Sinister Monday #9

Sinister Monday... actually written on a Monday? Solomon Grundy? Bueller?

Usually I'm a bit better prepared. I generally write these posts on Sunday, where an ocean of time stretches out before me like those gigantic puddles that form after rainstorms on the back streets of the city where all the filth has clogged up the drains, fast-food styrofaom, candy wrappers, broken bottles, used condoms, dead rats, dead leaves, and dead babies... er, gee, where am I? Let that metaphor drag me away like the anchor of an oil tanker slamming into an iceberg, crew being sucked down into the inky void of... I'll stop, I promise.

Boy, it's great to have the three cerberus heads howling in chorus, ain't it? RHD's pumping out reviews like (oh Christ, not again) a, um, a person who enjoys reading comics and gets thoughts about them? Yeah, that's it. And beloved El cenTrale. He just won't shut his trap. goes on and on about radioactive sperm. it's radioactive sperm this, and radioactive sperm that. Keep this between just the two of us but me, I think he's jealous. I think old center head wishes he too could irradiate bitches with his essence. Um, just in case you think I've gone excessively crude and misogynistic all of a sudden, I'm using bitches in the female hellhound sense, and not the gangsta rap sense. Though I'm curious as to whether or not there isn't already a female rapper with a hellish surname, like Bitchy Von Hades, Sally Struthers, or Whorebags McGoingToHellWithLotsOfBling. This is why I need a research department. That and because as far as facts go, I'm fresh out.

Light load this week at the ole LCS. Seeing as I'm the only hound who makes a weekly trip, you'd expect my stash to be slightly smaller. And that's where you'd be wrong. I'm picking up something like 20 issues a month. 4 a week or so. This week it was:

Countdown: 43
Uncanny X-men #4,332,902 (plus endangered species chapter 2)
City of Others #3

and something else I pull but can't remember because i haven't got around to reading it yet. see folks? precious little facts. mostly just opinions (and metaphors, apparently).

Things I learned from the latest Uncanny X-persons:

1. Salvador Larocca isn't always bad. One shouldn't judge a guy on just one book (*cough* NewUniversal *cough*) and the silly practice of comicbook photo-realist art. I'm sorry but i don't care if you think it's fucking rad that ultimate nick fury looks like Sam Jackson. I'd rather he just look Black, loaded with weapons and it'll-kill-you-so-fast gadgets, and pissed off. Yet Larocca's X-persons are slick. Especially Storm. There is something in his lines which suggests a regal quality of an African born warrior goddess, and not 'just' a hawt black chick.

2. Warpath (nee Thunderbird) is still boring. Even when he's wrassling gators.

3. Morlocks, morlocks, evil little morlocks, where does your garden grow?

4. I'm a bit confused as to how exactly Masque's powers work. While everyone on the subway is incapacitated he says something to the effect of "Now these people will feel what it's like to be a mutant." And after he touches them they are all hideous freaks. But does he mutate them? Are they all mutants now? If so, Beast better call somebody. Surely, a little research on Masque couldn't hurt. And Beast probably has a better R&D team than Cerberus Reviews. Thus the me not having any facts dilemma mentioned above. And writing dilEmma just reminds me of the white queen and makes me wonder why she isn't in every x-comic. Talk about hawt.

As Far as DC's Countdown goes, I give it a resounding 'Meh.' I'm just not getting into it like I did 52's first trade (still waiting for the boys upstairs to put out Vol2, little help DC?). Maybe its a character thing, maybe I just don't care about Jason Todd, or Holly Robinson, or Jimmy Olsen (Must Die. sorry, old habits die hard. Or in this case, old advertising ploys die hard. Bruce Willis dies hard? Live free or... sorry again, I'm in stream of associative consciousness this morning. my bad). Also, it seems like every issue is artificially centered around some big event I could care less about. The death of a new god! A funeral to a character whose death never occurs in Countdown! The only issue I really enjoyed was the Olsen/Joker convo, the only issue to really end on a cliffhanger (i.e. the threat of Jimmy being Croc-clawed to ribbons).

As the lunch hour approaches my thoughts shift to edamame. see ya next week. and I'm out.