TGIC #3

Well, after probably more than a month away, RHD and I made a successful return to Ye Olde Local Comic Shoppe. Zeus, I missed it so. As one might expect, though, the hurt was put on my bank account in a major way; kinda gives a bit of perspective on just how much I’m dropping on a regular basis. Also, a number of my collections are now incomplete, which, I shan’t lie, is rather irritating. It’ll probably take me the next month or so to catch up, but such is the way of things when one shirks responsibilities as thoroughly and willy-nilly as I have (and I dare LeftD to use “willy-nilly” in a post in a more natural or appropriate manner; gauntlet = down). The plus side to all of this? Next week, you’ll be getting at least two actual reviews of the lengthy and verbose variety. I know you’re pissing your pants in excitement…or RHD just looked over your way with that hungry leer in his eyes.
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So…Spider-Man 3. I suppose I should at least briefly touch on that monstrosity.

Let me begin by apologizing for my pre-mature versification. I swear to Ares that hasn’t happened since that one time in college with the Midgard serpent. Plus, the little ditty was the sum total of my creative energy allotment for the month and I blew it on that. Still, I was impressed I could work “mien” in there…and you should be, too.

As for the movie itself, I’m not sure how much I can add. My brother heads have done an excellent job of picking it apart like the rib cages of the damned, while the members of the media with their heads screwed on straight have similarly vivisected this poor excuse for a movie to the extent that we’re all pretty numb to the sight of that particular open viscera. Nonetheless, here are a few disjointed and generally unedited thoughts on that waste of a Skittle-eating experience:

1). So you’re saying Peter/Spidey didn’t change at all? It’s been bashed into our skulls that this is a trilogy and, obviously, this movie completes the movement. The problem is, it seems like there’s been no real movement over time other than backwards. At the end of the second film, Peter reaches a certain comfort point within the context of his life as both Parker and Spider-Man. I’ll grant you that Mary Jane’s expression at the end of that film did set-up what was to come this time around, but Peter’s attitude and actions in this entry are, to say the least, mind-boggling. Suddenly everything is so great that he can’t possibly see how unhappy Mary Jane is? He wouldn’t explain to her what happened with Norman Osborn, if only so she understood the tensions with Harry? It’s as though after everything they’ve been through he can’t tell her anything about his life except how tough it can be to be Spider-Man and how he totally understands what she’s going through. Here I thought he’s the smartest guy in his class.

B). We were provided with absolutely no context as to why the Black Suit felt so good. Nothing was done to explain that he might be stronger with it other than an ability to hit Sandman harder. The spider-sense never came into play at any earlier point, so the whole idea that he can’t sense Venom coming doesn’t factor in at all. Plus, this whole “sound hurts it” approach, while accurate to the comics, is undermined by a similarly poor exposition. Yeah, he bangs into a bell and the resulting gong causes the suit to freak out and lose control. Got that. Yet what about the aforementioned fight with Sandman in the subway? Lots of noise there, in fact noise crossing a number of frequencies and wavelengths, yet no suit freak out? I’ll grant you that it could be that the low frequencies or heavy bass is the problematic range of sound (good thing Mary Jane didn’t become a singer-waitress at a rave or drum-and-bass club), but, again, the audience is never given any kind of explanation that satisfies a suspension of disbelief. That whole end fight just seemed like a quick wrap to a half-assed story.

III). I’m’a end with this one or I might never stop: Why have Sandman in the film at all? Don’t get me wrong, I rather enjoyed the performance and the effects were nifty, but if he only got about ten lines total and is largely missing for the majority of the film, what was the point? The same could be said of Venom, but the Eddie Brock storyline actually mattered a bit more, or, at least, was a good deal more visible. In films past, some sort of emotional unveiling always kicked in at the end, something of a fitting explication of the thread running throughout the film. And in previous films it did not seem at all forced. At all. Here, we get beat over the head with guilt and blah blah blah. Honestly, stop. When you can’t convey the major emotion of a film without a lot of man-crying, hand-wringing and I-forgive-you-which-means-I-forgive-myself, start over. Seriously, salt the earth and start over a bit further down the river. You know, further away from This Really Sucksville. A more friendly reading of the film would suggest a maturation process taking place throughout the series (thus suggesting that only now is Peter Spider-MAN), yet such a reading would be inappropriate and actually do violence to what was on-screen (not that violence is not uncalled for).

To sum up, when faced with a fall from the Brooklyn Bridge, I’m not thinking of you Pete, not you. Maybe Lefty, probably not Righty.
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A final thought or two and I should be done (and getting back to work).

I recently got into X-Factor and must say I’m the better hellhound for it. Here is a series that juggles the story arc and single issue format incredibly well, delivering great comic writing and moving the series forward without causing harm to, you know, the main characters and what they have become/are established as. (You here that Williams?! Yeah, you TAD: STOP FUCKING UP!!!!!) Further, this is a series that is actually dealing with the fallout from M-Day within the larger context of the Marvel Universe without going into space or turning in uneven issues. Eventually, X-Factor will be one of those titles that gets involved with every other title in that wholesome, let’s-push-the-story-forward kind of way, rather than the slutty, this-is-key-to-the-whole-next-year-but-not way that seems to be so popular in the wake of a major event. Anyways, read it and I assure you good times will be had by all.

Also, Immortal Iron Fist and The Spirit will be the last items I read from my weekly stack from now on. Why? ‘Cause they give me hope that this medium can consistently turn out fantastic material for wildly different reasons. Upon finishing Iron Fist, I simply exhale and go, “Wow, that was great.” (Great = damn cool here.) After finishing a The Spirit, I let my head roll back (can’t really go to either side or one of the carrion-eaters hanging out there will take this as an invitation to talk to me; we have very specific ground rules on when that can happen and after The Spirit is not one of those times) and say, “Wow, that was great.” (Great = one of the consistently best things I’ve ever read.) This is true of a number of series (DMZ and Fables come to mind off the top of my head), but I just thought I’d give these two a couple well-deserved bark-outs.
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And with that, I’m spent. I hope we all had a good time reading this. I certainly enjoyed the quite time it entailed (a little Decemberists and Arcade Fire in the background, no co-workers and no shoulder-inhabiting heads whining in my ears). Next week will be HUGE, so check in regularly. Oh, and Lefty? Don’t ever try and take my prop (i.e., long-winded and verbose) again or so help me, that iPod gets fed to RHD. Just remember that you both continue to reside on either side of me only by my sufferance and that alone. Snootch.

Until next time faithful readers, I remain death-breathedly yours,

cenTrale