Generic Man #54

Generic Man #54
Artist: Sketchy McFancypants
Writer: Brian K. Bendis


Wow, this comic sucks balls. Giant, interstellar, asteroid-flavored balls. Generic man is just, i dunno. boring. And the villains. Inane and predictable. I mean who wouldn't have guessed what was going to happen toward the end of this arc, eh? Not this Fanboy Snob. As Elfin Samuel McDooDooHead once said, "Channel all your nerd-rage at the plebes, boy, you're gonna need it." And we need it now more than ever, McDooDooHead, we need it more than ever.

Sketchy's pencils are pedestrian and uninspired. When a man's face can literally be mistaken for his ass (and when the man in question is not the Arch super-villain AssMando Calrissian), you know you shouldn't have gone to art school. Maybe should have been a plumber, or a janitor, or an english teacher. A business-man or a lawyer. Something. Just take a step back, put the pencils down and nobody gets hurt. Cause dude, can i have some fries with that shake? you know what I'm talking about readers? Inside jokes aside, i want to make sure maybe one or two people who don't read comics can understand anything that I'm writing about here. No wait. No I don't. I'm gonna float up here in fanboy cloudland megaworld and make you all feel like the mundies that you are. Suckers! (I hate my life).

As for the dialogue, I've had better conversations with my dirty laundry. And lemme tell you, when that green lantern shirt of mine gets worn every single day for a month or two, you better believe it acquires the power of communication, hell, i could play against it in X-box by that point, and the damn thing'd probably win. If i wasn't the best gamer this side of the Sierra Nevadas, that is. Back to the pointlessness at hand, Generic man talks in cliche's and non sequitors, just the sort of thing you've come to expect from one of the industry's most tired and worn out writers. I mean writing for 68 different titles in 4 years? even Speedor the Fleet Footed Freak can't cover that much ground (unless he's on Xebro 9, in which case the air density would allow him to achieve a greater velocity, fusing with his molecular trailwaves, giving him the ability to exceed the speed of light x 10^57 power! Too bad Xebro 9 only exists in the bueno-verse alternate reality, and that was crippled in the Fyoo-Zarr Wars when Earth A and Earth PFFFFFT were merged together in a gigantic flatulent bang.)

Bet you are wondering why i spent so much time reviewing this claptrap instead of tongue-bathing some heros worthy of my mighty intel and analect? Well, a man can't exist on bread and cheese alone, Willis. He needs his whisky too. Know what I'm saying? yeah, thought so.

all things being equal I give this issue a Granny Smith. Shiny outside, sour inside, makes ya want to give it to your second grade teacher for show'n'tell. and now I've just gone and distrubed the hell out of myself. Don't make me Gran you too, reader.