day, (okay, not quite 2 years ago) BENDIS! scribed the House and pretty much set up the foundation of contemporary Marvel U. Sure, the Muties didn't play much of a role in Civil War, but the Avengers did, and House is just as much there story as it is the X-men's.

3. Er, be careful what you wish for? tee hee hee.

4. For once a place for Logan to play protagonist and still be sort of a side character. Odd how that works, and I can't really explain it, but both fun and non-compromising at the same time. And by that I mean sure it adds to wolverine's rabid over-exposure but he's not out of character here.

In addition to this re-tread-ification, I've finished a brilliant collected volume of Brian Wood's called Demo. I owe thanks to el cenTrale for this. He's a Brian Wood fan-boy. can't get enough. loves him. wants to marry him, if, you know, a hell-hound could marry a 'body of writing'. What strange offspring that might produce. Hadean Criticism, perhaps? Don't we already have enough of that floating around these wastes?

In other news, the three hounds recently got together at a local hellmouth, um, watering hole and squared away our own collective pull-lists. Here's what I, LeftD nailed down:

New Avengers
Justice Society of America
the Walking Dead
the Amazing Spider-Man
Mighty Avengers
Daredevil
Captain America (what can I say, I'm a Marvelslut)
X-men
New X-men
Countdown
Madman's Atomic Comics

and others, I think. By the by, Fables, the official comic of Cerberus Reviews, was off the table. We all want to keep buying that'un.

So yeah, big BIG set up for next week. Could be, dare I say, WILL be, huge. like used car saleman commercial huge. and that's freaking fucking huge.

<-----D

Three-Sentence Howl: cenTrale #2

2007-07-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

All-Star Superman #8

Writer: Grant Morrison

Pencils: Frank Quitely

Morrison continues to deliver a sci-fi strangeness that magnificently emphasizes the curiosity that is Superman. I mean, while we're used to an alien being representing what is best in humanity, it's not exactly standard storybook fare. My hat is off, then, to Morrison for reminding us of this fact.

Ranking: Snake-eyes 'cause this issue just isn't quite as good as some of the earlier ones (I have to maintain something that approaches consistency, right?).

Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #53

Writer: Tad Williams

Pencils: Shawn McManus

They can keep their incongruous cover art. They can choke on it too. See if I care.

Ranking: Joe Camel (and if anyone wants a Starscream for this one...I swear to God I will go at any time, place of your choosing, over this one.)

Birds of Prey #107

Writer: Gail Simone

Pencils: Nicola Scott

Honestly, this arc has been a kind of fun romp through the fringes of the current DC-verse. That said, word is Simone leaves after next issue. If Tad takes over I might have to self-immolate or just boycott DC altogether...maybe both.

Ranking: Snake-eyes with a hope and a prayer that my reading options won't take a further turn for the worse.

Brave & the Bold #4

Writer: Mark Waid

Pencils: George Perez

Neither terribly exciting nor terribly bad, this particular comic is more of a diversion than anything else. Admittedly, that is all, I believe, it was ever intended to be. Therefore I won't judge it harshly as of yet.

Ranking: Gimli as it is enjoyable enough, but possibly not worth picking up on a consistent basis.

Detective Comics #834

Writer: Paul Dini

Pencils: Don Kramer

First time I've come across a multi-part story and it ain't bad. It isn't exactly fantastic, but it ain't bad either. Nice to see the Joker again in actual panels.

Ranking: Snake-eyes as this is probably the best single issue of any major “cape” in DC in the near and far future.

Battle Pope #12

2007-07-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

Story: Robert Kirkman
Art: Tony Moore
Colorist: Val Staples

We all have our dirty little secrets. Maybe it’s the office supplies you can’t help but steal, maybe the constant consumption of grocery store produce before you make it to the register so you don’t have to pay for it, maybe it’s the dead bodies buried beneath your concrete floor in that basement apartment you rent. Its those “victimless crimes” we all do that we don’t let anyone know about for no particular reason other than we know that they are wrong, just not that wrong. That’s what Battle Pope is for me.

That’s not to say that Battle Pope is a bad comic, it’s just not supposed to be anything more than it appears to be. There are no deep hidden meanings to what is written, no larger than life moral lesson being taught here. No, if I had to give anyone advice before reading an issue of Battle Pope it would be to either turn the part of their brain that does the thinking off or get drunk first. Guess which one I prefer. And I’m ok with that lack of substance in a comic. It just reminds me that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and not a big brown smokey cock that people like to suck on. Comics were started to be fun for kids, not huge literary genres that change the way people view the coming zombie apocalypse or the god of dreams, but I’m ok with that too. I just like seeing someone firmly slap readers in the face and yell “STOP THINKING SO GOD DAMNED MUCH!” But that’s only cause I want to do that on a daily bases to everyone I meet.

Speaking of everyone you meet, who knew that the pope was such a horny old goat? At least in this incarnation. Fucks anything with two legs that lacks a Y chromosome. That and he likes to blow stuff up. But I’m getting ahead of myself, some back story is necessary. So one day God gets up and looks at His Daily Planner and sees circled in red “RAPTURE TODAY” and has to get His tired ass out of bed to call up the worthy souls into heaven. Problem is that only about 3 people are worthy. God gets pissed, and not like some-one-took-the-last-beer-from-the-fridge pissed, no, more like stubbed-His-toe-getting-up-from-the-couch-that-some-one-
burnt-cigarettes-into-while-drunk-tripped-over-the-rug-smacks-His-head-
against-a-cabinet-in-the-kitchen-that-was-left-open-only-to-find-that-
someone-drank-the-last-fucking-beer-without-asking-or-replacing-it pissed. Yeah, that pissed. So God throws up His hands and says fuck it I’m done, you are all on your own. That lets the devil and demons from Hell out to run the face of the earth, but they end up being basically just like people: Some are just annoying, some are just a little bad, others are just pricks. But that leaves all of humanity without any real direction and no one cares if demons are ruining everything. So the old Pontiff gets off his sorry ass and gets to fighting crime with his new side kick Jesus, who acts like a kid with down syndrome most of the time, like a hippy with some serious herb, like a frat boy with some serious herb, like a trust fund kid with no interest in earning a living. What I’m getting at is he is basically useless, though funny at times.

Anyway, so this particular issue has the Pope running around like he usually does, with no plan and no real care that he has no plan. Meanwhile Jesus and Santa Claus are trying to pull their weight by fighting crime. Yeah you read that correctly, pick up Battle Pope #11 if you want to find out about the Santa part. Anyway, they suck at it. Fighting just isn’t their thing. When the Pope finds out about their stunt he goes and does his thing to get them out of trouble but ends up being attacked by a small demon with a giant robotic suit who has a grudge against the Pope because he slipped the pickle to a female demon that the short one is jonesing over. The end is great but all I will say is that the Pope made God mad by sleeping with Jesus’ Mom at Christmas. Trouble ensues.

The artwork here is fantastic. All the characters are fleshed out in ink and pencil that makes them seem a lot more believable than most of your spandex wearing capes: The villains seem larger than life, God is awe inspiring, Jesus drools. Backgrounds aren’t ignored to make the main characters seem more life like either, Each one is meticulously drawn and all lend a sense of reality to each panel, from the diner the Pope frequents to the evil lab the short demon uses. Everything drawn is solid and plays nicely with the loose story. Most importantly the artist remembers what he is drawing and that he doesn’t have to take everything so damned seriously.

Battle Pope is a solid comic overall, no mistakes as far as I can see so I have to give this comic a Voltron: Nothing bad to see here dear reader, save for your pestering faces and the smell of dead bodies stinking up my apartment.

RHD

Sinister Monday #9

2007-07-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

Sinister Monday... actually written on a Monday? Solomon Grundy? Bueller?

Usually I'm a bit better prepared. I generally write these posts on Sunday, where an ocean of time stretches out before me like those gigantic puddles that form after rainstorms on the back streets of the city where all the filth has clogged up the drains, fast-food styrofaom, candy wrappers, broken bottles, used condoms, dead rats, dead leaves, and dead babies... er, gee, where am I? Let that metaphor drag me away like the anchor of an oil tanker slamming into an iceberg, crew being sucked down into the inky void of... I'll stop, I promise.

Boy, it's great to have the three cerberus heads howling in chorus, ain't it? RHD's pumping out reviews like (oh Christ, not again) a, um, a person who enjoys reading comics and gets thoughts about them? Yeah, that's it. And beloved El cenTrale. He just won't shut his trap. goes on and on about radioactive sperm. it's radioactive sperm this, and radioactive sperm that. Keep this between just the two of us but me, I think he's jealous. I think old center head wishes he too could irradiate bitches with his essence. Um, just in case you think I've gone excessively crude and misogynistic all of a sudden, I'm using bitches in the female hellhound sense, and not the gangsta rap sense. Though I'm curious as to whether or not there isn't already a female rapper with a hellish surname, like Bitchy Von Hades, Sally Struthers, or Whorebags McGoingToHellWithLotsOfBling. This is why I need a research department. That and because as far as facts go, I'm fresh out.

Light load this week at the ole LCS. Seeing as I'm the only hound who makes a weekly trip, you'd expect my stash to be slightly smaller. And that's where you'd be wrong. I'm picking up something like 20 issues a month. 4 a week or so. This week it was:

Countdown: 43
Uncanny X-men #4,332,902 (plus endangered species chapter 2)
City of Others #3

and something else I pull but can't remember because i haven't got around to reading it yet. see folks? precious little facts. mostly just opinions (and metaphors, apparently).

Things I learned from the latest Uncanny X-persons:

1. Salvador Larocca isn't always bad. One shouldn't judge a guy on just one book (*cough* NewUniversal *cough*) and the silly practice of comicbook photo-realist art. I'm sorry but i don't care if you think it's fucking rad that ultimate nick fury looks like Sam Jackson. I'd rather he just look Black, loaded with weapons and it'll-kill-you-so-fast gadgets, and pissed off. Yet Larocca's X-persons are slick. Especially Storm. There is something in his lines which suggests a regal quality of an African born warrior goddess, and not 'just' a hawt black chick.

2. Warpath (nee Thunderbird) is still boring. Even when he's wrassling gators.

3. Morlocks, morlocks, evil little morlocks, where does your garden grow?

4. I'm a bit confused as to how exactly Masque's powers work. While everyone on the subway is incapacitated he says something to the effect of "Now these people will feel what it's like to be a mutant." And after he touches them they are all hideous freaks. But does he mutate them? Are they all mutants now? If so, Beast better call somebody. Surely, a little research on Masque couldn't hurt. And Beast probably has a better R&D team than Cerberus Reviews. Thus the me not having any facts dilemma mentioned above. And writing dilEmma just reminds me of the white queen and makes me wonder why she isn't in every x-comic. Talk about hawt.

As Far as DC's Countdown goes, I give it a resounding 'Meh.' I'm just not getting into it like I did 52's first trade (still waiting for the boys upstairs to put out Vol2, little help DC?). Maybe its a character thing, maybe I just don't care about Jason Todd, or Holly Robinson, or Jimmy Olsen (Must Die. sorry, old habits die hard. Or in this case, old advertising ploys die hard. Bruce Willis dies hard? Live free or... sorry again, I'm in stream of associative consciousness this morning. my bad). Also, it seems like every issue is artificially centered around some big event I could care less about. The death of a new god! A funeral to a character whose death never occurs in Countdown! The only issue I really enjoyed was the Olsen/Joker convo, the only issue to really end on a cliffhanger (i.e. the threat of Jimmy being Croc-clawed to ribbons).

As the lunch hour approaches my thoughts shift to edamame. see ya next week. and I'm out.

TGIC #5

2007-07-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I ain't gonna lie, it's been a good long while since I've posted in this regard. Not that the number on this here TGIC would lead you to believe I've been so silent as I might imply. Admittedly – and interestingly – I haven't exactly felt as though that which needs saying hasn't been said, what with LeftD holding down the fort in such a superlative manner in my (and Righty...he'd gnaw on our collective leg were I to forget him) absence. Hades, his pull list all but perfectly reflects the various changes and challenges posed by the big two in the past few months (when was the last time you envied someone for a pull list including both New Avengers and Captain America?). Nonetheless, I've been quiet for quite long enough and have a thing or two to, ever so briefly and in a split infinitive manner, say...

I think the duology, as a certain someone has described Marvel and DC, may have jumped the shark. Yes, they now can pull off yearly events and, yes, they are now able to pull off the “perpetual” yearly event (52, Countdown, the revised Spiderman [and I have no idea which book this applies to, still], etc.). Furthermore, both companies now have the talent (BENDIS!, ..., ..., hmm, well, BENDIS! and so on, I suppose) to pull off such extravaganzas. OK, ain't gonna knock that unless I have to...and I really ain't had to quite yet.

Nonetheless...WTF??? I'm very much in support of easter eggs and the like, but you seriously expect us not to be pissed about, or at the very least wary of, a company-wide plan that somehow or other ties in everything that has taken place over the last couple years. Sure, we keep hearing about these really super retreats that every writer comes out of pumped to continue to pull the wool over the readers' eyes, and yet, I can't help to feel cheapened by all this. Sure, we should really worry about what we're reading at a panel-by-panel level, and yet. And yet...

While we're on the whole WTF thing...

Radioactive sperm. Really? Not that anyone would take the bet, but $20 says they regret this much sooner than later. Marvel just can't seem to get their quasi-Elseworlds shit together. I probably, though no promises, wouldn't be as pissed were it not for the horrific track record. Bloody well commit if you don't want to look like a damn idiot. For the love of Zeus in Olympus, can't we at least kill a character without resorting to a dumb ass gimmick like...oh, I don't know...RADIOACTIVE SPERM!!!

Anyways, that's about all I can really stomach being pissy in the stomach concerning. Funny how a brief rant ends up significantly shorter than one of my “quick” reviews, eh? See you later on this week for some more review-ing goodness. As always, your overly friendly and slobbery,

cenTrale

The Boys #7

2007-07-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

Story: God (a.k.a Garth Ennis)
Art: Darick Robertson

Hey look at the time. Its fanboy time again. Sure it's been a month since I've touched a comic and yes, I've been drinking less than normal but don't worry dear reader, I'm back and off the wagon. Point in fact, its only 10:30 and I've been drinking since 10:00 AM. So this review should be not only educational but also entertaining, ridden with typos and at times make no sense what so ever. Lets put on our drinking hats, put on some Motorhead, and review The Boys' return from hiatus.

Originally published by DC imprint WildStorm Productions, The Boys was dropped for being written by Garth Ennis; By that I mean it was too graphic, vulgar and well written for DC to handle. The first six issues are fantastic and show the titular characters getting back together to once again keep the capes in check with their brand of vigilante justice. Turns out that all those wonderful super powers that everyone has come from doing drugs…ok not all drugs but a specific kind. In pure form it gives you powers indefinitely. In small form it just acts like pcp on crack…err…you know what I mean. The Boys use this drug to level the playing filed with these bastards, cause most of them are, bastards that is, and act like the Russian CIA agents before the wall fell. Any cape doing anything illegal is visited and treated like redheaded stepchild in a foster home.

That first arc introduces a new boy to the group who lost his girl in a tragic if not darkly humorous superhero accident. The end of the first arc concludes wonderfully with the new guy testing out his newfound powers in the middle of a fight with a superhero group and accidentally punching through the one cape he was fighting. If that weren't enough ichor for the fan base, then a hamster wiggles its way out of the dead cape's nether regions wrapped in duct tape. This part doesn't need to be mentioned for story or art reviewing, I just wanted to see that in type.

That was the last issue that WildStorm produced before they dropped The Boys like a colicky baby. The good news is that Dynamite Entertainment, the same folks that bring you Army of Darkness, picked up the dropped series and said do whatever the fuck you want, you're Garth fucking Ennis. Cause he is you know, Garth Fucking Ennis. It is actually his middle name. True story.

The new issue, well, its great. The opening line alone is worth the price of admission. An armor clad cape sits in an office saying "Doctor—I can't stop fucking things…" The title of this arc is "Get Some" and that alone is worth buying all the issues. Any group that is willing to pun and pun well gets my loyalty. The story lines is basically just starting to get rolling but two separate tracks are already being laid to converge and I predict a lot of violence and mayhem, which I look forward to. The Boys are getting started up with their intel gathering and training their new recruit while the cape with the nymphomaniac impulses is killing small Mexican rodents with his member, and trying not to pull a fucked up Graduate on his young side kick. Lots of jokes abound and Ennis's dark humor is prevalent throughout. I just don't see this ever going south.

The artwork has kept its standards high as well and with the publishing crossover nothing has been lost. Darick Robertson continues to draw The Boys with detail that rivals most any comic that I've seen. In this issue two of The Boys enter a comic shop and Robertson gives each and every comic in the shop that you can see a distinct title and cover art. Roberston 's dedication to the small details makes The Boys an entertaining read; His attention to human anatomy sometimes makes you squeamish (see the hamster scene mentioned above). As long as Robertson continues to flesh this comic out it will always be worth looking through.

Currently this comic is one of my favorites. As anyone who has read any of my past Ennis based posts before can tell you, I'm gay for the guy. I know my fellow hounds will kill me but I think this particular series is groundbreaking in what it is doing and its continuation after being dropped by a major publisher to go to an independent is a rare occurance. For that alone I'd like to give The Boys our top rating but I need to know what that character is.

Drinks drunk: one very heavily poured Knobb Creek and Coke.

Sinister Monday #8

2007-07-01T10:34:00.000-07:00

Let me indulge a letter to the editor for just one moment. Ahem.

Dear Cerby,
Love the site, but have to ask, where'd the single issue reviews go? Nobody out there in the comic blogdom has anything quite like them, and for a while you guys were doing about 2 per week or at the very least one. I miss them.

Sincerely,
the Velociraptor

Well Mr Dinosaur, sir, we here at the Cerby (Cerby? how cute!) have been asking ourselves that very same question. And since this is the first time we've ever been written to by a member of an extinct species (or pathetic NBA team), behold! A single issue review! Fresh from the convoluted folds of LeftD's gray matter. Hope you enjoy it... er, Rapty.

X-men #200 (+ Endangered Species chapter 1)
Writer: Mike Carey
Artists: Chris Bachalo & Humberto Ramos
Ridiculously Awesome 4-part fold-out cover: David Finch

It's time for Mike Carey to put up or shut up. Dude's been waiting for this. Giving interviews for this. Building and preparing for this. And now the show is his. Endangered Species, a storyline that Carey is a chief architect of, launches its first chapter in the rear of X-men #200. A double-sized issue to begin with, there is a lot of room inside for all kinds of character depth and fireworks. Usually with Carey, the former is sacrificed on the napalm soaked altar of the latter. But I can't fault the guy for trying to fit too much into the space of single issue. Oh wait. Yes I can, and yes I have. Carey's pace on the X-men has been frenetic and disorienting. I've never really bought into his team, it never made sense to me. Why would these folks even hang out together, much less campaign as superheroes together? Carey has had much to say on this topic. The cliff notes reads that he wanted a stable core (Iceman, Rogue, and Cannonball) surrounded by an 'unstable' core (Mystique, Omega Sentinel, and Lady Mastermind). I think the first triforce works just fine, though I've never been the biggest Rogue fan. But the latter triumvirate... nope. I just don't see these guys as X-men.

Together, these two cores compose Carey's self-described 'strikeforce,' a group that has been through the wringer lately. Mowing down villains at a startling rate, with each batch of adversaries dispatched something 'important' has been added to Carey's master plot-line. Be it the recuperation of Sabretooth in the "Children of the Vault" storyline, the infection of Rogue with Strain-88 when the X-men faced Pandemic, or the destruction of Providence and the attack from Hecatomb in their most recent adventure, Carey's ducks are all lined up in a pretty little row. A row that is about to get a few hand grenades chucked at it.

It's no secret that this issue marks the return of both Gambit and the Marauders. But like BENDIS!' remarks on how the Skrulls may have already infiltrated the Marvel U so well that the "war may have already been lost," I am surprised how exposed and bewildered even the most veteran X-men are at this attack, largely from within. You'd think that what with being an endangered species and all you'd have a guy like Logan purposely watching certain former baddies turned goodies. You know he doesn't trust them anyways. And Wolverine, pugnacious or not, is right. Massive defections occur in this issue, and with them a high body count. The fate of two very beloved X-men is in doubt, but their 'deaths' are shadowed just enough to make one question whether or not there is anything to be worried about. These are the X-men after all, and while not Hawkeye or the Flash, these dudes have a way of surviving apparent deaths.

The plot shifts from New Orleans to Cable's ruinous island nation of Providence, to Westchester and back, but most of the action happens at the childhood home of Rogue. Struggling to secure a sense of self in a mind that has recently absorbed 8 billion alien intelligences, Rogue is going back to her roots in the hope of saving herself from the very real possibility of going insane. The X-men Old Guard of Whedon's team are called in to help (apparently this is before they sally forth to Breakworld), and arrive just in time for the shit to hit the fan. The latter portion of the issue features a scrum between an out-gunned X-tribe and a Marauders squad chock full of femme fatales.

Back in Providence, Cable fairs just as poorly. In a very slick, perhaps too slick, cinema style set-up, Cable squares off with Gambit. I've never fully understood the popularity of either of these two characters, specifically the "ragin' cajun", the X-men in particular, but the Marvel U as a whole already have plenty of misunderstood love to hate 'em badboys, to me Gambit just seems superfluous. But don't tell that to his mighty legion of fans. They will be pleased to find him fucking shit up on a grand scale.

A few words on the art-work. Both Ramos and Bachalo have an army of detractors. They claim the artwork is too aggressively unrealistic. Blocky and disproportionate. The only thing I have to say in the defense of "Ramachalo" is that most of these haters are forgetting one important thing. This is a comicbook. Not a Miyazaki anime film. I have a growing dislike of 'photo-realist' comic artists (Like Larocca, e.g.). I also favor artists who have their own style and don't ape other well known signatures. Oddly enough the only people Bachalo and Ramos' artwork resembles is each others, and pairing them up works better than most tag-teams. Having read through the issue three times now I find the transitions smooth, nearly indistinguishable. So what if Guthrie's biceps are larger than his head. So what if Mystique's face when viewed straight on and then in profile looks like two entirely different people. For the most part the penciling is original and bold. And it never lapses one frame from fully supporting the story.

This may sound odd but it's too bad the Endangered Species chapter is included here. X-men #200 is a solid issue on its own, but for many people the 'add-on' will trump most of what came before it in terms of shock value and genuine 'holy shit, i didn't just read that, did I?-ness." One thing is for certain, the Beast is for real. Like Carey himself, Beast is going all in. Whether or not the Beast of X-men lore would actually do something like this is an argument for another day. I aim to think that he merely has full confidence in his own team, and that in getting aid, from whatever horrible source that takes him up on his offer, he believes that in the end, when the inevitable melee occur, the good guys will come away with the 'W'. Plus, as my good friend and Cerberusian colleague cenTrale has recently said, "Plus, I think if needed [the Beast] can really throw down." In short, he's not afraid you or anyone, punk. But I sorta am. Jesus. What the Hell is he thinking! I mean seriously! That's like working with devil himself... that's... that's... oh well, that would be spoiling things now wouldn't it?

Rating: a hybrid composite. (Main story = a Gimli. Endangered Species = a Voltron) Over-all? a Snake-Eyes.

And just like X-men #200 has some great bonus material at the end, so does Sinister Monday #8. And by that I mean...

3...
sentence...
howls!

Daredevil #98
Writer: Brubaker, Artist: Lark
I wish I, too, could kick the door off a police car from the inside while wearing handcuffs and recovering from a savage beating from a drug-crazed sociopath. I also wish gravity effected every falling object the same and that no matter how quickly a man dives off the top of a building he won't catch up with something else that started falling a few seconds earlier. But maybe I'm just being picky... or maybe I just really wanted to see Stark and DD have a tete a tete--that so much to ask?
Rating: Lando

Fables #62
Writer: Willingham, Artists: Buckingham/Pepoy
The interior is solid, that's a given. What's also a given? A James Jean cover, but this one wins cover of the year, hands down; my eyes are bleeding from the goodness.
Rating: Snake-Eyes

Amazing Spider-Man #541
Writer: JMS, Artist: Garney
Just a few more issues until One More Day and then Amazing Spidey goes almost kinda sorta weekly. That is all well and good except this issue kinda sorta sucked balls. Melodramatic!!!!
Rating: Starscream

Captain America #27
Writer: Brubaker
Artist: Epting
Who does Tony Stark need fear the most? Not the Hulk, not Ultron, not the entire New Avengers Crew, Doom, or anyone else. The man better be prepared for the Winter Soldier.
Rating: Snake-Eyes (like most things in life, including that drink in your hand, this coulda used more Red Skull)

Sinister Monday #7

2007-06-25T13:49:00.000-07:00

Grabbed my handful o comics on Friday and have made it through most of them, but nothing held my attention more than the Endangered Species one-shot. I realize it is a background piece, but it is an a/effective one. The funeral neatly brings many disparate figures together, and since the Endangered Species storyline will be effecting several X-lines, its important to gather everyone up, as they have been all over the place of late. I'm still sort of hazy on how the whole continuity thing works. I understand Whedon's Astonishing story is sort of in its own nebulous time-plane, how else could Cyke and Emma be attending a funeral on Earth when they are Breakworlding it up with Colossus and Kitty, et al out in space.

Getting a variety of mutants perspective on their 'inescapable' fate is a good idea for more reasons than just a "round 'em up." The reader gets a glimpse at the impressive diversity of Xavier's clan (and some of its enemies, past and present). This begs the question, why are the mutants 'past the point' of saving as a species? I've never really understood how the whole mutant gene works. With so many completely diverse powers and abilities, how on earth could mutant 'a' be anything like mutant 'b'? And with 198 or whatever mutants left, why does that spell species doom? Beast and writer Mike Carey's argument says that once a species gene pool is reduced to a such a drastic percent, the 'inbreeding' that would result from said population attempting to restore itself would fail to re-establish the mutant species. My question is: why? I guess I just wished they had a better definition to work with. I understand that this scarcity thing is how it works in nature, but its much different when you have 198 white pygmy fresh water crocodiles all living in the same inlet in southern China, since all the animals are from the same gene pool and incestuous to begin with but why so with Marvel mutants? Is Rogue anything at like Iceman? Wouldn't the child Cyke and Emma produce be entirely different than his son (Cable) whose mother was the Goblin Queen?

Anyhow, I especially liked the variety of reactions. Multiple man's vignette was funny if not poignant. Wolverine's felt a bit forced and 'heavier' than it need be. The thought that sure, he will outlast every living mutant is horrifying, that panel of him, gray-haired, alone in a cemetery is chilling, but when he gets a chance to speak later at the end, his words are far less weighty. In fact they kinda fall flat.

I realize HulkSmashWar will probably have longer lasting effects on the Marvel U (or for that matter, BENDIS!' skrullsploitation) but I've always loved the X-fam. If the Beast does find away to fix things (and the jury is still out) I'll gladly volounteer. What, they're fictional? hm. well shit.

Sinister Monday #6

2007-06-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

The Skrulls are coming, the skrulls are coming! Momma, grab the wee ones and pack into the Subaru Outback, we're headin' for the hills! Unless of course the hills are also skrulls. Or skrills I suppose. And if you listen to that guy, what's his name, oh yeah it's BENDIS!, he would have us believe this Skrullsploitation has been underway for years and years. In one interview I actually found him hinting that some character might have been a Skrull for the past 30 years. I laughed out loud. Then I cried. Because nobody likes to retcon, and this plot... well, lets just say its a retcon waiting ot happen.

But in reality, who the hell knows. Could be great. Hell, it probably will be. BENDIS! has proven he's got what it takes, and he isn't stepping on too many toes. He said that Civil War and House of M are still valid and not Skrull driven. But he also hinted that while these things were happening the Skrulls took full advantage. Skrulls, skrulls, skrulls. Never thought one post could have so much wrinkly green chin thingies.

So who can you trust?

That's the new slogan, replacing "whose side are you on?" and "Back in black" for Marvel hype machine phrase of the year. I must admit, it is kinda fun wondering who is a skrull and who isn't. All arrows point to Clint Barton/Ronin but I think thats just too easy. Poor dude is going to find himself on the wrong end of an adamantium clawed fist and die. Again. And when Logan sees that Ole Clint was just a regular dude, albeit a dude that ROSE FROM THE FUCKING DEAD, well, maybe that will add one more empty beer bottle to the pile that night. But seriously.

Tony Stark also way too obvious. Ms Marvel is much more likely. Either Hank Pym or Reed Richards is a sure shot. One of those two neo-con douchebags has got to be a Skrull. My money is on Hank as F4 is a film franchise after all and you can't really mess with the fans that much. revenues and such.

Anyhow, thats about all the geeking out I have to say about New Avengers #31. As for HulkSmash, it was fine. Lots of things got exploded, Iron Man wore an even more ridiculously jacked up suit and still lost, and everything worked well for an opening chapter. I honestly will return for more because I can't quite figure out how this ends well. Its almost deus ex machina time. If Mean Green can take out Black Bolt (and just for the record may I add on that count 'yeah fucking right!' All the dude needed to do was sneeze and hulks atoms would be vaporized) then the sky is the limit and by the sky I mean the Sentry of course.

Looking back on the week that was, Fables kicked ridiculous ass (a big shocker, that) New X-men continues to impress, and where the hell is DC? Anyone heard from DC? Countdown? Hello? Step it up, fellas.

Looking ahead... Endangered Species. Me likey. Also, Cap and more. Should be pretty radical, dude.

Howl on,
D<-----

Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #52

2007-06-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

Writer: Tad Williams
Artist: Shawn McManus
Letters: Todd Klein
Colors: Dan Brown

(A note on the above before beginning: Any of those categories could have been replaced with "Who really gives a crap?" and would've worked just as well. Just saying that I wouldn't want to put my name on this product. Yeah, just a taste of things to come.)

RHD has been spending a bit of time near the Cleveland Hellmouth and has thus been a touch out of the loop. We know he'll be back better and drunker than ever soon enough but in the meantime I thought I'd return to the single issue review with one hell of a stinker. Read on if you dare or, and trust me this might not be such a bad idea, just trust me and don't read Aquaman for a while. At least until Tad Williams is gone...if he ever leaves...Gods of Olympus I hope he does.

I thought about interspersing this review with the occasional stylized sigh. Kind of the whole interjected aside. I'd sigh here, sigh there...hell, I'd sigh everywhere! Eventually, I realized that I'd be tempted to do this after just about every sentence. sigh As you can see, that would get really old, really fast. (Oh, and if you can't tell, I'm trying awful hard to avoid writing this review. It's been stewing long enough that, really, I should've had it done and behind me by now. And yet, here I am extending this parenthesis to the ends of your patience. sigh) The following will sound like a review of the arc as a whole and in many respects it is; thing is there's no real reason to get too terribly issue-specific considering that the problems discussed are pretty much across the board and consistent from issue to issue. Sometimes I hate this whole comic-reviewing-hellhound gig.

Anyways, that whole review thing, right? I think in my blog entries I've made my feelings pretty clear regarding Tad Williams' run on the title to date. Frankly, Williams isn't the worst writer in comics right now, but coming on the heels of Busiek his efforts haven't exactly passed muster. Truth is I wouldn't like this incarnation of the title regardless of who wrote it previously or the direction in which I felt it was heading (toward something truly epic). Now I have no idea what the hell is going on. Absolutely no consistency in tone or characterization is present, which, honestly, is just bad writing. Sure, a creative team gets to put their stamp on a character and different teams will have different perspectives on what makes a comic work, what makes the characters tick. That said, there should be at least a token effort to move from one version, one interpretation to the next. Hell, Busiek seemed to have pushed Arthur past the whole snarky-smart-ass-punk thing into a young hero learning what it takes. Now he's a wise-cracking (and the jokes pretty much suck) dick with absolutely no sense of what it means to be a man – let alone a hero – or what is at stake each time he gets involved in a conflict. I could pound on this some more, but what's the point? On to the next element of this comic travesty.

[As a quick aside, this has been by far the hardest review I've yet to write and I certainly would not have made it through without RHD. His constant yammering and drunken stupor provides the ideal sounding board just to get some of the lead out. That and he occasionally contributes the occasional pearl, like his reaction to my description of the comic as "horrible art and really, really uninteresting writing." His immediate response? "Hey! It's like a Ghostrider comic!!!" So even if I am taking his spot, know that the RHD spirit lives on (and the beer count was 4, not counting the two after work with LeftD).]

The art just pisses me off. I can say that it is consistent enough that, should I give it time, it might just grow on me. Of course lots of things can grow on you...like a fungus or cancer. Seriously though, this is an absolute nightmare of an artist-comic mismatch. The elongated jaws McManus seems hell-bent on giving every male character are something more than absurd; they're outright terrifying. Seriously, Aquaman looks like he has a perpetual double chin or at least the worst underbite in history. I keep waiting for him to unlock and distend his jaw for the sole purpose of biting someone's head off whole. I think I can see where this art would work in a different setting, but not here and certainly not after Guice's work and even that of Villagran. Anyways, point is that before the art had an epic feel that evoked major events with an incredible gravitas as well as a unique and gorgeous view of life on the sea floor. Now, cartoonish art with over-developed mandibles. (This is where one of those sighs would have come in handy.)

Continuing with the art, the covers aren't too terribly bad. Kinda boring, but still, what can you do. Oh, I know...how about make sure the cover has SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE INTERIOR STORY!!! I'm not asking too much, right? It's like I'm taking crazy pills or something. I mean, the issue before showed Aquaman in a mine field and there were no mines present in that issue. OK, cool, whatever. This issue shows him looking down at an underwater city that is certainly not Sub Diego – don't even try and convince me otherwise – yet, he finds himself in a MINEFIELD this time around!!! I shit you not. This is the kind of thing that drives a hellhound head to drink...unless you're RHD...or LeftD on a warm day...and so on. Anyways, it hurts when the best thing about a comic is the cover and that isn't even close to being as good as the worst element of the book in its previous incarnation.

Yeah, I know this wasn't too terribly specific but give me a break: I had to read the damn thing. What's sadder is I'll keep with it, hoping against hope that Busiek comes back and saves up from this undersea plunderer known as Tad Williams. Given that I never planned on reading one of his novels, you'd have to pay me a handsome sum to even consider doing so now. Or told me Busiek would make an appearance...where he kills Tad Williams. sigh Again, apologies for not making this too terribly issue-specific, but have a heart.

Ranking: Starscream as only a die-hard...you know what? Screw it; not even a die-hard should love this atrocity. Real ranking: Joe Camel 'cause if this Aquaman asked for help from his scaled friends it'd go something like, "Hey, help me out!" with the fish responding, "Fuck you bitch! Do it yourself you talking to fish motherfucker!!!"

sinister monday #5

2007-06-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

Y'all can put down your noisemakers and stop lighting off fireworks. Please, the return of sinister monday is good thing, but not a national holiday. Really, you guys love me that much? *blushes* Aw, that's sweet. Just for those (imagined) compliments I'll give you a bunch of old fashioned reviews. Not quite 3-sentence howls, not quite feature length. Think of them as a happy mediums. There now, everyone's happy. In the order that i read them...

The New Warriors #1
Writer: Kevin Grevioux
Artist: Paco Medina

I wanted to begin this week's reading with a bang, but also something new. My buy pile was chock full of safe ones, as you will see below, and I thought the reboot of the New Warriors was just the thing to start off on the right foot. I wasn't wrong with this guess. Grevioux's got a good handle on the post civil war world, and thats both a blessing and a curse. Because this series is (for the time being) necessarily going to play second fiddle to some of the other titles in Marvel's bullpen, it is the documentation of the reaction to Iron Man's brave new world. So it can only be as good as the titles it is responding to... for now. In the end I think this series will flourish, especially once it shrugs off its contraints. There are certainly plenty of Marvel titles exploring young rebels and recruits growing up in an era of registration (the Loners, the Initiative, and Runaways to a certain extent) so in order to succeed we need to see something the other series aren't showing.

For the most part Grevioux is successful in this endeavor. Issue #1 follows a day in the life of a former mutant Wind Dancer who lost her powers on M-day. This hasn't stopped her from superheroing, merely it has changed her approach. Now she's caught the eye of a band of vigilantes who more than any other group have been forced underground. In this world you can't say 'New Warrior' without a national backlash. So they have that going against them. Like Spidey, everyone is out to get them, nowhere is safe, blah blah blah. Yet when all of these underground forces keep picking away at the establishment, something is bound to happen, right? And I'm not just thinking of Tony's inevitable spill from the wagon. (on a side note that image just made me picture what Stark would drink and I immediately thought of the 'Desmond' episode of Lost early in this past season. I could totally see Stark drinking scotch that is worth more than an entire person's life. If he ever had a daughter and some ne'er-do-well attempts to marry her, all I'm saying is get ready to see that scene redone Marvel style).

Medina's art reminds me of Runaways. Perhaps a little more cartoonish, but certainly as young and fresh as Alphona. The attention to details is great, specifically the 'background' stuff. Posters advertising toy lines for the Thunderbolts, Penance hawking cheeseburgers in his scary masochist spiky garb, Stark's face on every tv screen, it helps to set the tone, or rather to keep the tone omnipresent, as if every panel has a pair of eyes watching our rebels and taunting them. I see good things in the near future...

Rating: Snake-eyes

Avengers: the Initiative #3
Writer: Dan Slott
Artist: Stephano Caselli

And now for the opposite side of the same coin. For those who believe in the Tin Man and his 50 states initiative. So far this series has been a blast. If nothing else it reinforces the point that there are 'good guys' on board Tony's Establishment. Yeah, and there are bad guys too, Pym is constantly coming off as Stark's Beezlebub, and the kids in boot camp are more confused than morally sound, but the deep supporting cast is full of people you can really get behind. I think this is the single most important thing that Slott must maintain. The initiative will remain interesting just so long as it appears somewhat just, and the kids remain up in the air in terms of just what is going to happen to them. There a plenty of future supervillians in this lot if pushed to hard. But there is also a truckload of potential stars.

Issue #3 seems too full of guest spots. Beast, Thing, Dr Connors (the non reptile version of the Lizard), Spider-man, War Machine, and the 'lame half of the sinister syndicate' as Spidey calls it. And yet everyone has just the right amount of face time. Spidey steals the show whenever he's around, you can really tell he must be a blast to write for, who else can you make a constant jester and a complete bad-ass? And if you say Deadpool I will sock you in the nose. The most shining example of Spidey's wit and kickass-itude lay in the following repartee with the new Inititative recruit Komodo.

Komodo: Always with the jokes, huh?
Spidey: Fine. You want me to be serious? I can do serious.... you've already lost.
Komodo: No way. I've only got to prick you once, and--
Spidey: Not gonna happen. Know why? Because I'm Spider-Man. And you are a dollar-store version of the Lizard. See, I beat down guys like Doc Ock, Sandman, and Venom all the time. And you're just not in their league. Oh, I'm going to win.

Spidey then goes on to discuss exactly what happens after he wins, but for spoilers sake let's move on. There are some deeply disturbing happenings by issue's end. Like Stark's new manner of dealing with heros who won't comply, vaguely illustrated in the dialogue above. Also his contingency plan for Spidey not joining which something decidedly different. Definitely a 'oh--oh, that's some fucking creepy shit' moment. Stuff that can make a hero, no matter how machiavellian, into a villain.

Rating: Sanke-eyes

Stephen King's The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born #5

Let's get right to the point, shall we? Jae Lee's art is the stuff of legend. It really is. We're talking immediate acceptance into the comic art canon, if said institution exists. Much has been said about his work on this series already, but the well runs deep, there are more adjectives to throw in, more modifiers to append. Lee's use of shadow is particularly wonderful, it's like what you wanted Hell Boy to look like but just wasn't quite there (I can't believe I just wrote that but there it is). There is a painting quality to the rest, it reminds me of the last third of Spirited Away, the part where the train glides over the flooded countryside and the sun sets and everything is all turqouise and pink and burning.

The story is what it is. Years ago I read the Wizard and Glass, the King novel which this comic series draws from, and thus I'm never surprised at what happens. It was well written then, King is never as bad as his detractors will tell you, and its well written now. Sometimes the made up words and dialogue can get a bit silly, but at least its consistent. Like some post-apocalyptic western tale of king arthur, with thees and thous and ka and ka-tets.

To be honest I both fear and look forward to what comes next after this series. Its making a ton of money, and Marvel will be all over a follow-up. In the interview that ends this issue King hints at doing 'the Stand,' which is my own personal favorite of his, but seriously? you could do issues of that for decades and not get through half of it. Other options thrown out there were the Talisman which King co-wrote with Peter Straub, another of my favorite sophomore in high-school reads. Either route wouldn't be bad, I just don't know if other readers would have the patience for such long stories. I certainly wouldn't want them to cut corners and abbreviate anything. If King will be praised for anything by future critics (and I think he will, take that Harold Bloom!) it will be for his relentless attention to detail, his fine character craftsmanship and his plain 'I'm having so much fun designing these worlds' style.

Rating: Voltron

more to come...

the lack of anything sinister

2007-06-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

loyal reader(s),

I'm sorry to disappoint you this week. I let you down. I let the rest of the Cerberus down. But mostly, I let myself down. No new issues were purchased this week, my saturday-ish trek to the LCS was postponed due to a celebration. The anniversary of my birth no less. The Siren took me outta the state, one hell of a roadie, and we came back late last night.

Have been enjoying 52...
reading it via the freshly minted trade...
who knew secondary (tertiary?) characters could be so much fun?

Promise to get back in the swing of things next week. Will be visiting the store on thursday-ish, picking up this week and last weeks pulls. Lots of avengers, and countdowns aplenty. until then.

left D

Hellboy: Darkness Calls

2007-05-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

Story: Mike Mignola
Art: Duncan Fegredo

Yeah that’s right, Mike Mignola only wrote the story this time, no ink work for the big man this time around. That’s okay, though, as Duncan Fergedo does such a good job imitating Mignola’s style that you aren’t scared off by the difference. The scenes are still dark and brooding, characters still evil, artistic and beautiful. The art is just beautiful to look at, which is one of the reasons I love reading Hellboy comics. Now if only they wouldn’t wait so damned long between issues.

It’s been about two years since Hellboy was a monthly occurrence, two long, long, lonely years. The last series, The Island, showed an ex-B.P.R.D. Hellboy wandering the world looking for himself… or something like that. I have a hard time remembering; I think I drank that part of my brain away… That or I’ve slept since then… one of those two. Anyway, this first issue in Mignola’s six-part arc, which I wish was part of a longer run but probably won’t be, is solid. The frog-faced and, according to the ending of the last Hellboy series, frog-bodied bad guy is back from his appearance in The Island but only half frog this time, trying to, once again, kill our hero, or use him, the plan isn’t clear just yet. It’s the standard plot with Hellboy but I’m ok with that because the writing is always interesting and the characters so intricate that this old standby works every time.

If I had any problems with this current incarnation of Hellboy I guess it would be that he is so very emo. I expect him to put on an Evanescence album, paint his nails black, and mourn the death of the modern soul or some bullshit like that. I know the point is that he is lost now that Professor Bruttenholm is dead and the B.P.R.D. seems to be working hard at not caring how they treat their non-human employees, but does he have to be so god damned apathetic about it? But I digress; I like the comic in spite of emo Hellboy, maybe even because of him, because, as we all know, I’m not happy unless I have something to bitch about.

It’s better than being a castrated pirate. Much better. In fact I think you could say it’s the exact opposite of being a castrated pirate. It’s a rock solid first issue but I can’t figure out what else there is to say about such a solid start. The set up for the arc is concrete and keeps me intrigued enough that I’ll definitely pick up the next two issues at least, unless something catastrophic happens like Hellboy becoming a cross dressing street walker in Rome. Well, OK I might still read an issue like that because it would be so random. The art is similar enough to the original that I’m not put off by the new artist but different enough to be intriguing to see what Fegredo does. So far all the only difference I can see is that he draws cats a little less angular and a bit more realistic, maybe that will carry over to the rest of the comic.

Overall I have to give this issue a Voltron. This issue has done everything right. At this point the arc looks promising.

Drinks drunk during the writing of this review: Gin and Tonic, three fingers of Whiskey, and one stout.

Sinister Monday #5

2007-05-27T10:20:00.001-07:00

"Now with 100% more titular ramifications!"
(and by that I mean today I have something very Sinister indeed to talk about. But on to him, er I mean that later...)

Howling Fiends,
Welcome. On this pentacular edition of Sinister Monday I'd like to discuss the Marvel U as a whole and where it is heading. Having relatively recently returned to comic-dom, I have Civil War to thank for anchoring me firmly in the Marvel side of the comicbook Majors. Sure, I still read my JLA/JSA/Batman books, and i peruse an indie now and again (*cough* City of Others *cough cough*) but for the most part I'm a Marvel hellhound. Much of this has to do with my re-entrance into comics coming during a Marvel epic crossover. Maybe if I'd got my collective comic shit together a year earlier it would have been Infinite Crisis that would have captured my soul and instead I'd be living in the DC. Such as it is I'm just happy to be back at all. And the point is (and yes, I'm getting to one, dammit) that huge epic crossover events have a tremendous influence on comics these days. They are able to draw new readers in, expose readers of middling experience to titles they were ignorant of or were avoiding for the wrong reasons, and in most cases up the ante on 'stakes' and quality.

Now what I mean by 'stakes' is that crossovers live and die by the success (or failure) of a Big Change. Civil War readers were livid after the 7 part series ended with very little (immediately apparent) Big Change. Of course the people that thought very little had changed were idiots, and besides, the death they were looking to stamp the Big Change happened anyways, just a few months later in the pages of a different series. Point is, crossovers have tremendous power to change, Exhibit A: The House of M. If one was to chart the current line of Marvel stories (and I will shortly), House of M has to be one of the most important fathers (or mothers seeing as M-day is mostly Wanda's fault). BENDIS!' story radically changed Marvel's mutant population and its effects are still being played out (and will continue to be, etc). Thus the second most important factor of an epic crossover is the germination of new stories. House of M bore much fruit. mmmm... I could sure go for a nice depowered Magnetorange right about now.

Readers are just beginning to see the 'germination' ability of an epic crossover following Millar's opus. Marvel wasn't exactly coy when it said Civil War's main role would be a supporting one. The Superhuman Registration Act does change things significantly (any doubters just focus your eyes on Spidey) but it is the fall out of the war that has really begun to take the Marvel U in wonderfully interesting directions. And now for the first part of a (somewhat half-assed) chart.

Okay so I already know that for all intents and purposes this chart can be begun further back than where I am starting. After all this is comicbooks and everything's got continuity, right? But for our purposes House of M is the Grand Pere. HoM leads to Decimation. Now the mutants being all fucked over leaves them a non-factor when Civil War crops up. yet there non-participation makes HoM important to Civil War in a negative sense. How would that war have gone if (and thats a big if seeing as Xavier's students probably wouldn't have participated anyways, seeing as they were not exactly beloved by humanity before HoM) say Wolverine or perhaps a depowered but always wonderful field martial Cyclops played a part? At any rate these first few chart connections illustrate a third major component of a crossover. They are important merely for their own bigness of scope. There are few characters who remain uneffected (hell you'd need to be in deep space... I'm talking to you Banner/Rider). This may spell continuity hell for some writers, and others may just ignore what is going on (hello Brubaker's DD), but there is real power if numbers here.

'Bigness' also allows minor characters a chance to become something more. Thus the Avengers: Initiative series growing from the Civil War ashes. Yet what 'Bigness' does more than anything else is turn up the spotlight even higher on the big'uns. Want proof? Look no further than World War Hulk. Big Green is about to fuck shit up and by that I mean hulksmashhulksmash. Now HoM and Civil War are no true parents of WWH, but the devastated hero-scape they've left is one primed for hulkstruction. In other words no HoM no CW and as one prominent Marvel writer has already acknowledged, no dead Cap, and WWH would be shorter, less devastating or haulted altogether. This sets up my fourth point. Epic crossovers lend themselves to being followed by, you guessed it, epic crossovers. How does one re-capture reader attention after a civil war slap-fight? How about a world war? How does one up the ante on a mutant population suddenly reduced to 198 card carrying members? How about X-men: Endangered Species?

Thus it is that story-line which is the 'true' heir of HoM and Decimation. Ive recently read an excellent interview of one of the chief architects of this upcoming saga, Mike Carey. His words are much more thought provoking than any 'view-cap I might write here. And I've gleaned elsewhere that the future, i.e. beyond CW and WWH is a time for villains. Thus Endangered Species, the Initiative, and a major (if not THE major) nebulous, currently un-named epic corssover of 2008 will all feature big baddies. Sinister and the marauders return in Endangered, Eddie Brock's name is popping up everywhere, Red Skull is coming to the fore in Cap, and there is much Doom-mongering all over the place from F4 to the near future of the Mighty Avengers, a team already battling Frank Cho's Orgasmotron, I mean Ultron. And yet all this means is that Big heroes will return to fight the Big Baddies, bring on Thor, Namor and a ridiculously powerful Nova to name a few.

The future is going to get much clearer very soon. Next months' New Avengers #31 promises 'the single most important final page of any single issue Marvel publishes this year,' but will probably make things cloudier rather than clearer. June also marks the kick-off of Endangered in X-men #200 where (headline which has become obligatory to Epic Crossovers) "Somebody Dies!" And there is the goings-on in space (i.e. Annhiliation) which for the most part I remain entirely ignorant of (that might change soon). For my part I am going to avoid WWH (but will keep tabs on it somehow, RHD or wikipedia perhaps?) but I'm all in for Endangered. I already subscribe to X-men and New X-men. Grabbing a few copies of Uncanny and X-factor won't put my budget that far in the red. I still think BENDIS! and holds the reigns to the future Marvel U in his various Avengers lines, but Carey might be contributing more and more down the road. And Brubaker remains the true story-teller, somehow playing inside and outside the rules of epic crossovers at the same time. Now that's a real mark of greatness.

Here's to the future, Hellions.

Left D.

Zombie isn't just a drink anymore

2007-05-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

“They're coming to get you Barbara. They're coming to get you.”

Since then its all been downhill basically. Don't get me wrong, I love zombie films, from Day of the Dead to Zombi I love every shambling example from sharks vs. zombie to eye gouging gone really slow. What I'm talking about is the absolute overabundance of crappy, quickly pumped out zombie comic books. The independent publishers seem to love this genre since all you have to do to write one is take a group of people, stick them in some semi-isolated place and then just let the zombies roll over the dumbasses. Few people create these half rotting reads correctly and copious groups just cash in on the craptacular. Typically, anything with “Revenge” or “Attack of” at the beginning of the title with a fully dead, half undressed, lumbering necrophilia pin up girl on the cover should be avoided at all costs. Hell, I'll even go so far as endorsing the mass burning of these dead rags, but for the love of god, please don't pay for them.

That’s not to say that all zombie comics are horrible wastes of time like those discussed above were they human should be drug out into the street and shot for being so damned offensive to all 5 senses. Zombie comics can be and are some of the best and most entertaining items to be found at your local crack house/comic book store. The Walking Dead is one of the most critically acclaimed comics being published today and it’s an indie. Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness is all good campy fun with the previous incarnation of Marvel Zombies being great and Army of Darkness a quick, fun read. I have nothing bad to say about any of these comic adaptations. If all zombie comics were this good I could easily drop a C-note at the comic shop and be ok with it each and every month. Sadly this isn’t the case.

Settling for mediocre artwork and recycled plots, most comic publishers are just seeing how many issues they can move to the unsuspecting fan boy who can’t help himself (not herself: lets not kid ourselves dear reader). It’s with this in mind that I can only predict the eventual fall of zombies in comics. At some point the zombie comic sub-community will crash under the sheer shitty weight of these 30 page, horribly written, though sometimes, I’ll admit, expertly drawn (Avatar’s Escape of the Living Dead, IDW’s Zombies!), undead rags. That collapse could kill certain comics like the aforementioned Walking Dead. I can’t with good conscience let that happen without saying something… or drinking… or taking a bribe to shut the fuck up. I’m talking to you Marvel and D.C..

Boycott these comics. They hold nothing for you, only hart break, sorrow, and the occasional naked boob. Ok so they hold something for you but not much. What I’m trying to advocate here is that everyone should stop buying shitty zombie comics to send a message to the publishers; we want good zombie comics, not this ichor scrapped from a reanimated corpse that is then slapped on paper and sold to us. Now remember, only you can prevent shitty zombie comics, reader, only you.

TGIC #4

2007-05-26T13:17:00.000-07:00

So...two review, right? Um, that clearly didn't happen...and you'd think I would've learned not to make promises by now. Well, it certainly won't happen again. Promise. Such is the way of things... Anyways, add on to the whole review debacle this late post and we've had quite the banner week for ol' cenTrale.

Speaking of Banners, word has it that the whole World War Hulk (and it must be italicized, emboldened, and in a larger font as befits a series that will witness an ungodsly quantity of “Hulk Smash!!!” On a related note, on your next visit to the Underworld do bear in mind that you should never give RHD any whiskey after midnight: he starts to think he is el Green Skinned not-so-friendly-giant and steps on things smaller than he is...like LeftD's first generation harpsiPod. You might notice that this rule bears a striking resemblance to those stated in Gremlins...let's just say someone didn't take as deep a swig from Lethe as they were supposed to and we've never seen a single Zeusdamn royalty from it. Oh, crap, this was a paranthetical thought wasn't it. Um...claptu berata nicto!!!) extravaganza hits sometime soon. Can't honestly say how I feel about this other than a certain sense of well-being that this “major” event doesn't take over the lives of every other comic. Marvel seems to have developed a sense of restraint that, if nothing else, doesn't screw with storylines and creative teams too terribly much. Now if only they could tame that exploitive, buy-every-comic-that-came-out-this- month-if-you-want-any-sense-of-what-the-hell-is-going-on drive. Probably a pipe dream to even pretend that that could happen.

Still, though, I can't get too worked up over World War Hulk if only because I have no idea what the Hulk's deal is these days. Near as I can tell, he never reverts back to Banner, something which I would guess could only weaken the character. Then again who am I to judge? I only eat the souls of the damned, not judge the relative virtues and vices of the Hulk in his rainbow skin-toned incarnations. Honestly, he does deserve a little justice on the various members of the Illuminati, even if they only end up in body casts, not down our way like he so clearly wants. Marvel is about as likely to do lasting damage to any of these guys as they were going to leave el Hulko on an alien planet and out of the mix.

Bringing the Hulk back and all the property damage his presence entails does put the Marvel editors to an interesting test. In the wake of Civil War an emphasis was definitely placed on the role and impact of the empowered individual in the world. The splash pages detailing the damage wrought by the heroes' battle in NYC made this clear. How, then, will the Hulk leveling, say, Iowa, be dealt with? For that matter, how will they handle the aftereffects of Hottie-Ultron and her...its...whatever's assault on the world's weather systems? The odd panel here or there of recovery efforts led by whomever could easily cover this, but I almost suspect that by the comic equivalent of the next day everything will look fine with all the damage undone. Normally I wouldn't care, but Marvel brought this on themselves by launching the Civil War in the first place. They've kinda set a standard for real world effects that they must adhere to unless they want to lose all credibility.

Similarly, I wonder (brought on by LeftD's musings) at the various timescales at work in this newly ordered Marvel. Generally speaking the X-Men run on a different schedule insofar as what happened when in relation to everyone else (like the Fantastic Four), but the net has been drawn in tighter and if Marvel wants to use Wolverine in a number of books, I wouldn't mind the occasional explanation as to when he avenges and when he eXes. I don't expect it will ever be the case that such due diligence will be the standard, but, hey, a hellhound has to have something to complain about, right?

In saying that, though, I think it's important to remember that one of the strengths of the comic genre is the levels of inconsistency. If every book is great – perfect art, iconic and important tales the norm, and a persistently tightly woven universe – I think we'd all get bored pretty fast. Plus, fanboys would lose all contact with other human beings as there'd be nothing left to say, nothing left to dissect; Poseidon knows we can't let that happen...they might start breeding otherwise. In all seriousness, the fact that there are certain “great” writers and certain “bad” writers (who still, somehow, get work?!) means that a weak story arc can be followed by a strong one, a strong one viewed for its importance by comparison to the weak. Being serialized, comics can always come back next month and absolutely blow you away, kick your ass from here to Atlantis (our version of Timbuktu). What other genre gets that second, third, fourth chance? Try writing a novel, failing, and getting that second chance from readers. Not bloody likely, eh? So while I criticize, I'm not suggesting a movement toward perfection. For starters, perfection is kinda in the eye of the hellish beholder and secondly, any art that achieves perfection, an apex of sorts, is a pretty dull one and soon to be dead. So, again, I criticize as a way of giving praise to the noteworthy and damning the execrable...and to hear my own voice (but you already knew that).

Next week, some other random thoughts and maybe a review. Who knows? I sure don't. Until then, I remain your filth-ridden and nausea-inducing-breathed voice of middle-dogged reason,

cenTrale

sinister monday #4

2007-05-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

No stranger to fires (infernal or otherwise) this hound-dog's ears are still ringing with the dulcet jingling and jangling of last evening's arcade fire concerto at the chicago theater. Because chicago is surprisingly a short trip away from the nearest hellmouth (I'm talking to you, Gary, Indiana) and because I'm no one dimensional beast. I like my music (and my sports) as well as my funny-pages. But that's neither here nor there. You've dropped by because you like comics. I say bully for you. So enough about power chords and pop flies. On with the show.

Yesterday i paid a rather belated visit to the LCS. Belated because I usually drop in on thursday or friday but i suppose it wasn't all that late when you consider how often RHD and El CenTrale get their collective ass in gear. When i got there I found quite a stack waiting for me, with DC leading the way. Some JLA, some Countdown, some Fables and a Bat. Marvel's Mighty Avengers and Image's Madman's Atomic Comics! (their exclamation, not mine) rounded out the haul. Because of the aforementioned concert I've only managed to read the Batman. But oh what goodness remains:

a) JLA: smack dab in the Lightning Saga. joy. So what if this is the lesser of the two teams participating (take that, Clark, Bruce, and whateverthefuck Wonder Woman's real name is).

b) Mighty Avengers. I'll admit. I'm only in this for the T & A. Why else buy anything Cho does? You mean to say there is a story going on? But look over there at Lady Ultron all sexy and lethal (as every good woman should be). if only those convenient puffs of mist or fog that float about her unmentionable parts would just evaporate already.

c) Fables. Its fucking Fables.

and so forth.

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random insertion:
I've been re-watching the ole Buffy the Vampire Slayer series via the godsend that is netflix. I remember the first season (it came out when I was a senior in highschool) but everything thereafter i picked up in a scattered, incomplete way. For instance right now me and the Siren are toward the end of Season 2 and I'm bewildered by how much depth there was that i never had a clue of. Going to college was fun and all, but dammit all those books (and in my case, slide-rules) got in the way of my shows. Soon after i began matriculating i lost track of all of my favorites, the Simpsons, Buffy, and on and on. Now I'm catching up.

The Siren wasn't so slip-shod. She's also younger than me, and watced at least the first 2 seasons before hitting the U. So when time came for Angel to (spoiler alert? is this really a spoiler at this point?) go bad, she was already pouting. That event marks the beginning of the end for her Buffy trist, even though the show went on for years and years and got emmys and critical acclaim and feminist dissertations and things. And don't get her started about the whole Willow is a lesbian thing. Wait, what? Willow is a lesbian!? *sigh* Anyhow, I only bring all this up because I hear the new Buffy Season 8 comic series is fab. Won't find me reading it until I finish season 7 tho. And that might take years. okay, you got me, months. Alright, i get it. you know I have no life. I'll finish it next week.
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So back to the pretty pictures. I'm about at wit's end regarding Grant Morrison's Batman. I just don't like it. I loved Morrison's Invisibles (or the first 3 trade collections anyways) and I'm told I would like We3. I'm also told that his X-men run was mediocre. maybe the dude just needs his own characters to play with, or lesser known characters that the big 2 won't care that he fucks around with, like Animal Man. I am just not sold on Morrison's ability to 'play within the rules' which is an absolute neccessity when it comes to major icons of the super-hero variety. Morrison is just too pig-headed, too 'chaos magician-y', in short, too Grant Morrison. Now Batman #665 wasn't bad, but it just seems uninspired, like we're treading water or something. How about getting a newer(ish) writer for the Bat? Somebody with low expectations, who can make a name for themselves? Instead of giving it to a guy with a huge name who can only acheive a passing grade if not a solid D because his star is already so bright (it hurts my eyes, just supernova yourself, already).

look, I'm not asking DC to just hand the damn title off all willy-nilly (ha!) to the next rube with a Batman story. But c'mon man, we deserve better.

See y'all next week for a shit-ton of three-sentence howls and maybe a full length review. We'll see what El CenTrale does. 'Cause anything he can do i can do halfway.

Ciao!
LeftD

TGIC #3

2007-05-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

Well, after probably more than a month away, RHD and I made a successful return to Ye Olde Local Comic Shoppe. Zeus, I missed it so. As one might expect, though, the hurt was put on my bank account in a major way; kinda gives a bit of perspective on just how much I’m dropping on a regular basis. Also, a number of my collections are now incomplete, which, I shan’t lie, is rather irritating. It’ll probably take me the next month or so to catch up, but such is the way of things when one shirks responsibilities as thoroughly and willy-nilly as I have (and I dare LeftD to use “willy-nilly” in a post in a more natural or appropriate manner; gauntlet = down). The plus side to all of this? Next week, you’ll be getting at least two actual reviews of the lengthy and verbose variety. I know you’re pissing your pants in excitement…or RHD just looked over your way with that hungry leer in his eyes.
____________
So…Spider-Man 3. I suppose I should at least briefly touch on that monstrosity.

Let me begin by apologizing for my pre-mature versification. I swear to Ares that hasn’t happened since that one time in college with the Midgard serpent. Plus, the little ditty was the sum total of my creative energy allotment for the month and I blew it on that. Still, I was impressed I could work “mien” in there…and you should be, too.

As for the movie itself, I’m not sure how much I can add. My brother heads have done an excellent job of picking it apart like the rib cages of the damned, while the members of the media with their heads screwed on straight have similarly vivisected this poor excuse for a movie to the extent that we’re all pretty numb to the sight of that particular open viscera. Nonetheless, here are a few disjointed and generally unedited thoughts on that waste of a Skittle-eating experience:

1). So you’re saying Peter/Spidey didn’t change at all? It’s been bashed into our skulls that this is a trilogy and, obviously, this movie completes the movement. The problem is, it seems like there’s been no real movement over time other than backwards. At the end of the second film, Peter reaches a certain comfort point within the context of his life as both Parker and Spider-Man. I’ll grant you that Mary Jane’s expression at the end of that film did set-up what was to come this time around, but Peter’s attitude and actions in this entry are, to say the least, mind-boggling. Suddenly everything is so great that he can’t possibly see how unhappy Mary Jane is? He wouldn’t explain to her what happened with Norman Osborn, if only so she understood the tensions with Harry? It’s as though after everything they’ve been through he can’t tell her anything about his life except how tough it can be to be Spider-Man and how he totally understands what she’s going through. Here I thought he’s the smartest guy in his class.

B). We were provided with absolutely no context as to why the Black Suit felt so good. Nothing was done to explain that he might be stronger with it other than an ability to hit Sandman harder. The spider-sense never came into play at any earlier point, so the whole idea that he can’t sense Venom coming doesn’t factor in at all. Plus, this whole “sound hurts it” approach, while accurate to the comics, is undermined by a similarly poor exposition. Yeah, he bangs into a bell and the resulting gong causes the suit to freak out and lose control. Got that. Yet what about the aforementioned fight with Sandman in the subway? Lots of noise there, in fact noise crossing a number of frequencies and wavelengths, yet no suit freak out? I’ll grant you that it could be that the low frequencies or heavy bass is the problematic range of sound (good thing Mary Jane didn’t become a singer-waitress at a rave or drum-and-bass club), but, again, the audience is never given any kind of explanation that satisfies a suspension of disbelief. That whole end fight just seemed like a quick wrap to a half-assed story.

III). I’m’a end with this one or I might never stop: Why have Sandman in the film at all? Don’t get me wrong, I rather enjoyed the performance and the effects were nifty, but if he only got about ten lines total and is largely missing for the majority of the film, what was the point? The same could be said of Venom, but the Eddie Brock storyline actually mattered a bit more, or, at least, was a good deal more visible. In films past, some sort of emotional unveiling always kicked in at the end, something of a fitting explication of the thread running throughout the film. And in previous films it did not seem at all forced. At all. Here, we get beat over the head with guilt and blah blah blah. Honestly, stop. When you can’t convey the major emotion of a film without a lot of man-crying, hand-wringing and I-forgive-you-which-means-I-forgive-myself, start over. Seriously, salt the earth and start over a bit further down the river. You know, further away from This Really Sucksville. A more friendly reading of the film would suggest a maturation process taking place throughout the series (thus suggesting that only now is Peter Spider-MAN), yet such a reading would be inappropriate and actually do violence to what was on-screen (not that violence is not uncalled for).

To sum up, when faced with a fall from the Brooklyn Bridge, I’m not thinking of you Pete, not you. Maybe Lefty, probably not Righty.
____________
A final thought or two and I should be done (and getting back to work).

I recently got into X-Factor and must say I’m the better hellhound for it. Here is a series that juggles the story arc and single issue format incredibly well, delivering great comic writing and moving the series forward without causing harm to, you know, the main characters and what they have become/are established as. (You here that Williams?! Yeah, you TAD: STOP FUCKING UP!!!!!) Further, this is a series that is actually dealing with the fallout from M-Day within the larger context of the Marvel Universe without going into space or turning in uneven issues. Eventually, X-Factor will be one of those titles that gets involved with every other title in that wholesome, let’s-push-the-story-forward kind of way, rather than the slutty, this-is-key-to-the-whole-next-year-but-not way that seems to be so popular in the wake of a major event. Anyways, read it and I assure you good times will be had by all.

Also, Immortal Iron Fist and The Spirit will be the last items I read from my weekly stack from now on. Why? ‘Cause they give me hope that this medium can consistently turn out fantastic material for wildly different reasons. Upon finishing Iron Fist, I simply exhale and go, “Wow, that was great.” (Great = damn cool here.) After finishing a The Spirit, I let my head roll back (can’t really go to either side or one of the carrion-eaters hanging out there will take this as an invitation to talk to me; we have very specific ground rules on when that can happen and after The Spirit is not one of those times) and say, “Wow, that was great.” (Great = one of the consistently best things I’ve ever read.) This is true of a number of series (DMZ and Fables come to mind off the top of my head), but I just thought I’d give these two a couple well-deserved bark-outs.
___________
And with that, I’m spent. I hope we all had a good time reading this. I certainly enjoyed the quite time it entailed (a little Decemberists and Arcade Fire in the background, no co-workers and no shoulder-inhabiting heads whining in my ears). Next week will be HUGE, so check in regularly. Oh, and Lefty? Don’t ever try and take my prop (i.e., long-winded and verbose) again or so help me, that iPod gets fed to RHD. Just remember that you both continue to reside on either side of me only by my sufferance and that alone. Snootch.

Until next time faithful readers, I remain death-breathedly yours,

cenTrale

Blood Nation the whole 4 part series

2007-05-17T12:16:00.001-07:00

All people responsible for this crime against comics are having their names withheld because I just don’t care enough to mention them here.

If you read my last post about this series you’ll remember that I didn’t have any problem with the story and had a huge problem with the artwork, or at least what they were calling artwork at the time. Well I’ve now read all four parts… That’s about all I really want to say but I’m gonna take one for the team and write a full review for this steaming pile, only because I don’t want anyone wasting their money on it, sigh.

The story is where I think I’ll start my deconstruction of excrement. I still maintain that the first part was OK. The story was interesting, the characters were a little one-dimensional but that can be overlooked since most of the story was just trying to lay as much history as it possibly could before the second issue started up. The second issue is reasonably OK. Most of the time is spent showing a new group of soldiers coming together under the main characters unique command, no real story is forwarded that much, save for an interesting scene of vampire chimps. Third issue in I began to think someone decided that they were in a hurry to get as much story as possible done. It didn’t occur to anyone that plot holes and a convoluted story might damage any chance at a solid issue. The fourth issue comes and more of the third issue is introduced. The ending makes no sense and leaves off with a cliffhanger that no one cares to see continue, especially considering I stopped caring halfway into the third issue. The real crime here is that a solid four part arc could have been made but I get the feeling the writer was pissed that he only had 4 issues. Maybe with 6 or 10 he would have produced a comic that didn’t give me indigestion.

I wish that were the worst part of the comic. I really do. But the artwork continued to be just as shitty from the first comic. At one point I think the inker and colorist went out back behind the studio and started huffing paint thinner. They became so uninvolved with the characters that instead of drawing the proper attire for Siberian bound soldiers they all end up in one-piece leotards. The landscapes continue to be under drawn, the shadows continue to be incorrect, and the colors are as wrong as sleeping with your sister. All that and the artwork could have been completed by an 8th grader with poor motor skills. Yep kiddies this one is a winner for sure. Insert audible sigh here.

I hate admitting when I’m wrong. I had high hopes for this comic, despite the art, ink, and color. I advise anyone who is even thinking that I’m partially wrong to put his or her own eyes out before reading this series and just have someone else read it to you. That’s the only way you will get an objective look at the story line, pun intended.

Overall Ranking Joe Camel, I think this one gave me cataracts. I can’t even get a good hate up about this rag.

Sinister Monday #3

2007-05-13T10:03:00.000-07:00

The Cerberus has been quiet for the past week, perhaps licking the wounds we incurred at the Spider-Debacle. I myself missed a self-imposed deadline and Sinister Monday passed by sans posting, alas. Then my fellow curs were silent and you our loyal readers were left shivering in the cold. Well, this post included, I have managed to give you all something to read 3 out of the first 4 weeks, a production schedule that would put most comics to shame, eat my dust Kirkman and mcNiven, although I would already have been lapped by the mighty DC force of 52/Countdown. But enough logistics, flag waving, excuse-giving and horn-tooting. Though I'm not quite as taciturn (or belligerent) as dear dear Right Head o' Death, I am nowhere near as verbose as El Centrale. Today... I will give the latter a run for his money, I've got lots to say. Forgive me in advance for the pseudo-rambling style of this post. Please feel free to comment on any and all thoughts, for your sake I will try to keep things as organized as possible.

1. The Week That Was

My charming Siren's birthday fell upon this past Friday and in commemoration of this fact i left the other hounds in Chicago and journeyed with my lady to picturesque Mizzou. The day before we left I dropped by the LCS and picked up whatever titles my good lads had been keeping for me. To this end I have glorious news:

I now Have a complete run of the Fables series. Including the Last Castle One Shot. You have no idea the happiness this fact brings me. Now I must add, all is not done in fabletown. A few of the issues I have are in less than Mint condition and i will track down replacements leisurely, I may spring for the Maleev varient #1, and my issues 28 and 29 are signed by the Artist, Tony Akins, but I may want to get unsigned copies too. Fables, (and to a very large extent, the Sandman) is a huge reason I've gotten back into comics. Willingham re-opened the door for me and it is unlikely I will ever look back. Thanks Bill. Look what you did, goddamit.

2. City of Others

One of the titles I picked up on Thursday was a gem of an issue, City of Others #2. Written by Steve Niles and penciled by Bernie Wrightson, this title is going to be a BIG deal. I gave RHD a taste of the first issue and thought he might do a review for us here at the Cerb but he passed, though if i remember correctly his praise was high. The protagonist 'Blud,' is right up Righty's alley (and what a dark and sordid alley that is). This is horror comics at its finest, pulpy no holds barred serial style stories the kind you might find filmed in black and white on a local public broadcast channel or told aloud on NPR after midnight in October. of course those mediums would put a damper on this new series' most wonderful feature, Wrightson's amazing pencils.

They are nothing short of the best illustration work in comics today. The colorists are very careful to leave the drawings 'sketchy,' the ink is light and the work looks like it was grafted straight from Bernie's sketchbook. Color added here and there, mostly mute, but occassionally garrish (this is a horror tale, after all) is entirely subservient to the flawless lines. All of Wrightson's considerable skills are on display here, there are vampires being sired, hordes of zombies laying siege to an old manor, crypt-like sewers, and endless battle sequences. Unlike so many artists who have a 'stock' facial template whereby even the most diverse heroines and heroes all share a certain likeness, all of Wrightson's enormous army of the undead are individual and distinct, a factor which only adds to the oppressively monstrous situations we find ourselves following.

Niles story is competent if not a little too 'horrory.' What i mean to say is that there are plenty of shocks, but after a while the axe-blade is blunted, there is little down-time in this fast paced story, we are covering loads of ground. i for one am happy the plot is racing along, and prefer if the axe gets dulled from over-use. But there are narrative hounds out there who have to be miffed that tension is not being properly maintained, that there is not enough calm before and in-between the storm. Even at such an early avenue of this series I will happily give it a Voltron.

3. Astonishing and Astonishing-er.

During the dead week following the Spider-Debacle I read Whedon's latest X-venture on breakworld. I then tried to explain to Centrale why this particular series may be Marvel's best. Astonishing X-men #21 begins with a gorgeous splash-page featuring Armor and Wolverine on twin space-hover motor-cycle dealies pitted and scarred from recent battle. Logan simply states "sorry we're late," and with that the time between this issue and last (which feels like a long time for some reason) is explained away. What's more, stuff happened in the 'in-between' space between issues, something which rarely if ever happens in contemporary comics. Its all non-essential (the plot equivalent to 'he went into the bathroom to take a leak' or 'she drove 35 miles back into Toledo' and helps accelerate a story which is transpiring at a rapid clip to begin with. It is the hallmark of excellent storycraft.

Cassaday's art is phenomenal--the boy can draw. I must say I haven't been the biggest fan of his cover-work, but the interiors more than make up for it. Like Wrightson, each character has its own unique likeness, Logan is compact and ornery but not comically so, i.e. he still looks like an actual human being as some other artists seem have forgotten; Colossus is mammoth but stoic, haunted and reserved, even when bashing the shit out of Breakworld drones; a de-powered Cyke looks every part the charismatic Leader he should be, but without the playboy over-kill that is whoever plays him in the X-men film franchise; Emma is the cold bombshell, the perfect foil to Kitty, and Kitty... steals the show.

There is a sequence towards the end of this issue which is just brilliantly done and wholly compelling. Without giving too much away, Kitty and Colossus are safe for the moment, have found sleeping quarters for the evening, and are in desperate need of rest before a day which may literally be world-destroying. At the bottom of a page Colossus meditates, "They bring me back from dead. They want me dead. I will destroy them. I will save them. I'm so confused... so... tired." He is putting on a sleeping gown as Kitty undresses behind a red hued blind. The Reader turns the page and is blown away. The top half of the page is stunning, an empty bed rests in the right foreground, Kitty stands in the center, her naked back to us, shaded in a tasteful yet completely seductive way, she is drawing open a curtain revealing herself to Colossus who sits in the background with a face that is dumbstruck, his emotions captured entirely inside his arched eyebrows.

The panel below is a close-up on Kitty's face which we of course couldn't see before. It is the cinematic equivalent of a quick cut. We've just seen Colossus' face, now we get to see the face he was staring at (In the previous panel even though Kitty is naked before him, it is clear that Peter is looking Kitty directly in the eyes). And oh what eyes. The close-up on Kitty is beguiling, she is not smiling, her eye-lids are closed just enough to hint at how tired she is, her soft brown eyes opened wide enough to dispel any doubts to the intensity of her desire.

The next panel 'cuts' back to a close-up of Colossus's dumbstruck face. A tiny bubble reads "Now I am more confused..."

The last panel at the bottom of the page cuts back to a close-up of Kitty who is now smiling and looking deferentially at the floor. We then see what has made her smile. A word-bubble finishes Colossus's sentence:

"and somehow, not as tired."

The whole page an a half is a perfect representation of Whedon's absolute mastery of the medium. With another 20 pages or so that are perhaps not as good but terrific nonetheless, I am forced to hand out another Voltron.

3. Three Sentence Howls

a) Amazing Spider-man #540 Writer: JMS, Artist: Garney
Spidey's Pissed. Shit is going down. Maybe its because he had to sit through his own film.
Rating: Lando

b) New X-men #38
I am throughly enjoying Academy X's Quest for Magik. Colossus sister is one mean looking bitch. Can't recommend this title enough but it will likely remain overlooked by the masses thus...
Rating: Gimli

c) Stephen King's the Dark Tower: Gunslinger Born #4
am pretty sure that is the official, longwinded, overblown title of this series which is rapidly devolving into a longwinded and overblown story. Still, there's alot to like. And the art is gorgeous.
Rating: Lando

4. Things to Look Forward To

Well, I can't believe its Monday and i haven't burned through my stack of new comics yet. Thats what a vacation will get me I suppose. I still have the most recent New Avengers' joint to settle down to as well as Countdown #51. I have high hopes for both books. Regarding the former I might as well close with a factoid which may interest only me, but should provide a few laughs for y'all as well. Back when the Avengers disassembled and were re-assembled under Luke Cage, I remember a splash page of the new rebel group as drawn by Yu. It was a decent drawing, everyone looked appropriately menacing and/or bad-ass as their 'breaking-the-law' status seems to suggest. Well in the interest of Science, or perhaps Comedy, I showed the picture to the aforementioned birthday-girl and asked her if she could name any of the characters. Comics are not her bag, even Spidey's strange black costume (remember this was well before the Spider-Debacle Movie) would through her for a loop. Her guesses? hehe (below with the actual character's name followed by her oft ingenius guess):

Luke Cage: Muscle-Man (pretty accurate all things considered.)

Spider-Man: Chain-Link-Fence Man (Yu's webslingings do have the rough, chain-link barbed quality to them)

Ronin: Sword Scary (pronounced as one word, emphasis on scary)

Iron Fist: Dragon Pants (ell to the fucking oh ell)

Doc Strange: Magic Fingers (ding ding ding, we have a winner!)

Spider-Woman: Bat Lady Boob Babe (as the only female representative I suppose her breasts need be big enough for all women everywhere)

Wolverine: Logan (yeah, that's right. My girl's got mad knowledge)

See ya next week!

Left D

Spiderman 3 RHD review

2007-05-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

So, as that self-Centered head has already let slip, the three of us went and saw Spiderman 3 at the box office last Friday. Yep. That’s what we saw. Wow. Uh-huh. I need a fucking drink.

Okay, that’s better, bourbon to dull the pain, and a Motorhead to contain it. The night started off with a huge amount of promise. An okay meal at a nearby pub with some Black Bush to wash it down started that evening off decently enough. After waiting in line for about an hour, and two hands of go fish later, we were allowed to go fight for spots in the theater. Central and I got snack duty. He was in charge of the list. Never again. Moving on, cinnamon pretzel in hand and big ass coke in the arm rest cup holder I was prepared.

Half way through the movie I began to wonder why they didn’t sell hard booze at movie theaters. Not because I like the occasional drink, which I do, but because I needed something to make that ugly on screen pretty again. I think that at some point Raimi thought “I think this movie would be best done with dialog so cheesy that lactose intolerant people watching will die from it. Oh, and lets not write any bit of dialog for James Franco that isn’t strained and over the top Okay people?” That and I hate Topher Grace.

Those well thought out and reasonable objections aside, there were good points to the movie. James Franco did what he could with what he was given and his constant over acting (in a good way) is the only thing that made his lines make sense. Thomas Haden Church was the perfect choice for the Sandman and played the part perfectly and I wished he had more lines. Stan Lee makes a cameo that made me laugh and smile. Mageina Tovah as Ursula the next door neighbor still is one smoking hot biddy. But if I ever hear Kirsten Dunst sing again I will forcibly remove my eardrums to stop the pain, oh god the pain.

Later, after a few fingers of whiskey had been applied, for purely medical reasons I assure you, I was informed that the movie had managed to get 2 stars from some unlucky critic that must have kicked a puppy to get stuck reviewing such wonderful torture. I could only remark that it had well earned those two stars.

The moral of this story, dear reader, is do not pay 9 bucks to see this film. If some stranger offers you a free ticket to see it bite them hard on the nose and kick them between the legs. If a friend offers you a free ticket pull them gently aside and step on their toes hard. If you have delusions that this movie is good, there are medications out there for you, seek professional help and you too can be on your road to recovery.

(A) Sinister take on Spider-man 3

2007-05-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

And to think, I almost dedicated that film to the memory of Cap (may he rest in peace).

Like Righty before me I will post my two cents on the Spider-Debacle that the cerberus (and attendant sirens) were unfortunate enough to see Friday evening, opening night no less.

Spider-man 3 is a complete trainwreck. I won't go all fan-boy on the lot of ya, I'm not as well-versed in comic lore as I would like to be (patience, I'll get there young grasshopper) and I can't quite pick out all the "that's not how it was in the comic-books" plot points and characterizations. But what I do know is a decent film when I see one. There might have been a good film nestled somewhere in that tangled web (get it? like a spider web? hehe. ugh. see what lengths i've been forced to go in order to not feel dead inside?) but I haven't the foggiest idea how one might go about fixing things. The procedure would sorta be like separated siamese triplets connected at the head. The damn thing can't very well function on its own, but separate them and chances are all three will endure a slow painful death. Like most of the audience at the theater Friday evening.

Its strange. because for the most part i think the film is well-done. the action sequences are actiony. the casting was pretty damn good. Toby makes for a geeky Parker. Franco's Osborn is all noble hamlety 'I'll revenge you father!', The Sandman looks like he walked off the damn pages of the comic book and Aunt May is spot on. The others... aren't quite terrible. Lemme just say this, I don't hate Dunst, but I do believe she needs a helping hand in order to turn out something worthwhile. An auteur director say, or a script for the ages. Sometimes she just clicks, like in ESotSM. She made a decent kiddie vampire too. But as MJ she just sorta... doesn't do things for me. Maybe its the pouting, maybe it is the music numbers (as Righty already painfully noted). Whatever it is, I'm not buying it. Not in. Decidely out. On the next train to, um, Gwen Stacy island?

Moving on there is one character (and actor) about whom the less said the better. I hate the comicbook iteration of him (and the endless retconing of his backstory... who are you already!?) and definitely loathed the on screen adaptation. Thankfully he doesn't turn up for almost 2 hours and is dispatched with promptly. But not before his child-like dragon-howls made me expect to hear a South Parkian 'Timmy!" at any moment.

I think the film is most successful when it is trying to be fun. When it makes fun of itself and remembers its origins as a cartoony, geeky comicbook. The humor on display when Peter Parker goes emo and transforms into Conor Oberst and winks, snaps his fingers, points, and sashays about the street is the wince worthy self deprecation that is a Spider-man hallmark. The web-slinger works best, in my mind, when his raw, superhuman strength and agility is balanced on a tight rope with his more human failings. As this franchise continues (and it will, I have no doubt) it will be interesting to see who replaces Toby. I have a feeling we are going to get a Michael Keaton style argument years down the line, as in who made the best Peter Parker (even though for my money, and i'm sure to accrue an enormous amount of flack for this, Val Kilmer is my Batman/Bruce Wayne combo du jour).

Over-all I can't imagine this film being truly loved by the masses. Which won't stop it from making more money than everything this side of HP5 and Pirates3. It might be even more terrible on your home entertainment system, so if you want to see it I suggest you do so now. Don't expect much, and sit back and enjoy some neat special effects. However, if F4: Rise of the Silver Surfer is somehow worse than this, well, it will be sweet relief to lay back and have our planet devoured by Galactus.

Jealous of you big guy, damn jealous. wish i had my own heralds... *grumble* ... wish i could eat planets myself... *grumble grumble*

TGIC #2

2007-05-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

Spider-Man, Spider-Man,
Does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies.
Look out! Here comes Spider-Man…

‘Tis the season for jollity my friends, as kindly old St. Peter has opted to rub elbows with we happy few, we band of...something or other. But, yes, in answer to the inevitable question, the Cerberus will be in attendance on opening day, specifically the 9 pm showing at our favored theater downtown. Indeed, this particular sojourn amongst the fanboys, webheads, and trend-followers almost has a quality of the questing about it. One could almost sing about it; mayhaps something like:

We three heads of monstrous mien,
Bearing malcontent shall track our dear Pete,
Fire and brimstone, hellish plain and bottomless pit,
Watch as we witness a saga repeat.

O Star of Maguire, Star so pasty white,
Star with a vacant stare and teeth so bright,
Hollywood leading, fanboy teasing,
Make another film of Spidery might.

…or not. (Righty, being without culture, is going to have no clue what I cribbed that from; Lefty is simply going to twitch as he’s unable to persist in his “Dreamweaving” once this bastard gets stuck in his head.)

It probably seems like the natural state of things that a comic-reviewing three-headed dog with a flair for the hyphen would attend opening days of most any comic-based movie. Quite the contrary in fact, as this will be the first of the comic-related movies any of the three heads have seen thus far this year. Why you ask? Well, a few reasons, none of which, fortunately, require breaking into song. A combination of poor timing, planning, and the punking out of a certain head of the Western persuasion, resulted in us missing out on both Ghostrider and 300. Admittedly, we could’ve seen it on an individual head basis, but what fun would that be?

Furthermore, I, in my capacity as Central Head and mouthpiece of reason, can’t really say I’m all too terribly broken up over it. I mean, it’s not like we didn’t meet every last one of those Spartan bastards when they bit the big one the first time around. Hell, we were feasting for days on the souls of those Persian buggers they sent our way. Frankly, it was kinda like take-out, what with the glut of foreign food we had delivered to our doorstep. Even Lefty took time off from his lyrePod and Arachne’s latest hit to try a bit of the Middle Eastern food Xerxes was so considerate to provide. The reed armor even made each one seem like they were in individual take-out boxes. So, yeah, didn’t exactly miss anything we hadn’t already tried once…

As for Ghostrider, I can’t exactly back anything that so thoroughly distorts the role of the demon in the grand scheme of things. For one thing, this whole head-on-fire-while-riding-a-hog thing…just played out. Plus, in the comic Ghostrider may have been a flaming skeleton, but he still looked like he had a bit of heft to him; skeletal he may be, but capable of snapping you in two he can and would love to do. In all the previews it looked like he went from being Nicholas Cage into some pre-teen’s still-growing frame. And on that note, Nicholas Cage? Really? Nothing against him, but if he really does have a massive Ghostrider tat on his back, leave it on there. Hell, take advantage of it and make the Rider consume him from there. Couldn’t possibly suck more than what I heard about the special effects otherwise.

__________________
So, no new reviews this week…our bad. Admittedly we’ve been rather slack-assed about it lately, but in my own defense, getting to the LCS has been a serious pain in the collective ass for yours truly of late. I know, I know, this just sounds like the high pitched whining of a lazy hellhound head, but we – and I – will get better soon. And who are you to judge? I’ve already written a song for you today!!! What have you done for us lately, other than, you know, justify this blog’s existence by reading it. Anywho, since I’ve already got my write on and have already broached the subject of 300, here’re just a few thoughts on Mr. Frank Miller.

Righty kicked an article from the LA Times to Lefty and yours truly, discussing Miller’s extended stay in La La Land (http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/movies/la-ca-miller29apr29,1,7741626.story?ctrack=1&cset=true). Here’s my problem: in his haste to preserve the vision of his comic art, he neglects to acknowledge the inherent differences that exist between genres. Some comics, books, paintings translate to the silver screen more or less directly and without the need for too terribly much in the way of interpretation (300 from all accounts falls into this category). Others need quite a bit of tweaking to make a successful jump into the various reels. It may be that Miller’s style allows for a smoother transition than that of other writers, artists, or writer/artists; but this doesn’t mean his work needs to be projected, panel for panel, on the screen.

Mike Mignola, for instance, has gone on record stating that he considers the movies and cartoons based off of Hellboy to be completely separate from the comics he has written and drawn. While he provided and continues to provide insight to the filmmakers, these flickering images are not under his control, nor should they be. As far as he is concerned (and here I hope I’m not putting words in his mouth, though I doubt I am), they represent new universes and different interpretations of the work, drawing inspiration from the source material, but not (re)presenting themselves as a movie version of the comics. This is probably why the movies are so thoroughly enjoyable (that and Ron Perlman).

Miller, on the other hand, can’t help but take shots at the current Batman films for not acknowledging the importance of his works. He once said something along the lines of “it might be called Batman Begins but it was Year One.” Um, bullshit. Elements of Year One are certainly present, but so are other storylines. Similarly, the remark regarding the current film’s title, The Dark Knight, that “[t]hey finally got the title right,” is nothing short of insulting. Let’s not forget that the people involved in the creative process have repeatedly mentioned those works they leaned toward and pulled most directly from, with many of Miller’s topping the list. So why the sneering?

The most worrisome aspect of this is that people seem to think he’s in the right on these issues. “He was making movies into comic books” is such a loaded comment because movies need not be comic books, and comics need not be movies. Sure, there’s room for both and the two reflecting each other is as valid an artistic expression as any other, but there’s no reason to think that the best way to make a comic book movie is to make the movie into a comic book. That’s like saying the best way to make a movie based on Pride & Prejudice is to make the movie into a Jane Austen novel. Sounds pretty stoned, eh?

Let me wrap this up and I’ll shut up for probably a week or so. Miller seems to want to reserve his ideas and the art he created for his own uses. Not only is this wrong, but it is absolutely impossible. There is no way for him to “claim” an interpretation of any character, even those he created. Ultimately his point of view, once the work is in the public sphere, is not necessarily any more important than that of his readership. Yes, he has the right to sell the characters and ideas he owns (Sin City, Ronin, etc.) to Hollywood, but unless he’s cut a deal wherein his input and presence is mandated by the sale, he cannot get pissed when another artist puts a new spin on his material. F. Scott Fitzgerald recommended taking the money and running when dealing with Hollywood. Unless Miller plans on directing everything he ever wrote, he needs to do something of the same. Perhaps this is an overreaction or a misinterpretation on my part, but enough comments keep popping up that I’m a touch peeved and more than a touch twitchy.

Until next time, though, my rot-breath brothers and I will (hopefully) post for your reading pleasure. In the meantime, I remain, infernally yours,

cenTrale

I'm Not Dead God Damnit

2007-05-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

Damn it all I'm not to be replaced with a broken colander or some shit eating goat's head. I'm just lazy is all. Truth be told I was getting burned out from work and needed a break: Not that reading comics and writing reviews isn't fun. But as the end of my vacation has arrived I shall now make my return to the blog that I have long ignored.

The following month will see me post twice a week or the two bastards to the left of me can take a finger for every post I miss. Some prelude to this month will be a questioning look at that porno epic that Alan Moore put out The Lost Girls since no one else is actually reviewing it, Ghost Rider: Trail of Tears updates. My look at the first three issues of Marvel Zombies vs. The Army of Darkness, and I will tear a new one to the prolific amount of Night of the Living Dead comic book adaptations in all various forms. Fear not faithful reader I'm back and drunk as ever.

Sinister Monday #2

2007-04-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

Howl on my brothers.

So yeah, I've been reading tattered snips of this and that, no real focus, but goodness abounds. Some things I've enjoyed over the past week:

a) The various addenda and apocrypha at the tail end of Absolute Sandman V1. Its neat to see the process behind the completed project. I've always wondered how the mesh between artist and writer worked, I always figured one dominated the other, usually the writer being the control freak, with the talented ones 'playing to their artist's strengths.' I really have come to loathe that phrase, mainly because its become a bit of a cliche.

b) Hellboy V1. The artwork of this TPB just kills me. There really is nothing else like it, especially in the world of DC/Marvel where computerized coloring and 'realist' approaches have become the main trend. The shadowy, raw, cartoonish yet violent style of Mignola's masterpiece is a pleasure to read. And this early on he manages to spell out exactly how the sotry is going to proceed for years.

c) Justice Society of America #1-5. Simply put the best on-going series on the shelves. Blows everything out of the water. Johns has captured my attention and things are only going to get better as the 'round 'em up' magnificent 7 style formation of the group is in the past and the adventures have begun. I may do a feature on this series in the near future, keep your eyes peeled.

Well, its a busy week for this here head and I must be going. Gotta go learn computery stuff. not very exciting. Some three sentence howls are in the pipeline.

-LeftD

TGIC #1

2007-04-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

(a note on the above: Thank God It's cenTrale)

Truth be told, it's kinda hard to produce much of anything when you've got the head to your right persistently slobbering – both drunkenly and otherwise – and the one to the left grooving out to that iPod he refuses to share, swaying to Gary Wright or some other such thing. I swear to Hades if I have to hear one more ode to New Glarus that sounds not unlike something composed by a drunken bat/kangaroo hybrid or have a rather pleasant dream spent devouring unworthy souls (unworthy of my gullet, that is) disturbed by an atonal, spine-shivering exclamation of “Dreamweaaaaaver,” I might have to reduce this to a one-head act. Screw that chimera shit, we're going back to basics, where men are men and dogs typically only have one head.

But I digress. I haven't posted anything lately and for that I owe you, our surly readers, an apology. Truth is, this whole “April is Arc Month” thing was my idea; I like to alliterate...a lot. And I did have quite a few arcs up my sleeve, ranging from DMZ to Aquaman to DC: The New Frontier. Then me and the little lady head up and bought a place and, well, this is the consequence: a lame ass blog capping a lackluster month of silence. Who knew three heads could keep this quiet for this long?

Well, the silence is broken and from here on out, we will drop it like it's hot 'til the Styx runs dry...or something. Next month I will kick it old school and whip out something way impressive, er, review-wise. Until then, I'll regale you with my views on a topic near and dear to my heart…in that bear-hug-trachea-crush sort of way. I refer to nothing other than the intra-company crossover.

I hate crossovers. I mean, I hate crossovers. Typically they remind us why we contemplate an honorable suicide or, at the extreme end of the spectrum, canceling our pull lists at least once a three month cycle. The problem with these crossovers is they tend towards casts that make the term unwieldy seem strangely manageable. No number of pages exists that would allow any writer or artist the proper amount of room to truly and properly give each character his/her/its due. And I am certainly not advocating equal face time for everyone as that's just stupid, if not out and out stoned; rather, my concern is that the B-list characters in such situations don't even get treated like B-listers: they usually end up slumming it with the C-list (and the comment fields better not make any snide comments about my boy on this point; you know who I'm talking about). More than that, these monstrosities tend to launch titles that need the extra boost from a crossover and the gullible bastards sucked in by the promised “revelations” and “world-altering occurrences” that never really figure out a way to materialize just to make the most minor of blips on the sales charts. Here's a hint: if the series is that weak to begin with...DON'T DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. You could always, you know, keep around a low-selling but brilliant series instead.

That said, I have a good deal of respect for Infinite Crisis. While not perfect, at least it made the pretense of giving a damn about strong characterization while acknowledging that the realizations each of the major heroes come to will have ramifications well beyond this particular miniseries, thus leaving plenty of creative fodder for, you know, the single issue comics that are actually what the industry is in the business of producing. Furthermore, this particular event had a discrete story arc that allowed room for cameos but spent the majority of its energies focusing on a cast of six or seven, thus setting the stage for a pretty solid story. The other thing they did right by both storytelling and fans was the recognizing that the best way of exploring the results of any event is with another event. Sounds kinda stupid until you really think about it, right?

Think back, though, and I’m sure you’ll realize that half the major events for either of the “Big Companies” were undercut within a few months by “rogue” creative teams and a lack of editorial consistency. If, then, single issues can’t properly handle the event (and please keep in mind that I am not blaming the structure of the industry as I hold a deep love, not unlike an intense fire, for the single issue in the charred and clogged chambers of my heart; it’s just that the companies repeatedly screw up and don’t look likely to stop, so why not try a different tack?), the answer might be the (wait for it)…”Perpetuavent.” In keeping this whole event thing going for the better part of a year and a half now, DC has managed to rake in a crap ton of attention for most every series and continue to explore the fallout from Crisis in unique and interesting ways, while presenting a package streamlined and attractive enough that despite 52’s short-comings no one has freaked out on it the way the various Civil War spin-offs have been raked over the coals.

At this point I’ve probably flogged your collective attention span well beyond the pain-pleasure threshold, so I’ll sign off in just a sec. I didn’t go into detail regarding Civil War for a couple reasons: one, that its teeth have been kicked in often enough that I don’t really need to list its failings; and two, I’ll be churning out a review sometime soon on it and its consequences, if Marvel ever stops churning out spin-offs. Suffice it to say that the event had its problems, but at the same time it probably summed up what is best about Marvel. (How’s that for a teaser???) Hopefully I’ll make it to the LCS as Lefty likes to call it sometime soon, but Right Head Dead and I will be carrying furniture while Left Said Fred opts to bask in the sun…or help someone else out.

‘Til next time, I remain eternally and fiendishly your voice of reason,

cenTrale

the RHD contingency plan

2007-04-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

So here's a thought, readers. I know all you fanboys start hyperventilating at the thought of that dude from EvilDead who replaces his demon hand with a chainsaw. My question is, if I, the Cerberus, let's say... chops off a deliquent head... what should i replace it with? I'm thinking I'll attach the head of a dragon, lion, or failing that, a goat and be 'x'% on my way toward becoming a chimera. But other useful household items might be nice, after all, right now a broken collander is more useful than my current RHD. So yeah, write me your thoughts. Or if you *like* RHD, send your 'in defense of' poesies. Lord knows he needs it right about now.

In place of RHD's promised but un-realized wednesday posts, consider this:

http://www.comic-con.org/cci/cci_eisners_main.shtml

more info on the judges:
http://www.comic-con.org/cci/cci_eisners_07judges.shtml

Three-Sentence Howl: cenTrale #1

2007-04-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

Behold Sinister Head's newest brain child, which, as is my wont, I've opted to introduce because, well, that's the kind of guy I am. The Three-Sentence Howl is a new approach to giving you, our not-so-gentle readers, what it is you crave. Short but (hopefully) enlightening, these mini-views will offer quick looks at reasonably recent issues. Other than the title, writer, and penciler, information will be fairly skimpy (other than the rankings, which we include 'cause we're judgmental like that), so if you want to know more, ya might just have to go out and drop the three bucks to read the book. Or don't. See if we care.

Anyways, read on and discover just what can or can't be said in three sentences about 22-pages of comicy good- (or not-so-good-) ness.

Aquaman #50
Writer: Tad Williams
Pencils: Shawn McManus
Let's channel RHD here: SO. FUCKING. ANGRY.
Ranking: Lando

X-Factor #17
Writer: Peter David
Pencils: Khoi Pham
It's saying something when a single issue locks you in for every back issue and every issue to come in the near future (barring a Tad Williams style meltdown). The art works, story is intriguing, and it functions well within the wider universe. I smell a feature coming.
Ranking: Snake-eyes

Fell #8
Writer: Warren Ellis
Pencils: Ben Templesmith
It worries me when I read the letters section and Ellis implies that this is an off issue. Perhaps not an ideal issue in that it goes into pretty heavy explication to get the point across (as opposed to the previous issue which, wrenching in its entirety, manages to develop the character for a first time reader while allowing the final image to sum up the torment that is Detective Fell). Nonetheless, this is a wonderful introduction into Fell's head and would make for a stunning jumping-on point.
Ranking: Snake-eyes

Fables #60
Writer: Bill Willingham
Pencils: Mark Buckingham
I find it truly fascinating how Willingham can juggle multiple plot lines in a single issue and give, if not equal, appropriate time to each portion. This promises to be an incredible period within the Fables' history and I genuinely cannot wait for what's coming next. Oh, and remember, always remember: IGN's on crack.
Ranking: Voltron

All-Star Superman #7
Writer: Grant Morrison
Pencils: Frank Quitely
Um...yeah. See, Morrison reminds me of poets who occasionally remove key components of their work just to up the whole confusion factor and cause the reader to think harder, while expecting said readers to get the point before the final line. The latter half of this issue worked fine...the first half was kind of a WTF?
Ranking: Gimli

Immortal Iron Fist #4
Writers: Ed Brubaker & Matt Fraction
Pencils: lots of 'em, but the primary is David Aja
What happens when you imbue bullets with the power of the Iron Fist? Let's just say the various heads of Hydra get singed off right quick. This whole issue pretty much sums up a notion of "the cool."
Ranking: Snake-eyes

The Loners #1
Writer: C. B. Cebulski
Pencils: Karl Moline
After a discussion with Lefty I decided he might've been a bit harsh as there's plenty of potential for this series to get worse. That said, it could take a turn for the better. I say worry less, drink more, and hope against hope they don't try to legitimize this band of fuck-ups and instead go with some seriously screwed-up shenanigans (Alliteration Society of America, I am your man).
Ranking: Gimli

Runaways #25
Writer: Joss Whedon
Pencils: Michael Ryan
A disappointing start, but I'm willing to give Whedon the benefit of the doubt. I mean, sure, who knows what happened after the meeting with "The Tin Man" and it's probably fair to say the kids are in all likelihood without too many resources to appeal to when on the run. But seriously, the Kingpin?
Ranking: Gimli

Sinister Monday #1

2007-04-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I'm all there's Left.

A bad pun, I know. But I assure you that my compatriots, the right and center heads of the Cerberus, will be up and howling soon enough. At least they better be, or else this Hell-hound will be looking a wee bit less mythological if you know what I'm saying. A snip here and a snip there, and presto. Goodbye dead weight. Particularly the right head. all sodden with booze and whatnot. But I jest, Righty, I jest. On to more serious matters.

This is the inaugural post of what i hope to be a long and successful column entitled, Sinister Monday. In it I will ramble on about whatever has tickled my comicbook fancy which is not as dirty as it might sound. Might be as simple as a 'what I've been reading now' sort of deal. Or a couple mini-reviews that got hidden away and never saw the light of the hell-mouth. Hopefully whatever it is it makes you angry. Or happy. Or disagreeable. You fanboys are a disagreeable lot. Aren't you? See? You're angry already. On with the show.

Saturday I finally meandered over to my LCS and dropped $35 on comparatively few comics. Sure, there was the scandalous Frank Cho nekkid lady robot Mighty Avengers issue, and the Carey X-men title I keep buying despite consistent frustration with the good brit's narrative intentions. Oh, and the opening chapter of the JLA/JSA crossover that is sure to be the cat's pjs. But what really broke the bank were a pair of Fables back-issues. #2 and #35. The latter was only 3 bones, it was a missing piece in my Jack goes to Hollywood arc, and I now can safely say I have the entire back half of Willingham's 60 issue run.

The front side... that's a different story. I still need about 10 or so. And up until yesterday I needed the deuce. But i ponied up an obscene amount of bank and now she's mine. Even Mrs. Lefty oohed and aahed over the James Jeanius cover with a German Expressionist Bluebeard locked in battle with doe eyed Cinderella. It's a gorgeous cover and something of a rarity and is now selling for close to an andrew jackson. I figured lest it spiral up any further in price I should just get it over with and buy the damn thing already. done did that.

So now i need about 10 back issues of my favorite on-going contemporary series. Not counting the Maleev variant cover #1 which i will more than likely someday buy just because it exists. I'll place it on the wall next to my Last Castle (also currently un-owned) and it shall be a glorious framed display of comic goodness. Oh what bountiful wonders the future holds.

In other news, the hounds and I have been deliberating over adding some new comic book grades. Middling to high grades most of them, since we have found we seldom consciously purchase comics that we know full well will be trash. And the Gimlis and Snake-Eyes of the world are tired and in need of some serious R&R. So if you have some thoughts on classic pop culture figures whom you respect drop us a line and tell us who should be added to our rankings list. Don't forget to be specific. Gimli is a positive mark, but should always be something of a diamond in the rough. So while your figure should be one you respect, there needs to be a disclaimer. The big 'why'. Something like:

Hero X (which is a great mark, but like X, this issue needs a strong supporting cast in order to flourish)
or
Obscure Cartoon Anthropomorphic Cat (a good mark, but like O.C.A.C., this issue takes itself too seriously)

something like that. the 'flaws' should relate intrinsically to the figures of their namesake, and so on. I'm not sure these additions will be ready any time soon, and when we do decide upon anything they will be introduced with tremendous fanfare. parades, trumpets, public executions, the works.

Thats all for now. On to the nekkid lady robots...

Grindhouse Doug-le Feature

2007-04-09T07:12:00.000-07:00

Somebody's got a case of the mondays.
But i swear i never took your stapler.
Honest.

Good people of the Work-Week! The Sinister head of the Cerberus, like Tarentino himself, will now delight and astound you with a monday grindhouse double feature review. In this corner, hailing from the mind of JMS, we have Fallen Son, a Cap tribute album featuring some of his greatest contemporaries such as the Daredevil and Wolverine! In the far corner, also birthed from the genius of JMS we find the Amazing Spider-Man. Back in Black! I wanna rock! Hit me like a hurricane! Er, pour some sugar on me?

ahem.

Enjoy folks. Next up on the Cerberus platter are more single issue reviews and the first of our April is Arc Month arc reviews.

Fallen Son, The Death of Captain America, Chapter 1: Wolverine

2007-04-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

Fallen Son, The Death of Captain America, Chapter 1: Wolverine
Based on the ideas of: JMS
Writer: Jeph Loeb
Pencils: Leinil Yu
Colors: Dave McCaig

Let's just get this right out in the open. I'm not the biggest Wolverine fan. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I loathe the shrimpy Canadian, but I certainly prefer he remain in the best supporting category of the comicbook Oscars. Ever since the blockbuster X-men films, which on the whole were fairly good, Wolverine, through some impressive scene-stealing by Hugh Jackman, has become a Mega-hero. I'm told his ascent to icon status began well before the films. That's all well and good. All I'm saying is the cinematic representation of Wolverine has stoked a fire that was already closing in on inferno status. Walk into your LCS and take a look around. Wolverine, Wolverine everywhere and not a drop to drink. Before Cap died it was even worse. At least now we have Iron Man and the Avengers taking back some ground. And then there's an incoming Hulk. But not until later this Summer.

I suppose all the Wolverine-mania wouldn't be so bad if so much of it weren't so godawfully written. But terrible plot and characterization aside, people still want to see their favorite hirsute man in yellow spandex, threatening baddies and calling even the most revered figures, kid and bub. So it was inevitable that Logan be culled into the Fallen Son Cap tribute series. Even inevitable-r still, was the decision to have said chapter scribed by Jeph Loeb. For better or for worse (or for way-fucking worse) Loeb currently grasps most of Wolverine's reigns in the Marvel U. So needless to say I was a bit nervous about the introductory chapter of Fallen Son. In fact I can honestly say the only reason I picked the issue up was because one of my favorite pencilers was on the books, Leinil Yu. Yu has his detractors. I'm not one of them.

And I'm glad I purchased the issue because in reality its quite good. It's jam-packed with Marvel star power, from Cap (dead) to Winter Soldier (alive) to Doc Strange (astral form) to Hank Pym (his Giant Man alter-ego) to DD (the genuine article) to Iron Man (er, pre or post Ultron genderbending). Sometimes I feel Loeb writes entire pages just to let Wolverine show off, as when Logan barrels through the parapet wall of a Hell's Kitchen brownstone in search of an ally (I'll give you one guess who). Logan doesn't really need to attack DD, his excuse is BS, sure there have been (and still are?) doppledaredevils around, but Wolverine's nose is as sharp as Murdock's, he'd know the correct answer from a distance and wouldn't need fly at the man claws out Rayden/Superman style. I suppose this might just be Logan playing around, keeping another hero on his toes, etc. But this isn't just another hero. Its the fucking Daredevil. And i know the two have a history (Logan has a history with everyone he grudgingly respects) but this has been done before. To death. But here is a point where Loeb's poor character handling actually pays off because Yu's artwork more than makes up for it. The DD/Logan splash-page is gorgeous. I sorta want it blown up and framed on the wall of my library, er, study, okay you got me, the room where my cats go to drop a deuce. My apartment is small okay? I can't help it if that is where my computer lives.

Loeb uses Doc Strange the way a parapalegic uses a wheel-chair. Even Murdock comments at one point on the ridiculousness of his situation by saying, "no wonder Doc Strange is exhausted!" Unfortunately I can't see another way Logan and DD could get where they needed to go which is Loeb's only saving grace. And the encounters the two men have when they get where their going offer one hell of a payback. Without giving any specifics away let's just say nails are driven into particular coffins while other corners of the Marvel U become shrouded in even darker mystery. All told this is yet another psuedo-Civil War Post Cap's Death tie-in that I am going to have to continue following. For weeks now I've been trying to reach outer space and catch up on the Annihilation Saga. For the immediate future, looks like I'm stranded on planet Earth. All things considered, not a bad place to be.

Over-all Rating: A Gimli, almost a Snake-eyes, but I sweartoGod Loeb this is your last goddam free pass.

Amazing Spider-man #539

2007-04-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Amazing Spider-Man #539
Writer: JMS
Pencils: Ron Garney

Back in Black! OMG!

No, wait... er, why should I care about this again? It's just a uni-switch, right? Like a sports team donning the road jersies, no? Well...not exactly. Despite the fact that Spidey's current descent into darkness just happens to coincide with the feature film introduction of his ole black uni, I think that dark days ahead call for a darker web-slinger. Its symbolic you see, it always has been. So the core question of this review, and of Spidey's existence in a Post Marvel Civil War world is, why Back in Black? Other questions remain important too, such as just how crucial is the mask and cape of a caped crusader? Just how much can a hero be summed up by his costume? Can a comic character become popular through nothing at all but a clever design? And of course all of these dove-tail nicely into the comic clusterfuck that has been Peter Parker's 'outing' in the New York press. When you come down to it, does a costume even matter anymore if everyone, friends and foes alike, knows exactly who you are?

Yet the aesthetics remain important. For much of Amazing Spider-man #539 Peter is shown being Spider-man as Peter Parker. No costume whatsoever. At first i thought this whole costume-less action sequences to be a bit silly and awkward. About halfway through the issue Peter's form is dynamic, swinging through the big Apple tracking down a lead. The only problem is his appearance is jarringly strange. His face harbors a scowl, his life after all, is a mess. Yet to me he just looks like one of those insanely flexible dancers who is angry he didn't land the last Gap Khaki television spot. Damn, I thought to myself, a man just looks plain goofy flailing about on silken threads in civvies.

So I suppose the answer to one of those introductory questions is yes. The costume is important. A cool design can make a rather goofy action look downright cool. At least i think so. Is this just a question of familiarity? Maybe its just because I'm so familair with the normal Web-head look, maybe I find the Peter Parker slinging so strange because I'm used to a different aesthetic. There may be no clear cut answer here. So let's reluctantly move on to the meanings attached to Back in Black.

Black makes sense. Peter's world has turned to shit. And not Just Peter's but MJ's by extension. This issue's artwork is brilliant in subtly describing the oppressive menace and hostility facing the extended Spider-man fam. On an early page we find MJ huddled and small at the bottom of tall thin panel, walking the streets of NY, clutching at herself as one does against a stiff brisk winter wind. 'Above' her in the panel is a massive skyscraper festooned with unsettlingly malevolent ads. The effect is immediate and intense, MJ has the weight and malice of an entire city on her back. The threat is all the more menacing because like a mob, it is faceless and it is everywhere.

Malice and the threat of violence pervades the issue. Even in his Gap Kahaki personae, Peter still manages to come off as brutally strong, capable of terrible things, things which might just be necessary to stop his world from completely tearing in two. Tossing a Jeep a few flights up into a building at a sniper is just the beginning. The only mis-step in the whole dark aesthetic is the visual crutch of too much Dark Knight Returns. The pages of Amazing Spider-man have always been slightly cartoony and youthful, the best Spidey artists don't avoid this and use it to their strengths. It is a look that is diametrically opposed to Miller's gritty old Batman, and when i see Spidey's black silhouette leaping off a towering building with that Miller-esque trademark white snarl of lightning slashing down behind him I can't help but feel unease. Poor Frank just rolled over in his grave. Wait, what... he's not dead? Well whaddaya know. Learn something knew everyday

So is Black something to hide behind, or something to wrap oneself in to scare the shit out of one's enemies? Or is it just plain easier to hide oneself when one drops the bright red and blue jumpsuit? We learn that Peter has stashed his old black uni under a gargoyle at the top of a skyscraper. But what is interesting is that the gargoyle is clutching at itself in the very same way we saw MJ shivering earlier. Granted this visual echo is subtle, but i would argue intentional. We are meant to be reminded that Spider-man had given up Black once before and built a spectacular and loving if not idyllic life with MJ since then. Yet all the while, buried beneath their relationship this dark incarnation lay waiting. As Peter tears open this old wound and frees a former self, what now is to become of the relationship he had pain-stakingly built upon his old skeletons? Dark times call for dark deeds (and duds, heehee) but will Peter be able to come away from all this the man he was before Marvel's Gettysburg? With all these questions floting around, you can't ask for a better arc opener than this.

Snake-eyes going on Voltron. if it weren't for those damn Miller moments... sigh.

April is Arc Month

2007-04-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

Yes that's right. I was chatting with my fellow head, El CenTrale, the other day and he mentioned a rather neat-o idear. So he says to me he says, he says:

"How 'bout does 'April is Arc Month' sound?"

Only he said this with his typical scorn and disdain for all beings he thinks have less intelligence than he does, that being all of them. I thought it was a great idear. I reveled in plans and machinations. forthcoming arc-reviews, classic and contemporary. Here at Cerberus we pride ourself (ourselves? How does one quantify individuality in a three-headed dog?) in the feature length single issue review. But April is special. And not in the 'special needs' sort of sense.

So come back 'round yonder parts and read up on arc reviews peppered between their normal single-issue brethren. If you don't? Well, Righty over here has something special planned for you. And let's just say it's a 'family' tradition.

Generic Man #54

2007-04-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

Generic Man #54
Artist: Sketchy McFancypants
Writer: Brian K. Bendis

Wow, this comic sucks balls. Giant, interstellar, asteroid-flavored balls. Generic man is just, i dunno. boring. And the villains. Inane and predictable. I mean who wouldn't have guessed what was going to happen toward the end of this arc, eh? Not this Fanboy Snob. As Elfin Samuel McDooDooHead once said, "Channel all your nerd-rage at the plebes, boy, you're gonna need it." And we need it now more than ever, McDooDooHead, we need it more than ever.

Sketchy's pencils are pedestrian and uninspired. When a man's face can literally be mistaken for his ass (and when the man in question is not the Arch super-villain AssMando Calrissian), you know you shouldn't have gone to art school. Maybe should have been a plumber, or a janitor, or an english teacher. A business-man or a lawyer. Something. Just take a step back, put the pencils down and nobody gets hurt. Cause dude, can i have some fries with that shake? you know what I'm talking about readers? Inside jokes aside, i want to make sure maybe one or two people who don't read comics can understand anything that I'm writing about here. No wait. No I don't. I'm gonna float up here in fanboy cloudland megaworld and make you all feel like the mundies that you are. Suckers! (I hate my life).

As for the dialogue, I've had better conversations with my dirty laundry. And lemme tell you, when that green lantern shirt of mine gets worn every single day for a month or two, you better believe it acquires the power of communication, hell, i could play against it in X-box by that point, and the damn thing'd probably win. If i wasn't the best gamer this side of the Sierra Nevadas, that is. Back to the pointlessness at hand, Generic man talks in cliche's and non sequitors, just the sort of thing you've come to expect from one of the industry's most tired and worn out writers. I mean writing for 68 different titles in 4 years? even Speedor the Fleet Footed Freak can't cover that much ground (unless he's on Xebro 9, in which case the air density would allow him to achieve a greater velocity, fusing with his molecular trailwaves, giving him the ability to exceed the speed of light x 10^57 power! Too bad Xebro 9 only exists in the bueno-verse alternate reality, and that was crippled in the Fyoo-Zarr Wars when Earth A and Earth PFFFFFT were merged together in a gigantic flatulent bang.)

Bet you are wondering why i spent so much time reviewing this claptrap instead of tongue-bathing some heros worthy of my mighty intel and analect? Well, a man can't exist on bread and cheese alone, Willis. He needs his whisky too. Know what I'm saying? yeah, thought so.

all things being equal I give this issue a Granny Smith. Shiny outside, sour inside, makes ya want to give it to your second grade teacher for show'n'tell. and now I've just gone and distrubed the hell out of myself. Don't make me Gran you too, reader.

Local #8

2007-03-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Writer: Brian Wood
Pencils: Ryan Kelly
Letters: Douglas E. Sherwood

My loving brothers have brought to my attention that maybe, just maybe, my reviews tend towards the overly-long. Not verbose, per se, but a bit too lengthy. As is my tendency I dismissed these observations with a head shake and a snarl, but after some thought and deliberation I decided that maybe the shit-eaters were not completely in the wrong...or maybe I just got sick of their constant bitching. Looking over my submissions and Sinister's suggestion that I need not review every aspect of a comic – though I am sure that any number topics of discussion are barely even touched upon in any review, much less my own – I approached this new entry with fresh eyes, and a clear purpose: to write a shorter review. Therefore, and without any further ado other, that is, than this entirely unnecessary and – dare I say it? – verbose clause, I give you my review of Local #8...a black-and-white comic.

I picked up this issue of Local mostly because of Wood's DMZ. Even before I got back into comics and began picking issues up quasi-weekly, I made sure I knew what was going on in the world of the occasionally funny papers. DMZ jumped out at me as a very interesting concept and I subsequently ensured that my bookstore carried it. Hearing about Local I thought I ought give it a shot, especially considering how much respect I have for DMZ. Funny that a comic called something like “Local” would, in its introduction to mine eyes, be about my hometown and place of eternal residence, Chicago. This should probably be noted as just the first of a wide array of emotions this comic ran me through.

Needless to say, I haven't read anything else in the series. Typically I hate jumping in blind like this, but it seemed like both an interesting experiment and not a bad way of coming to some sort of conclusion regarding a book's relative “worth.” Yeah, a potentially absurd approach to either get to know a book or judge its value, but hey, this is reviewing and absurdity is more or less assumed. Absurd or no, Local #8 pretty much convinced me that I need to get all of the back issues and add it to my nascent draw list.

While this issue takes place in Chicago, there isn't much of anything “Chicago” in it. Sure, she's waitressing in Wicker Park as the cover suggests and, yes, they do walk to the El tracks at one point, but that's about it. Any number of methods and landmarks exist to place a reader within a context that would be recognizably Chicago, yet none are used here. Oddly, I'm not at all annoyed or perturbed by this as the point is not the city and this sure as hell is not a snub of my home; rather, this comic focuses on the people, not the place and in the case of early twenty-somethings, the place doesn't matter anywhere near as much as what they do, what it is they're looking for. Love, security, fun, some sense of purpose: all of this and much more is at the heart of the comic and not the background against which the trials and travails of the young take place. In that respect, this is a work wonderfully accomplished.

The art has really grown on me since my first look through. I won't say it's “fine and functional” because it is, in fact, something a good deal more. While there is an element of the unrealistic to Kelly's pencil/inks, it absolutely works given the subject matter and the characters involved. Something about this issue and its emphasis on the search, the quest to find an identity and make some sort of a definite move in one's life demands that things not look too real. In fact, the only time there is any note of reality – and this may just be because it's the opening of the issue and I haven't adjusted to the style yet – comes in the first panels in the midst of Megan and her boyfriend engaging in a quickie in the back of the restaurant they work at; she's a waitress, he's a line cook. In that moment of rushed intimacy – and more specifically the second panel, a liplock that does not necessarily clue us into Megan's panties currently dangling from her shoe – a reality is established that not only makes the rest of the issue appear as a sequence of drawings by comparison, but also validates the emotion and the impact of the comic itself. In short, this is a style accomplishing what it needs to accomplish but also improving upon and embellishing the story at precisely the same time. It sets the tone for the rest of the issue without the need for text, demonstrating a use of imagery to establish the extremes of a search, the points of departure and arrival.

The union of text and image demands that both strike the same chord with the same force; a synergistic representation of the panel's intent. To that end, the last word of the text – be it dialogue balloon or thought bubble – need not occur at the same moment as the image rendered. This is to say that the image can take place at the opening of a frame of dialogue or thought process, or the end or anywhere else in between. The key is that the image, somehow or other, expresses the appropriate emotion, conveys the correct message, and vice versa. Consequently, there is perhaps no scene more difficult to convey in a comic book panel than one of intensely subtle emotional involvement: that of grief that knows no depths, revelry in truly evil acts...and the utter exposure to harm that is an expression of romantic love.

I say all of this as a prelude to what is the key panel in the entire comic. In this the final image of Megan and her boyfriend on the penultimate page of the comic, Megan has rejected “Mr. Manners” and returned to the guy she started the issue with, telling him she loves him. It's a beautifully rendered scene incorporating two speech bubbles, one with “...” inside and the other simply containing those three small words. Megan's face is buried in her unnamed boyfriend's shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she stands on tip-toes to achieve this body lock. It is a scene touching in its tenderness and powerful in the rawness of the emotion. The arc of this issue has been one of self-discovery (and so, it seems, is that of the series) and in this moment Megan knows who she is and what she wants. My only qualm is the boyfriend's facial expression: it's just wrong. It has the weirdly put-out unease that doesn't quite sync with the rest of the panel. Like I said in the paragraph above, the images don't have to align with the final bit of text, but I find his expression irritating. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm not the kind of guy that looks irritated when any of my friends go in for that necessary hug, let alone my girlfriend, but it almost suggests that he doesn't love her back...and maybe that's OK. Like I said, this is Megan's road to discovery, not his; so maybe what she says on the last page in what is a clear pan-back shot of the building they're in, that, “Someone who'll love me back” does not refer to him specifically, just a goal and end result she has in mind.

I thought the inclusion of the soundtrack list in the end notes by Wood and Kelly to be clever, if a bit off-putting. Personally, I usually read comics without any real extra external stimuli, just so the comic itself has a chance to tell its story without outside influence; this is more of a general rule for reading anything ever since I fell asleep listening to the Dresden Dolls while reading Lord of the Barnyard...I woke up on a crescendo scared shitless. In my own head, though, I'm guessing that I probably construct a soundtrack of impressions and quietly line-up what I'd use for each scene. The creators' lists are good and all, I just didn't need them/didn't want them. It's kinda like reading a great book as a kid that you loved to pieces and then seeing a movie made based on it and, for me anyways, it takes a long damn time before you can see the characters again as you first saw them and not as they appeared on-screen.

One final note on that key panel and I'll rank and get up out of this piece: concluding the issue with this declaration of love and moment of vulnerability creates a fantastic counterpoint to the opening scene of a quickie in the back. As readers, we go from a moment of rushed intimacy to one that takes its time, does what it needs to. This is also the maturation of the relationship – and of Megan specifically – from brief, ephemeral passion to one of honest emotion and real need. You can fuck anyone in the back of a restaurant – I mean if you can...get into the back of the restaurant that is – but how often can you tell someone you love them and mean it? To me, this is some truly fantastic craftsmanship on Wood and Kelly's parts.

Ranking: Voltron 'cause even without color it still says everything it should say and gives me a lot to say.

Blood Nation #1 of 4

2007-03-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

Written by: Rob Moran
Art by: James Devlin
Colors by: Tom Smith

So I'm in the comic shop buying my usual grab bag of sex and violence and, as usual, I run my bloodshot eyes over indie comics. You know the type. Small presses that specialize in either comic versions of sci-fi and horror classics that everyone hates, including the people selling them, or the off the wall, home stapled, artistically (read poorly) inked, sometimes without words because the artwork speaks for it self.... crap basically. But I enjoy looking over these ill-conceived attempts at artistic expression because once in a long, long, long ass while I run across something that can peak my interests or at least make me chuckle drunkenly. It’s like going to garage sales to look at the records: most of the wax you find is shitty Hall and Oats records but every once in a while you find something that is the antithesis of Hall and Oats.

The last time I was slumming it in the indie section I saw Blood Nation. The big "#1 FIRST ISSUE!" bursting from the front cover made me fear the contents but I swallowed my optic fear and picked it up. If I were to judge this comic on it's artwork alone I would have been right to listen to my eyes. The artwork isn't great. It is barely, and I mean just barely, passable. Think cartoon network’s Johnny Bravo without the funny script and moving pictures: just fails to make me content to flip through it. I get the feeling the artist didn't want to draw the background to any of the panels because it might actually give depth to said panels. Often the characters are given simple clothing or simple environments no matter what they might be wearing in previous pages. This lack of effort alone is grounds for dismissal by me.

Now I know I'm being harsh but hear me out, the colorist sucks too. If he sucked as hard in real life as he did coloring this book he could easily produce that mythical golf ball through that length of ordinary garden hose. Shading isn't in this guy's vocabulary. In fact I'm not sure if he could recognize shading unless shading walked up to him and produced several shads of black, blue, purple, yellow, and green on his face for forgetting that when light is anywhere to be found then shadows must be cast. That or the shadows will envelope him and beat him senseless for making them work so much God damned overtime for this comic. That is to say that no middle grown was ever reached. Either everything was pitch black or clearly just wrong. This colorist needs to have his hands removed so he can’t hurt any more poor defenseless eyes ever again.

The artwork is disappointing. "No shit!' you might say, thinking me daft for not remembering the written ass reaming I gave the ink and art workers. "That isn't why the artwork is disappointing," I'll respond while hitting you in the face with the empty beer bottle in my hand, the beer I just finished. Trust me that beer bottle is perpetually there too so watch your mouth. The artwork is disappointing because the cover work is solid. Rob Moran did the artwork for all three alternate covers for this series he created and his talents for art should have been put to use between the covers as well as scripting this artistic train wreck. The score would have been better at least. Shit, I need another beer.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Moran. The creator, writer, and cover artist for this four part series seems to be hampered by his hired help. The only redeeming part of this comic is the story. Inventive ideas and story are the only reasons I'll keep reading the next three parts. The characters are a bit recycled and a little on the overused side. The main characters seem to be the vampire that was once Genghis Khan, which does explain that whole conquering the known world thing, and an old soldier that is basically a punisher knock off with a death wish; Not the best base but he makes it work. Sprinkled throughout this first issue are little tidbits that really make the reader, i.e. me, want to find out what the fuck happened in the soldier's past that he deserves daily beatings as ordered by the president.

Let this issue be a lesson to all comic book writers out there, if you know how to write, and how to draw DO NOT LET SUB PAR TALENT DO INK WORK FOR YOU! At this point if I was Central Head I would make some comparison to some wonderfully written comic that had shitty artwork that is held on some fan boy pedestal or refer to Lefty and his penchant for blaming Grant Morrison for his cancer, but I got nothing.

Rating: Lando, it would have scored higher but the artists decided they wanted to piss all over a good story with their expression.

Beers I drank while writing this review: 3, Pinstripe Red Ale. It’s no New Glarus but nothing really is.

Lone Ranger #2

2007-03-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

Writer: Brett Matthews
Artist: Sergio Cariello
Colorist: Dean White
Cover Artist & Art Direction: John Cassaday
Lettering: Simon Bowland

I remember the Lone Ranger. Growing up as a young pup I would watch reruns of the tv show on my parents ginormous TV. So big was this television I swore it must have had Loki as an ancestor. This black and white serial was like magic to me. The epitome of good was the masked vigilante of whom the title of the show reflected. His trusty sidekick was the Indian Brave who spoke broken English and did bad war cries when running into battle… Ok so looking back on it now that show was crap. The good guy always got his ass handed to him by some cool cow poke dressed in black who at some point was outwitted by the idiot wearing white, riding a white horse, but no one could see that coming? I guess this was a time before people had the ability to look up from the ground. All that and Tonto was the stereotypical Native American who was indebted to the masked avenger because he saved his life, who never got his proper due for saving the dumb ass masked avenger whenever he decided to be a idiot hero. My Grandma could physically take the Lone Ranger, bend him over a pool table and not only unmask the jerk-off, but take his pride, wallet, and cherry to boot.

But I digress. This is a review about the new series from Dynamite comics. The two aren't related. It's a completely different species. No one would mistake the comic for the show. Even blind-mutes know the difference and they cant read the comic or watch the show. Anyone who thinks they are similar can meet me behind my favorite bar where I will show them what my Gran taught me.

This issue agrees with my statement of nightmarish nostalgia. The opening page shows the aforementioned Indian Brave standing over a shot up Ranger saying "How." A dubious start I know. Turning the page alleviates all my fears with the following line. "How are you alive?" This comic hates its roots more than homosexual Democrats hate their conservative, Klan attending Republican parents . If I had to pick one reason to continue reading this comic it would be Tonto. I love this guy. If I ever happen to get trapped in a comic book through some rip in the space-time-comic book continuum I want it to the Lone Ranger so I can buy Tonto a drink. Brett Matthews manages to take his weak, under rated predecessor and turn him into a 6'3" bad ass with a sense of humor similar to my own.

That's not to say that Matthews is perfect. He has a long, long, long way to go with the title character if he plans on making him a vigilante in any sense of the word. For fuck's sake, the guy doesn't even drink. Never trust a man that doesn't drink without a good reason. The man is just too weak at this point to be a lead character. Sure, he has the dark past thing down -his brother and father were gunned down- but he is too green to be a successful gunman. I can only speculate that Tonto will be carrying the whole comic for the next few issues. Not that that's a bad thing.

The artwork on this series isn't playing back up to the story though, as it is more of a harmony. Sergio Cariello is a very competent artists who does all the inside work. It's obvious that the artwork here is being pushed on display with a full page panel every four pages it seems like. If Cariello wasn't at least decent this would be torture. With a solid grip on making the bad guys either extremely ugly or so bad ass looking that no one messes with them my only complaint is that his work isn't used on the cover. Cover work should be somewhat interesting. Covers sell the comic to kids of all ages in that supermarket-impulse-buy-of–the-National-Inquirer sort of way. This cover is pretty bland. Just a shot of the Ranger getting ready to put on his mask, which doesn't even come close to happening in this issue. Damned creative license.

I look forward to buying the next few issues of this incarnation of the Lone Ranger, if for no other reason that to see how really fucking bad ass Tonto is. Overall I give this comic a rating of a Gimli; this comic is going to be big but right now it just has a lot going for it. Keep reading to see how it evolves.

New Avengers #28

2007-03-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

Title: New Avengers #28
Writer: BENDIS!
Artist: Leinil Yu
Colors: Dave McCaig

The new New Avengers. Re-assembled. Avenging. Or at least trying not to get their asses Negative Zoned by the Tin Man and his Avengers. I must say that of all the fertile ground the Marvel Civil War tilled (and there's oodles, don't let the shit-slingers decieve you) this is where the real action will take place. And BENDIS! gets to scribble both sides of the Avengers squabble. Its a unique position, one sodden in responsibility. Think Geoff Johns, the architect and Universe-shaper extraordinaire over at that other comics megaverse. BENDIS! has that kind of power here, and that kind of responsibility. Years down the line if Marvel becomes a joke you will have to look no further. But if things keep picking up steam as they are now we should be in for something truly special.

Look, I realize the events of New Avengers #28 are just foothills in what are sure to be some serious Kilimanjaros. But I've been reading a whole shit-ton of late 70's Claremont. If anyone mastered the comics equivalent of a long-take, it was him. Yet he was also very much a classicist. every issue, EVERY single one, no matter how embedded in whatever Pheonix/Jean Gray toe-licking adoration/glorification saga, every issue obeyed the set of "single issue comicbook rules" codified long before Claremont grabbed hold of the X-men. One of those 'unwritten' rules is that every issue has to have a villain, an enemy strong enough to feature on the cover putting Cyke and the folks (or whoever) in mortal peril. Because Chris knew that all comicbook readers are not adults, and that kids (as well as most adults) need to see an ass-kicking or three. some explosions. cars over-turned. thrown at people. Big fucking monsters from outer-space.

New Avengers #28 has this in spades. sort of. Because its not quite that cut and dry. The 'plot' of this issue involves the team fleeing from one potential horrific ass-kicking into the next. It is a 'framed' story with a flash-back nuggeted in the middle. We open in Japan where the Avengers Overseas crash at the Silver Samurai's pad after re-capturing Maya Lopez/Ronin/Echo from the Hand. Silver Samurai poses the central question of the issue: "Hey, just how the hell did a bunch of capes sneak out of the States to go save their pal in Japan?" That question is never completely answered. But it will be. It is the thematic equivalent of a teaser. enter flashback from a day ago, Avengers Stateside.

Spiderwoman gets some false intel regarding the apparent non-death of Cap. Avengers assemble, break into (onto?) the Raft in an attempt to save dear Steve. But it's a trick. of course it was. as transparent as Doc Strange's disembodied avatar-ghost thingie. The reader knows this. The Avengers themselves know this. But they have to make sure. Cap would make sure. So they fight through the typical disposable SHIELD grunts only to be trapped and confronted by the Stark, Sentry, et al. But before these two teams get to fisticuffs, the flashback ends preemptively. Because back in Japan first Wolverine, then Spidey senses that Elektra and a biblical plague of frogs-sized pack of ninjas are approaching. And that's where we're left, hanging, waiting for not one but two stories to be completed. So Claremont/late 70's X-men style we don't get the epic single issue battle, but we are presented with confrontation aplenty. Sorta half-assed, but not altogether unsatisfactory.

BENDIS!' dialogue is spot on. His characterisation is pleasing, Cage is obviously the leader, not through brains or raw power (I'm pretty sure Logan or either of the spiderpeople could strategically take Cage if forced to) but through old-fashioned heart. He is man people can get behind. Doc Strange is the deus ex machina mystical type

(BENDIS!: "Let's see I've painted myself into a corner here, just how the hell am I going to... I know! Doc Strange!" That's not entirely fair to the writer, but whatev. nothing but love.)

while Spidey and Logan play comic relief. Everyone is still waiting to find out who the new Ronin is, so he's mostly mum. Fist is there for coolness factor alone, and Spiderwoman, er, i dunno... she's there because otherwise there would be a severe lack of breastage for Leinil Yu to illustrate.

Speaking of Yu, I dig. His artwork is raw and 'pencily', veins bulge, ligaments in muscles protrude, noodles slurp, smoke obscures, spit flies. His Cage is particulary raw and impressive, and his Wolverine should be commended if for nothing else than for not being the eccentric and exaggerated versions that have cluttered Marvel's pages for years now. Logan is short and stumpy, his eyes small to non-existent, smoldering with napoleanic fury.

There's one last nerdy thing I must make mention of... let's call the forthcoming paragraph this review's epilogue. BENDIS! and Yu pay homage to two of the greatest figures in all of comics by gracing this issue with their two panel presence. However I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. These are all nerd-complaints, but how exactly would the Endless be tricked into believing one of Doc Strange's magical ruses? Is Strange that powerful? My colleague here at Cerberus says indeed he is, but I'm not so sure. Also, the speech bubbles of said cameo characters are rendered like everyone else's. But the balloons should different, befitting the speakers as they have always been dialogue-ed. Unless these two figures are just kids who happen to be dressed up. which is, i guess, a possibility. At least that is what Marvel will tell its lawyers to say come lawsuit time. Then again Gaiman is on the pay-roll now, so perhaps this is all fair game.

I rank the whole kit and caboodle a gimli, since the upcoming action will likely make this guy an overlooked diamond in the rough.

Crossing Midnight #4

2007-03-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Writer: Mike Carey
Pencils: Jim Fern
Inks: Mark Pennington
Colors: Jose Villarrubia
Letters: Todd Klein

Brother Sinister Head said something pretty funny prior to our crawl to the bar the other day. “I was walking around the Indie publisher section the other day and saw that Ellis, Carey, Brubaker and everybody have something or other out. Comics must pay shit if they have to write this much!” While it is plausible that this seeming landslide of work would have more to do with a desire to tell story after story – to relieve some of the pressure on their skulls mayhaps, or increase/maintain their street cred among the comic book literati – it does raise the question of pecuniary remuneration on the part of the publishers. That said, today we will consider Mike Carey's latest money-making scheme.

I jumped on board this comic more or less as soon as I heard about it; I've liked Carey's work in the past and getting in on the ground floor of a series is always fairly exciting. Since it was just starting up, I thought I'd wait to write a review until the first story arc had time to set something of a tone and acclimate the readers to this new world. So here we are on issue four and my feelings remain much the same as when I first started reading the book: mixed. Rather than address the series initially, my preference is an evaluation of this most recent issue with the hope that said commentary will go some distance towards explaining my feelings overall.

A rather tight issue, the various notions and sundry components that comprise this issue work quite well together. The character development is strong, with a focus on the twins' mother Miya throughout the majority of the 22 pages. Her fractured inner monologue is fascinating and a wonderful means of exploring this family that forms the heart of the narrative. The paneling and layout do yeoman's service in providing effective visual evidence of this. Outside of Miya's portion of the story, they, the paneling and layout that is, don't necessarily blow the roof off, but they certainly don't get in the way either. Separate from Miya their purpose is to provide the framework for the tale's progression. OK, mission accomplished on that one.

The art is fine and functional, something I've come to discover is a pretty common term in my critical repertoire. It serves the purpose of getting the story across, but doesn't exactly make the reader stand up and shout. I probably shouldn't complain or take too harsh a tack as I couldn't draw my way out of a box. Not that I hate it or anything, but it certainly isn't the engine powering the story, unlike McNiven's work on Civil War, which made that comic readable even at its most frustrating. I would suggest that many of the major images are rather reminiscent of film stills, though there remains a subtle something going on that bothers me in that can't remember a band name sort of way. The coloring doesn't exactly provide an assist, as there appears to be almost no shading with each object containing and presenting a rather flat looking hue; I'd argue that this is pretty damn disconcerting. Because of this it is perhaps easiest to say that the art is the cause of something of a disconnect between reader and comic, though it's hard to say that this is a bad thing given the book's focus and the fantastic elements employed.

I do have to commend two great images, primarily because of the subtlety employed. The first involves the scavengers that gathered to consume Miya's tattered soul. Sliced to pieces in the previous issue only to be reformed moments later, her physical appearance belies the fact that her soul has been “shredded,” as the newest character to the stable, Nidoru, describes it. The specific image that I, at least, responded to involves a memory panel being grabbed by clawed hands and torn from its place on the page. I just think this is a great way to not only reinforce the previous and subsequent panels as memories but also a great visual representation of what these Araburu are trying to do.

The other image takes place toward issue's end and involves Toshi. Her new master Aratsu uses one of his many swords to slice through her twice, cutting “away past and future.” The final unframed image on the page is of Toshi from mid-chest on up, tears streaming down her face. That alone is rather nicely done, but it's her eyes that jump out at me. The color is slightly different than in any of the other close-ups of her face and they appear to be without pupils. Maybe this doesn't represent a major change in character presentation and has solely to do with the tears, but there remains something striking about it, as though living solely in the moment without a past and future her eyes have taken on a more ephemeral, simultaneously lighter and cloudier appearance.

Insofar as Carey's textual contributions go, things are pretty shipshape. The dialogue is more or less spot on and though not much is explained about what in the hell is going on, characters are furthered and the reader continues to be drawn in. As with the art, subtlety seems to be the word of the day and, for now at least, it's working rather well. Textual representation, well that's got Todd Klein on it...probably 'nuff said. Moving away from the text alone, quite a bit takes place in the overall story, but going into it all is neither a necessary nor an easy task. Weird going-ons, strange figures with bizarre powers making deals with children and anyone who knows what's up is keeping pretty well mum: story of the story thus far.

I will say that this issue wasn't exactly my favorite thing ever upon first read-through. Dwelling on it since, it's grown on me quite a bit. I've come to appreciate J. H. Williams III's cover art as a great presentation of the issue. Miya as a cutout doll, Toshi only as a sketch and Nidoru ripping out of the middle of the page: it's a great issue-cover interchange. Similarly the first page took a couple glances before I came to appreciate its strength and beauty, as well as the tone it sets for the issue as a whole. I probably should have included that page in those little “great images” paragraphs, but eh, what can you do; it'd be like me actually giving a cover artist a shout out at the beginning of a review with the other contributors: not likely to happen anytime soon.

Digressions aside, it's the place in the series as a whole that makes this issue such fertile ground for thought. On the other hand, what with this being the fourth issue of a comic that has no connection to any other comic source material, it might be a bit unfair to judge it too harshly for relying on what has come before and the promise of the future. This is what causes me to state that my feelings are mixed on this comic overall and hesitate with my final ranking without exploring this a bit further.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like this comic quite a bit and will definitely be with it over the long haul barring some momentary relapse into insanity on my part or complete and nuclear letdown on Carey's. I can't, however, in good faith say that this is a great comic for the simple reason that I am not even sure what it is yet. The reader is still very much in the dark on most every major plot point with the introduction of most every new character somehow or other increasing the number of questions while offering a sense of direction and purpose to the story as a whole. In my book that's the mark of damn fine storytelling, but it doesn't resolve any of my questions as to what in the hell is going on. Really, I don't mind not knowing what's up – I'm pretty used to that frankly – and I certainly don't mind giving a series that I find quite interesting in its own right the time to find its way. Hell, The Sandman took, what, like eight issues before things really started rolling. As in the case of that particular cultural landmark, Crossing Midnight has all the potential in the world to tell a sprawling tale that manages to evoke a sense of the epic and the intimate from one issue to the next, and sometimes even both at once. Thing is, I'd like to think that I'd've reserved a showering of golden praise – um...ew; i feel dirty for having even written that and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you clearly don't hang out in the textbook aisle enough – or even acerbic criticism in The Sandman's early going until that first issue involving Death, which in my mind blew the doors off of what was already a damn fine series. Even as I write this, I can see where I think Crossing Midnight is headed and acknowledge the sheer potential it contains, but I also think that a certain critical distance might not be such a bad thing either.

Ranking: Starting as a Gimli, moving towards a Snake-eyes. Nothing quite like the product of hot ninja-dwarf unions.

Detective Comics #828

2007-02-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

Writer: Paul Dini
Pencils: Don Kramer
Inks: Wayne Faucher
Colors: John Kalisz
Letters: John J. Hill

You know, I really haven't given a serious shout-out to the cover artist (Simone Bianchi in this case) in my reviews or in the header that leads off each review. I mention this for two reasons, the first being the sheer number of people listed for this review; seems like no one is doubling up on duties for this comic, which really has to make for an interesting creative process. From what little I know, the inker really brings out the final, impressionistic quality of the penciller's work, and the colorist has something of a similar impact on the inker's approach. Lettering is probably the least appreciated (at least, from my and my fellow heads' rather rudimentary understanding of the comic genre) aspect of the comic, and, yes, there is a specific letterer here...who is probably suffering from Todd Klein envy, but that's neither here nor there. The first point is that with everyone I've taken the trouble to list both here and elsewhere, I still did not list the cover artist. And the second point? The cover pretty much sums up both the issue and Dini's run on the series thus far.

Just to cliché it up, even if a picture is worth a thousand words, we'll see what the next few dozen can do (although, you could just go online – or, rather, continue to be online – and check out the bloody image for yourself; anyways, if you opt out of that read on). Like every other cover thus far – in my time on the run that is – it's black and white, save for a yellow outline surrounding "Detective Comics." This bordering lends an extra emphasis to those words, which is an important note I will come back to later. The words themselves rest atop rays of light – an intrusion also in need of further discussion – slanting into the Batcave. At first glance it could well be a spotlight, an intense halogen of some kind, yet closer examination does not bear it out: as such; the light is too broken, too varied in intensity; it streams into the picture, does not bear down this is sunlight making its way into the cave's dark recesses. The background enlightened thus consists of broken and bare rock, a stereotypical cave wall – at least for those growing up as I have, experiencing the notion of rock as worn and shaped by water and the dark. In the foreground, and this is where it gets interesting, The Batman/Bruce Wayne sits in a chair – the usual high-backed super-gamer variety consistently seen throughout comics and films – in deep contemplation. His face is obscured by his left hand, brought up in a thoughtful pose that creates a number of shadows and planes across his face, while his right hand clutches his cowl; this is Bruce Wayne in The Batman's garb we see before us, computer consoles and screens arcing around him in the middle ground. And, somehow, from the shadows of the face and chair, our eyes are consistently drawn back to the light streaming, which implies flowing, into this small segment of the cavern.

Or, rather, one's gaze is not perpetually drawn back toward the light coming in (here's where we touch on the light again) from the top center of the page: one's gaze is, in fact, split. Our hero's shadowed and obscured face demands equal time and recognition alongside the rock reformed as a pool of light by the strongest of the light rays that, in my eyes at least, introduces this page to our view. It is more a movement between two states – one light and the other in shadow – an ineffable in-between that defines this cover; this is what is so impressive, so memorable.

To complete the chiasmic tact taken thus far, it's probably high time to address that aside dealing with the "Detective Comics" logo. The reason the emboldened logo matters so much is that, fundamentally, these words epitomize the stories Dini tells, with this issue in particular representing the apex of said stories thus far. Moder approaches in other comics have played up The Batman's drive, Bruce Wayne's attempts at a "normal" life, even the character's exceptional fighting skills. We look up descriptions of the Dark Knight on Wikipedia and other resources and listed under Abilities is "genius-level intelligence," yet that intelligence is typically employed as a justification for a certain healthy paranoia more heroes of the non-superpowered set could stand to adopt. Dini's Caped Crusader is simply blindingly intelligent and observant: not one damn thing escapes his notice. Not only that, but he is unrelenting; whether he knows why or not, if something manages to strike him as not quite right at a crime scene he'll keep at it until he knows what that something is or is confident that he was playing that old grabbing at straws game we all know and love. My exposure to The Bat in a pre-Modern Age setting is restricted to, for the most part, The Greatest Batman Stories Ever Told, a volume my brother picked up in the '80s that I read time and time again...do I ever miss that book. Predominantly Silver age tales, these stories struck a certain balance was struck between The Batman as fighter and The Batman as detective. These days his detecting is more a demonstration of coolness or cleverness on the writer's part. I can say, though, from what I read then and what I've read since that this is the definitive The Bruce as the Detective in a way we have only seen in flashes over the last twenty years.

As an aside, I futz with the various nicknames for our hero not only 'cause I'm playful like that, but also because the presence of his many monikers is a demonstration not only of popularity, but a certain difficulty inherent to the character. We have no definitive name because we do not know who he is: Bruce Wayne as The Batman, The Batman as Bruce Wayne, Bruce/Batman, a fundamentally fractured personality Alfred has nurtured for years for reason completely unexplored...who knows. As such, and until my feature debuts discussing my own take, I opt for a variety of names if only to highlight every aspect of the character.

As regards plot, the issue is perfectly happy as a one shot, content to tell its tale and move on to the next event. A friend of Bruce's (actually Bruce's) falls into the ocean off a yacht hosting an art museum fund raiser...it's Bruce's yacht so he goes all The Batman on it...friend dies following a shark attack but inconsistent marks on the body arouses Bruce's suspicions. It plays out from there with a heavy emphasis on the detecting and not the fighting. Yeah, there's a fight sequence but it's not exactly memorable, rather silly really. Why in God's name would he know "Kiribati" martial arts? For that matter, why wouldn't he just bitch slap the dude rather than opt for a disadvantage by matching the style? He's The-Freaking-Batman!!!!! Break a couple limbs and get on with your day already. In fairness this is just about the only misstep story-wise all issue, but it does tick me off a touch.

Back to the detecting by way of story, though, and what we have here is something that comes close to a Sherlock Holmes-style tale. Growing up on that wily old sleuth, the one thing that bothered me as I got older was the lack of evidence provided within the tale itself. Sure, a carbuncle is a stone, but how was I supposed to know that one was stolen recently and that meant A led to B and onwards to A-Bizarro. The moral, however, is that we are not meant to outwit the hero; yes, he holds cards we never knew existed, yet that is for the precise reason that he is the hero. So the partial clues we get (oh, and by the way, a little realization: read any Holmes story title closely and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the number of clues contained therein; much like Borges and the Eternal Orangutans...chew on that while considering the crappy title of "Sharkbite") are alright in that for our hero they are something more and less than partial: he simply functions differently. This is why the contemplative look shrouded in shadow is so phenomenal adjacent to the empty cowl: this is neither Bruce Wayne, nor is it The Batman...it is simply The Detective, as Ra's Al Ghul would say.

It should be clear by now that the story and the character it manages to evoke is the star of the comic. Consequently, the art is hardly the focus of this issue, nonetheless it remains useful. No splash pages dominate the interior pages – certainly nothing like the cover work – nor is there ever a tight focus on an equally tensed musculature. In fact the art on first view comes across as rather pedestrian, but this is why first views are rarely enough. Though The Batman is hardly impressive and appears primarily as a man in too tight spandex, Bruce Wayne ain't no great shakes either. Bruce's build is that of a prep with a solid sports background – probably something team oriented but physical like hockey, lacrosse or football – and too much breeding, a story told by the lines that make his face interesting but hardly beautiful. In truth, I object to both depictions as I prefer The Batman to be a paragon of the human physique, as beautiful as it is dangerous, and Bruce Wayne as the handsome and dissembling playboy with movie star looks. (That last component in particular makes the occasional view of his back with all of its scars that much more stunning and meaningful, say during the Hush story arc for instance.) Thing is the story would suffer were the art to take over. Its pure functionality really nails down the importance of the strides he takes, the purposefulness of each move our detective hero makes. What sets The Batman apart is not just his physical ability, but his intelligence and mindset. Dini has clearly taken the notion of "Detective Comics" to heart.

The paneling and lettering is executed in a similarly appropriately conducive manner, keeping the views tight and mostly from the shoulders up when viewing any given character. This in fact may be the strongest component of the artistic design in that every major player has some sort of a focused frame on their upper body and head. Characters do, however, remain distinct, with the set of shoulders, the angling of the head all expressing their, um, character. Even Bruce and Bats have dissimilar bearings, yet there is a unifying intensity, an appraising value, that breaches the surface, if only ever so somewhat, in both. Again, this reinforces the notion that it is the detecting, the intellectual exercise that is the key element to the story, not the actual players (and this might be a more chilling attitude than "Paranoid Bruce-Man," that people represent abstract variables in the coldest machinations of his detecting mind with all of their characteristics and actions factored in purely in the mathematical and not for the qualitative perspectives they offer).

It may seem strange that I praise to high heaven the cover work and am comfortable with less than impressive interior art. If you'll allow me to digress, and you should seeing as you've made it this far, I'll explain my reasoning in slightly greater detail. Cover work is, at least in this case, a distillation of the story it promotes. In picking out certain ideas and approaches, it has the advantage of being thematic and moody, even when the story's art cannot be. This oftentimes opens a gulf between a cover and the pages it houses (see Fables for a textbook example), but such a gulf or disconnect always takes place in the comic medium, save that rare and as-yet-unnamed tier. Bridging that gap is what makes the reading so fun. This is not to say that there is not a style or artist whose work might better express the visual element of the story without sacrificing the plot; it's just that in this case, the art works fine and does not hurt a fascinating take on the title character.

Point is, this issue is great. Every read reinforces what is from the get-go a good read. A few times in and you're hooked. Missteps do rear their ugly heads, from the action scenes to some slightly implausible moments – The Batman's quick appearance at sea had to raise at least a couple halfway competent eyebrows – but they really don't detract that much from the issue's overall strength. In point of fact, such occurrences remind one even more strongly of the Silver Age with its omnipresent Batman. I haven't gone into any number of the interesting plot points and devices, but this is long enough already, yeah?

Ranking: Voltron 'cause for all of its strengths it ain't perfect.

Ghost Rider: Trail of Tears

2007-02-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

Writer: Garth Ennis

Artist: Clayton Crain

Fan boys. The word inspires dread in the hearts of recreational comic readers. Fat, sweaty, middle-aged men with too, too big T-shirts with their favorite super hero logo on it, but just barely recognizable from the thousands of wash cycles it has endured. Men that will most assuredly argue with you about how Captain America is the best super hero ever, not just some guy in spandex that can catch his extra special shield. I hate fan boys.

That being said, I am a fan boy for Garth Ennis. There hasn't been a single thing that I have read, from Preacher to Punisher, Hellblazer and back, that I didn't absolutely love. I'm not saying that I've read everything the man has written. I'm sure that somewhere out there, probably, maybe, I speculate, is something that totally sucks giant, sweaty balls. I just haven't found it.

This success is sustained with the first issue of Ghost Rider: Trail of Tears. This issue is the build-up children, the only glimpse of the flambéed vengeance seeker is on the cover. The story opens near the end of the Civil War, focusing on a Confederate soldier that most assuredly will become the comic's namesake. Saved by an ex-slave named Caleb who bought freedom for himself and his entire family, our soldier boy finds himself regretting not only his side in the war but the whole war altogether. This is where I find Ennis' story a little troubled. Fan boy or no, I have some small worries that this comic may fall into clichés easily. The Confederate soldier learning the wrongs of his ways, the strong hint that the man and family that saved him will be destroyed in the next issue, the vengeance he most probably will seek because of that destruction are all directions that this comic could head in. These aren't huge leaps of imagination I'm making here, they are standard comic book fare that we all have grown to love and loath at the same time. I hope, hope, hope that if Ennis does travel down any one of these roads that he at least takes the back roads and not the freeway. Don't let me down you Irish bastard! That being said, at this point everything is setup, nothing is written in stone. Ennis could go on to change what we percieve to be coming at the end of the issue to something entirely different. He did it with Preacher all the time. Sneaky fucker.

While I am worried about the future/past of Ghost Rider, I love the ink in this book. From the blue flamed skull over a historical map of the U. S. that dons the cover to the Grim Reaper like appearance of Caleb on the deserted battlefield to the no named god that Travis Parham encounters, everything is perfect. Clayton Crain managed to set the mood nicely without being cheesy. With Crain's fleshed out scenes and attention to detail I will continue to read this run even if Ennis runs the story into the ground, though that isn't likely to happen, I hope.

Overall, being forced to give a rating since that's why I reviewed it, I would give this comic a Snake Eyes. It has a lot going for it but some may find it is just my fan boy crush.

unhappy circumstance

2007-02-21T07:04:00.000-08:00

I didn't mean for things to turn out this way, i promise.

fellow Hell-hounds,

Directly below is the 10th Cerberus single issue review. This occassion calls for a shit-ton of pomp and to a lesser extent, circumstance. Said circumstance being the unfortunate unveiling of our 7th and most dire comic ranking yet. Thomas and Jake, my unflagging compatriots were carousing about Dis a few weeks back when a close friend offered a suggestion. An answer to the problem Cerberus was facing regarding our lack of an absolute bottom of the barrel ranking. Close friend said, "Why not Joe Camel?" As in "look out kids, reading this stuff will give you cancer!" We mulled and considered, unsure if we ever really would come across a comic that was so bad it deserved such a dishonour. Then Grant Morrison returned from sabbbatical. And the rest is history.

Take 'er easy, Dudes,

the Cerberus

PS- check out the tenth review below, and as always, we'd love to know what you think. In particular, what do you think should be our currently un-named, most exhalted, damn near perfect top 'o the heap ranking? Howl on my brothers.

Batman #663

2007-02-21T06:57:00.000-08:00

Batman #663
WRITER: Grant Morrison
(art: John van Fleet)

Grant Morrison, you've put me in an awkward position. I'm trying to make sense of your controversial return to the Bat-fold. Yet in order to do so I need to come to an immediate conclusion. Is issue #633 a comicbook? Thanks to the wonder of wikipedia i have a host of definitions at my disposal to help me come to terms with this quandary. Our first contender...

Will Eisner (1996): Comics are "the printed arrangement of art and balloons in sequence."

Eisner's definition implies a marriage of text and graphics to the extent that text supports image. Words are seconday to the point where they are marginalized into balloons. Issue #663 has a shit-ton of words--words words everywhere and not a drop to ink (hehehe, er, ugh). Words filling up every last square inch of page. no 'negative' or 'dead' space at all which now that I think about it makes me think even more poorly of this product than i already did. Van Fleet's illustrations (and they are just that, graphic renderings of a text complete enough that it does not need images to exist) seem tacked on. So by Eisner's definition we have a definitive no. Round two, fight!...

Scott McCloud (1993) Comics are "juxtaposed pictorial and other images in deliberate sequence, intended to convey information and/or to produce an aesthetic response in the viewer."

Now things get more complicated. Four main points. Juxtaposition, sequence, information conveyance and aesthetic response. Did Issue #633 manifest an aesthetic response in me? Yes, enough to make me think it's a fucking trainwreck. Is information conveyed? Yes, in the form of a bad prose poem in dire need of an editor. Is there a sequence? yes, there are even 'chapters.' Juxtaposition? ah, there's the rub. There is juxtapostion but it is completely ineffectual and boring. Part of the greatness of comics is inference--inferring meaning through gestures, conduct, repetition, etc. There is none of that here. As I said above, Morrison's shoddy prose can stand by itself. It needs no pictorial accompaniment to function, to complete McCloud's latter three conditions. Is Issue #633 a comic then? No. Definition number 3, c'mon down!...

R. C. Harvey (2001) "...Comics consist of pictorial narratives or expositions in which words (often lettered into the picture area within speech balloons) usually contribute to the meaning of the pictures and vice versa."

Now we're getting somewhere. Here in Harvey's definition we have a slight hint at hierarchy, more specifically the lack of hierarchy between words and picture. Both inform one another, and it is the interesting and unexpected ways that they do so which make particular comics 'ground-breaking' or canonical. I have a feeling, okay, I know for a fact, that Morrison is trying to do something new here. But by Harvey's standards he is completely unsuccessful. He has outstepped the bounds of the genre. Issue #663 a comic? A resounding no. last but not least...

Eddie Campbell (2001) "the term graphic storytelling is defined as "the art of using pictures in sequence and its attendant language of forms and techniques, refined over many centuries."

Eddie clearly preferences pictures to words. Partly because Harvey's definition completely excludes the fact that wordless comics exist. Damn good ones in fact. So Pictures occupy the highground, with words lending 'attendant' meaning. Issue #633, survey says! No.

I'm afraid the dread might of wikipedia has forced my hand. I am sad that I must give the lowest possible grade to Morrison's literary experiment (or as it is more popularly known, Batman #663). And it's not just because it fails as a comic. Morrison's prose is bad. Every four sentences or so he hits the mark, something unexpected happens, a delightfully anarchic metaphor works, but most of his sentences are over or underwrought. If he's going for stream of hallucination/consciousness he needs to push things even further. Maybe he tried and DC reigned him back. I dunno. But he ends up in some no-man's land, a middle ground that is unexciting and banal. If i want to read up on the New Wierd I'll find me some Meiville who accomplishes much of what Morrison wants to by using sentences that actually function as sentences and aren't always trying mutate and burst through the cocoon of the English language.

Van Fleet's art (and notice that at the top of the page i have his credit in parentheses, because they are indeed an afterthought) is horrible. It smacks of Resident Evil video game-ness and is sterile, stiff and generally boring. I'm going to go easy on the art though since it obviously wasn't the focal point of this issue. Van Fleet most likely did the best with what he was afforded. So yes, Morrison takes the fall for the poor art as well. Just about the only thing I can say that is good in any way about this issue was that it was a complete and utter failure which, unlike what you might think, is not as bad as a partial failure. Morrison went balls out with this and for that I have to give him a meager amount of credit. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try and get that half hour of my life that i wasted reading this back.

Rating: "Joe Camel" as in kids should stay away because this shit will give them cancer.

Birds of Prey #102

2007-02-19T10:41:00.000-08:00

Writer: Gail Simone
Pencils: Nicola Scott
Colors: Hi-Fi
Letterer: Rob Leigh

I guess January was National Transition Month for comics. Seems like half the comics I read were set-up issues of some sort, either getting a new arc going or moving a few other threads ahead. The problem is that only a few of them managed to be particularly interesting. I already popped off about Aquaman, but today I'll be tackling Birds of Prey.

I will start off, though, with what this issue does very well, which is demonstrate the strength and power of the women in the DC Universe. Not only that, but it also plays up very nicely the variety of those women; from political persuasions (Spy Smasher to Huntress) to reactions in dangerous situations (Misfit to Barda), each woman featured has some sort of choice, some way of effecting the overall outcome. The terror evoked by Lois Lane's snooping around you for a story is fantastically put across in one panel as Oracle thinks, "I'd rather face the Joker. He's been known to give up on occasion." (The thought panels generally are very nicely done, giving each discrete thought it's own place and providing a look at the manner in which the characters think and process.) This might be a questionable line as the Joker is the man who paralyzed her, but it does emphasize Oracle's movement from the physical superhero into the master strategist and what it is she fears now: exposure (and, just by way of exposition, Oracle is Barbara Gordon, formerly Batgirl, who was paralyzed from the waist down by the Joker back in the day). But back to the main point, this series on the whole has done yeoman's service in fleshing out (hmm...Power Woman?) the possible roles of women in the DCU and this issue specifically expands on that with the injection of Lois Lane into the arc.

Generally speaking I enjoy Gail Simone's writing. She is certainly one of the more humorous writers around, with her particular style invoking an engaging blend of wit and double meanings. So far in Birds of Prey she has managed to keep the humor at the right level, allowing it to infuse a kind of authenticity to the dialogue without making the books one long yuk-yuk joke.

That said, Oracle and Lois Lane's conversation just did not quite work for me. Maybe it was Oracle's out-and-out hostility, maybe it was the notion that Lois Lane had no clue who Oracle was (I mean, c'mon, is Superman really that kind of a jackass?), but something, somewhere was throwing everything off. Unfortunately this applies to a good deal of the issue, the sense that there is something a bit off. From the odd melodramatic line to scenes that appear to be taking place side by side that the reader knows cannot possibly be taking place simultaneously, the issue tries to cover a lot of ground, though in something of a haphazard manner.

Certain actions taken by the characters also seem a bit discordant. At one point Barda throws a car at some of the Feds firing down at her from a catwalk. While that's not a bad way to get rid of them, there were non-combatants in the backseat. Is this Barda not thinking and grabbing the nearest thing at hand (and it is fairly cool when you can just sorta toss a car at your enemies, especially if it were a Pinto), or are we left to assume there was some other car in the warehouse...that we hadn't seen before in this rather tight space? Also, Oracle's plan to threaten Lois Lane by outing Clark as Superman I just don't buy. For one thing, Lane would probably perceive it as a bluff and for another what little I do know about Oracle mandates that she isn't going to totally screw over one of the planet's more important defenders just so others can go down with her. The simple point is that for a bluff to work the mark has to be willing to believe it. This all feels a bit too much like Oracle has to have everything covered 'cause she's cool like that or something. Again, these are missteps, but the overall tone of the issue is such that they come across as necessary missteps on the way towards the arc's conclusion.

The art in the series thus far has been perfectly fine and functional. If there is a criticism to be made it would probably be just that: it is fine and functional. It ain't gonna knock your socks off and it surely isn't going to be the engine for a weaker story. A nice distinction does exist between those who are superheroes or something more than ordinary (it's nice to see "Miguel the Metahuman," for instance, described as a metahuman considering his impossible physique, instead of just some 'roid ranger) and those who are just human. I don't much like Lois Lane's nose – there's something distracting about it – but other than that there is not anything really rotten in Metropolis. The same can be said for the coloring as it doesn't make the comic and doesn't break it either.

The thing is that I do enjoy this comic; it's just not at the top of the list. It's a fine series with an interesting premise and a very solid creative team, but this just happens to be kind of a blah issue. I do feel there are some problems (pacing, character decisions, etc.) that would earn a lesser comic a worse rating, but the book's conceit is strong enough and the team capable enough that even a boring and seemingly overly-drawn out issue remains reasonably middle of the pack.

Ranking: Gimli 'cause it's solid enough, just not leading lady-esque.