the seven point ratings system

Everyone knows the meat and potatoes of a Cerebus review is the words. However some sort of abreviated rating system makes sense, if for nothing else to provide a not so subtle means for the non-reading inclined to grasp exactly what we think. Comics will be judged on a variety of potential virtues, faithful character portrayal, art that makes sense, originality, a story that has good pacing, a one-shot that is a little universe unto itself, and more often than you'd think, a brilliant cover. And these are just a few of the criteria.

Now it is extremely difficult to baldly say that any individual issue of Spider-man is quantitatively better than, let's say, Mouse Guard. Therefore our seven point ratings scale isn't necessarily a 'from best to worst' scenario. Sure, there will be a top cow prize, and a bottom of the barrel stinker designation, but a majority of the grades will fall somewhere in between. For that we have scoured the halls of Geekdom and procured handy famous figures to stand in as symbols of sorts. Voila:

1. "______" An as yet un-named honor given to issues and collections that are genre defining. These works literally change the way artists and writers view their craft. We can't imagine handing too many of these bad boys out so for the time being this designation has no name.

2. a "Voltron." A comic graded as a Voltron has a lot working in its favor. In effect it has done everything right, its' excellent parts acheiving an even excellent-er whole.

3. a "Snake-eyes." A comic most agree is cool. Many a fanboy has a crush. Dissenters are born, but mostly these are just contrarians hating because most everyone else adores.

4. a "Gimli." Solid. but somehow overlooked. A Gimli is an unlikely success, a diamond in the rough, to borrow a phrase from the Onion, a future film that time forgot.

5. a "Lando." Great idea, poor execution. Something never translated from thought bubble to the page. A most frustrating comic.

6. a "Starscream." Annoying as hell to most, but like most everything, somebody out there loves it. Safe for fetishists of the hero(es)/villian(s) of the comicbook in question but to be avoided by everyone else.

7. "______" similar to our top cow prize is the Booby. It too is as yet un-named and a dubious honor. The comic in question is so bad as to have made the reader dumber. Minutes stolen from your life that you will never get back. A terrible idea, an awful realization. People are convicted of crimes against humanity for lesser offenses than this.