TGIC #1

(a note on the above: Thank God It's cenTrale)

Truth be told, it's kinda hard to produce much of anything when you've got the head to your right persistently slobbering – both drunkenly and otherwise – and the one to the left grooving out to that iPod he refuses to share, swaying to Gary Wright or some other such thing. I swear to Hades if I have to hear one more ode to New Glarus that sounds not unlike something composed by a drunken bat/kangaroo hybrid or have a rather pleasant dream spent devouring unworthy souls (unworthy of my gullet, that is) disturbed by an atonal, spine-shivering exclamation of “Dreamweaaaaaver,” I might have to reduce this to a one-head act. Screw that chimera shit, we're going back to basics, where men are men and dogs typically only have one head.

But I digress. I haven't posted anything lately and for that I owe you, our surly readers, an apology. Truth is, this whole “April is Arc Month” thing was my idea; I like to alliterate...a lot. And I did have quite a few arcs up my sleeve, ranging from DMZ to Aquaman to DC: The New Frontier. Then me and the little lady head up and bought a place and, well, this is the consequence: a lame ass blog capping a lackluster month of silence. Who knew three heads could keep this quiet for this long?

Well, the silence is broken and from here on out, we will drop it like it's hot 'til the Styx runs dry...or something. Next month I will kick it old school and whip out something way impressive, er, review-wise. Until then, I'll regale you with my views on a topic near and dear to my heart…in that bear-hug-trachea-crush sort of way. I refer to nothing other than the intra-company crossover.

I hate crossovers. I mean, I hate crossovers. Typically they remind us why we contemplate an honorable suicide or, at the extreme end of the spectrum, canceling our pull lists at least once a three month cycle. The problem with these crossovers is they tend towards casts that make the term unwieldy seem strangely manageable. No number of pages exists that would allow any writer or artist the proper amount of room to truly and properly give each character his/her/its due. And I am certainly not advocating equal face time for everyone as that's just stupid, if not out and out stoned; rather, my concern is that the B-list characters in such situations don't even get treated like B-listers: they usually end up slumming it with the C-list (and the comment fields better not make any snide comments about my boy on this point; you know who I'm talking about). More than that, these monstrosities tend to launch titles that need the extra boost from a crossover and the gullible bastards sucked in by the promised “revelations” and “world-altering occurrences” that never really figure out a way to materialize just to make the most minor of blips on the sales charts. Here's a hint: if the series is that weak to begin with...DON'T DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. You could always, you know, keep around a low-selling but brilliant series instead.

That said, I have a good deal of respect for Infinite Crisis. While not perfect, at least it made the pretense of giving a damn about strong characterization while acknowledging that the realizations each of the major heroes come to will have ramifications well beyond this particular miniseries, thus leaving plenty of creative fodder for, you know, the single issue comics that are actually what the industry is in the business of producing. Furthermore, this particular event had a discrete story arc that allowed room for cameos but spent the majority of its energies focusing on a cast of six or seven, thus setting the stage for a pretty solid story. The other thing they did right by both storytelling and fans was the recognizing that the best way of exploring the results of any event is with another event. Sounds kinda stupid until you really think about it, right?

Think back, though, and I’m sure you’ll realize that half the major events for either of the “Big Companies” were undercut within a few months by “rogue” creative teams and a lack of editorial consistency. If, then, single issues can’t properly handle the event (and please keep in mind that I am not blaming the structure of the industry as I hold a deep love, not unlike an intense fire, for the single issue in the charred and clogged chambers of my heart; it’s just that the companies repeatedly screw up and don’t look likely to stop, so why not try a different tack?), the answer might be the (wait for it)…”Perpetuavent.” In keeping this whole event thing going for the better part of a year and a half now, DC has managed to rake in a crap ton of attention for most every series and continue to explore the fallout from Crisis in unique and interesting ways, while presenting a package streamlined and attractive enough that despite 52’s short-comings no one has freaked out on it the way the various Civil War spin-offs have been raked over the coals.

At this point I’ve probably flogged your collective attention span well beyond the pain-pleasure threshold, so I’ll sign off in just a sec. I didn’t go into detail regarding Civil War for a couple reasons: one, that its teeth have been kicked in often enough that I don’t really need to list its failings; and two, I’ll be churning out a review sometime soon on it and its consequences, if Marvel ever stops churning out spin-offs. Suffice it to say that the event had its problems, but at the same time it probably summed up what is best about Marvel. (How’s that for a teaser???) Hopefully I’ll make it to the LCS as Lefty likes to call it sometime soon, but Right Head Dead and I will be carrying furniture while Left Said Fred opts to bask in the sun…or help someone else out.

‘Til next time, I remain eternally and fiendishly your voice of reason,

cenTrale